ATLA characters in much needed therapy
by Rose0404
Summary: Pretty selfexplanitory. ATLA characters in therapy. Ranting about their horrible childhoods, facial scars, freakish glowing, permantly PMSing, anger issues, fish, cabbages, happy pills, emoitis, boredom, etc. Umm...read it? NOW. You know you wanna....
1. Azula

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**Azula**

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"I do NOT have anger management issues!"

"SPOILED?! YOU THINK I'M FUCKING SPOILED?! MY OWN MOTHER THOUGHT I WAS A MONSTER, ASSHOLE!!"

"Well, yeah, I might've made Zuko cry. And so what if I tortured him daily. IT BUILT CHARACTER, DAMMIT!!"

"I already told you, I do NOT have anger management issues!"

"WHAT DO MEAN, 'BITCH MANAGEMENT ISSUES'?!"

"So what if I did attempt to murder a twelve-year old kid?!"

"It is NOT a bad thing!!"

"I'll show you temperamental PMS-ing bitch!"

--------------------------------------------Azula being restrained and then sedated-------------------------------------------------

"Fine. I'll be good."

"BE NICE TO ZUKO?!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S CRAZY HERE, NOT ME!!"

"I AM NOT A HELPLESS CASE!!"

"HEY!! COME BACK HERE AND FIX ME!!!"

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_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Crazy permanently PMS-ing spoiled bitch._

_Treatment: No pills/medicine strong enough._

_Current Status: Sedated._

_Extra Notes: Believed to be a hopeless case. Recommended to be put in padded room with straight jacket, but patient electrocuted all the guards. Extremely scared. Fear for my life. Am resigning._

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**a/n: Yeah! Tell me who you want to see in therapy next! Is it Jet, Zuko, Ozai, Aang, Toph, Sokka, Mai, Katara, Ty Lee, Zhao, or someone else? Review and vote, 'k? 'Cuz every time you don't, a Zuko-cest is written. -shudders-**


	2. Zuko

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**Zuko**

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"Of course I have anger issues, asshole!"

"WHY?! I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE BECAUSE MY FATHER SCARED ME FOR LIFE, BANISHED ME, MY SISTER TORTURED ME, YOU WANT ME TO GO ON?! 'CUZ I CAN!!"

"My childhood?"

"Yeah, it was ass. Whazzit to ya?!"

"I had ass for father, a psychotic bitch of a sister, everyone thought I was worthless, my mother left when I was a kid, and my uncle is obsessed with tea!"

"LET IT GO?! WHAT KIND OF SHIT-FOR-THERAPIST ARE YOU?!"

"Calm down?! CALM DOWN?! NO, I WILL NOT CALM DOWN, AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!"

----------------------------------------------Zuko being shot with a tranquilizer dart------------------------------------------------

"Feh. Whatever."

"Fine! I'll 'be good.'"

"The avatar? What about him?"

"Yeah, so I'm stalking him."

"HOW IS ME STALKING A TWELVE-YEAR OLD BOY CREEPY?!"

"...It's not _that_ creepy."

"It's for my honor, DAMMIT!"

"IS SO!"

-----------------------------------------Edited for intense violence and therapist injuring---------------------------------------------

"Back off! I know kung fu, bitch!"

"Er, no. No, I don't need to be sedated."

"WHAT THE HELL! I SAID I DIDN'T NEED TO BE SEDATED! GET THAT NEEDLE AWAY FROM ME!!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE ME?! I AM A SEXY PRINCE CHARMING!"

"AM SO! I AM AWES-zzzzzzz."

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_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Anger management issues, emotionally unstable, and a conceited asshole._

_Treatment: Other than repeated bitch slapping, the patient is too far gone for any known, and human, treatment._

_Current Status: Sedated._

_Additional Notes: Cannot continue further treatments until my arm is sewn back on. Damn kung fu!_

_I hope Azula electrocutes him._

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**a/n: LOL! I thought this was pretty funny. Anyways, I think I'm gonna do Ozai next. And yeah, don't own ATLA. If you think I do, maybe I'll put _you_ in therapy next! Ditto if you don't review.**


	3. Toph

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**Toph**

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"Sup, doc?" 

"I don't need therapy."

"Yeah, so I am traveling with a twelve year old to help train him so he can kill a forty-something-year old man."

"GO HOME?! NO FUCKING WAY!"

"CUSING IS UNLADY-LIKE?! SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH! I CAN SAY WHATEVER I DAMN WELL WANT TO!"

"Fine. I'm calm."

"My parents? What about them?"

"They think I'm some helpless bitch waiting around for some ass in a metal suit to grace me with the honor of being saved by the son of a bitch."

"So what if I'm crude?!"

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF I'M UNLADY-LIKE!!"

"RESPECT MY ELDERS?! RESPECT THIS!"

------------------------------------------------------Pants the therapist-------------------------------------------------------------

"HAHA! YOU'RE WEARING TUESDAY UNDERWEAR, AND IT'S WEDNEDAY!!"

"SO WHAT IF I'M BLIND, I CAN STILL SEE THAT YOU'RE WEARING TUESDAY UNDERWEAR!!"

"YOU WANNA FIGHT?!"

-------------------------------------------------Therapist getting ass kicked--------------------------------------------------------

"Yeah, that's what I thought, bitch!"

----------------------------------------------------------Leaves--------------------------------------------------------------------

_

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Doctors Note:_

_Diagnosis: Authority issues, rebellious, and mean._

_Treatment: Patient too strong to treat. WILL HURT YOU IF ATTEMPTED!_

_Current Status: Patient has left the building._

_Additional Notes: She scares me. I demand to be assigned a new patient, or I QUIT!_

_I hope she falls off a cliff.

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**a/n: By popular demand, there you have Toph's therapy session. Sorry it's so short, but she refused to stay. Aw. :( So, who next? Send in your votes!! ;D Still don't own ATLA. Damn. Oh, and if you don't review, Zuko will go all kung fu on your ass! Then again...**


	4. Sokka

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Sokka

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"NO! DON'T MAKE ME GO! HE'LL EAT MY BRAIN!!"

"That's what you _want_ me to think!"

"Fine, I'll go!"

"You're sure you're not an alien come to eat my brain?"

"Well, OK then."

"You want to talk about Aangy?"

"Yeah, that's what I just said. You want to talk about my boomerang, Aangy."

"_Yes, I named him!_"

"He's a he. Not an it, but a he."

"Stop calling him an 'it'! You're hurting his feelings!"

"WHAT'S SO WRONG ABUT NAMING YOUR BOOMERANG?!"

"OK, OK! I get it! Now get that needle away from me, you sedate-happy therapist!"

"I'll be good! I promise!"

"So, moving on to my childhood? Well, OK. What do you want to know?"

"You want me to list all the bad things about it? Well...first off, my mother was killed by the Fire Nation. And then there's Katara and her water magic and-"

--------------------------------------------------Katara yelling in background------------------------------------------------------

"Fine, bending! Now will you please shut up, Katara?!"

"OK, OK! I'm sorry! Now unfreeze me!"

"That's better. Now where was I? Oh yeah, my childhood. Well, when I was tow, I got stuck in a snow drift. I was stuck there for TWO HOURS!! Then, when I was three, I got two fishing hooks stuck in my thumb! TWO!"

"How'd I get two? Oh, well I got the second one stuck trying to get out the first. Anyway, when I was five, I ate some bad fish and was puking for a week! And one time when I was six..."

_

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Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: An idiot._

_Treatment: Other than smart pills, none. And smart pills don't work. I should know._

_Current Status: Ranting._

_Additional Notes: I'm embarrassed to live on the same planet as him! I want a new patient! And a cookie! Why can't I have a cookie!_

_I hope Katara freezes him._

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**a/n: Since it was a tie between Ozai and Sokka, I did them both! YAY ME! Anyways tell me who you want me to do next! Suggestions and flames are welcomed! WARNING: Flames _will _be laughed at.**


	5. Ozai

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Ozai

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"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?! HOW ABOUT WHY THE HELL I'M HERE, ASSHOLE!" 

"Well, the last thing I remember, I was attempting to terrify some little girls and old ladies, and then I wake up here, with a lump on my head!"

"WHY'D THE DAMNED AVATAR PUT ME HERE?!"

"That little shit actually thinks THERAPY will help my 'balance'? Isn't that what yoga is for?!"

"Yeah, I suppose I _am_ here, so I might as well get therapy..."

"My family? Well, my older brother is a tea addict, my wife ran off, Azula's brilliant, and Zuko's a failure and a jackass."

"Of course I'm showing favortism! Azula's amazing!"

"I like Azula best because, well...can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah, whatever, I'll tell you anyway. You see, after Ursa—that's my wife—left me, I got very lonely. And certain, erm, 'tasks' weren't getting done around the house. And none of the other ladies could satisfy my hunger like she could, and since Azula was her daughter, I um, had her...COOK MY CAVIAR!! And damn, she makes _the _best caviar _ever_!!"

"Doctor! Doctor?! Hm, the bitch fainted. Oh, well. I guess that means I'm free to g-"

"Oh. You're awake. Joy."

"So, my brother. Like I said, he's obsessed with tea. But even worse, he poisoned my son's mind with lies about 'morals', and this thing called a 'conscience'."

"Yeah, I do like Azula better. But now that Iroh has Zuko, I want him!"

"NO! NOT LIKE THAT! ASSHOLE!!"

"Well he _is _apretty handsome bitch...no! I do NOT want Zuko! Besides, he has that hideous scar!"

"Of course I scared him, and he deserved it for being fucking weak! Next thing you know, he'll join up with the fucking Avatar!"

"Oh, the Avatar? What about him?"

"Of course I'm trying to kill him!"

"Yes, I know he's twelve! Duh!"

"Because he's in the way of me, and world dominance! I shall crush him, and all who oppose me! They shall never rise from the ashes of their humiliation and failure! MUHAHAHAHA!"

"I want to rule the world because if I'm the king of the world...THE CHICKS WILL **SO** DIG ME! BONGCHIKCAWAWA!"

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_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Anger issues, power-hungry, and basically a moron._

_Treatment: Have a twelve-year old kid with glowing arrow things kick his ass._

_Current Status: Doing some sort of booty shake. Will have nurses sedate the patient ASAP!_

_Additional Notes: This asshole is psych-Oh, shit! He's reading my no-_

---------------------------------------------Therapist getting ass kicked------------------------------------------------------------

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**a/n: LOL! So anyway, it was a tie between Ozai and Sokka, so I did both. So, who do I do now? Iroh and his tea obsession, Aang and his weird glowing arrows and monkness, or Katara with her constantly PMS-ing? YOU DECIDE!**


	6. Katara

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Katara

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"Doctor, you have to believe me, I am NOT crazy!"

"Oh, you just want to talk about Aang? OK."

"And all the other guys?! What other guys?!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I ATTRACT WEIRDOS AND JACKASSES?!"

"Fine! Here's a list of all the guys who do or once liked me: Aang, Haru, Jet, Zuko...Oh. Yeah. You're right. I DO attract total dicks..."

"MY TEMPER?! I DO **NOT** HAVE A TEMPER!!"

"PMS-ING?!! TAKE THAT BACK BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS, BITCH!"

--------------------------------------Katara being sedated-------------------------------------------

"Don't tell me what to do! I'll 'be good' when I'm damn well ready to!"

"OK! I'll 'be good'! Just SHUT UP!"

"Why I'm always so perky? Well...I'M ADDICTED TO HAPPY PILLS!"

"Oh, I stole them from Ty Lee. She has a shit load of them!"

"Nah, I smoke 'em."

"WHAT'S SO WRONG ABOUT SMOKING HAPPY PILLS?!"

"OK, OK! I get it! It's wrong! Do you ever shut up?!"

"My dad? What about him?"

"Well, he was always gone, and I know that he always like Sokka best! Sokka always got more fish than I did at supper! Why can't I have fish?! I WANT FISH!!"

"What do you mean I'm an attention hog?!"

"Yeah, so what if I flirt with all the guys?!"

"I JUST WANT SOME FISH, DAMMIT! WHY WON'T YOU GIVE ME FISH, DADDY?! HOW HARD IS IT TO GO TO THE STORE AND BUY FISH STICKS, HUH?! AND NOT THOSE WEIRD ONES, THE ONES WITH THE HOT FISHERMAN ON THE FRONT OF THE BOX!! I WANT FISH!!"

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_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Attention hog, attracts strange men, parental issues, permanently PMS-ing, obsessed with fish, anger management issues, addicted to happy pills, and an all around Mary Sue._

_Treatment: None. She's gone too far..._

_Current Status: On a rampage for fish._

_Additional Notes: I CANNOT work with a fish obsessed Mary Sue! I mean, come on! Have you **seen** her in her Fire Nation outfit?! And how come EVERY SINGLE GUY likes HER?! I'm pretty too! Right? Right?!_

_I hope Appa eats her._

_

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_

**a/n: Well, Katara won! YAY! Here's the score: Katara-6 Mai-2 Ty Lee-1 Iroh-1 Of course, since I just did Katara, her score doesn't count. Hey, if you're good and review, I might let you be the therapist for a character of your choice:D So, click the review and go buttons! ;)**


	7. Mai

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Mai

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"I'm bored."

"I'm always bored."

"Because I am."

"Because is an answer."

"Yes, it is."

"You don't have to yell."

"Yes, I need to speak in a monotone."

"Because I do."

"We already went over this. Because is an answer."

"Fine, new subject. Whatever."

"My childhood was boring."

"I did whatever I was told to."

"Yeah, I suppose it's the same with Azula, but I like her brother."

"Because I like him."

"You're a very repetitive guy, aren't you? Because is an answer."

"No, I won't say more than two sentences."

"Because I won't."

"Fine. Because saying more than two sentences is boring."

"Yes, everything bores me."

"Except for kissing Zuko."

"I like him because I do."

"My, that's a lovely shade of purple you're turning."

-sigh- "I like him because I dig bad boys."

"Because I do."

"Wow, that vein in your head is getting pretty big."

"Yes, it would kill me to show emotion."

"Because it would."

-sigh- "I have a medical condition."

"The boring kind."

"If I show emotion, I totally spazz out."

"It's called emo-itis."

"Is so a medical condition."

"Whatever."

"My childhood _again_? Fine."

"No, my parents never really loved me."

"It made me feel bored. Like I am now."

"If you keep slamming your head against the desk like that, you'll pass out."

"Too late."

"Hm, what's this? A doctor's note?"

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_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Bored._

_Treatment: Entertain me._

_Current Status: I'm bored. The therapist hurt herself though. They always do that._

_Additional Notes: It appears my therapist has gone insane. Hm, my therapist now needs therapy because of me. That's almost funny._

_I'm bored.

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**a/n: Five whole people voted for Mai, so I did her. Oh, and it's not Maiko, it's Muko. Anyways, here's the current score: Iroh-2 Ty Lee-3 Suki-2 Yue-1 Oh, and I missed the last episode of ATLA where apparently Suki was captured by Azula or something. Could someone please review and tell me what happened? That way I can do a Suki one, depending on how many more votes she gets, 'cuz Ty Lee's currently in the lead. :( I wanna do Iroh...**


	8. Iroh

**Iroh**

"Hello. Is this the Tea Addicts Anonymous meeting?"

"It's therapy?"

"Who signed me up?"

"Why'd Zuko sign me up for therapy?"

"Oh. I didn't realize my obsession with tea affected him so."

"Meddling? I do not meddle!"

"Well, yes. I suppose I _did_ set him up with Jin, but it was for his own good."

"Well, I suppose I could stop."

"Well, my obsession with tea started when Ozai bet me I couldn't go a month without drinking anything but tea. Obviously, I won the bet, but from then on, I was addicted."

"TAKE AWAY MY TEA?!! NOOOOOOO!!! I WON'T LET YOU!!!"

-------------------------------Therapist and Uncle fighting over a tea pot------------------------

"IT'S MY TEA! MINE! ALL MINE! STAY AWAY! DON'T TOUCH! IT'S MY TEA! MINE, MINE, IT'S ALL MINE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

-----------------------------------Iroh taking his pot of tea back-----------------------------------

"My precious!"

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Severely addicted to tea._

_Treatment: Placebos. Cookies if you know what that means._

_Current Status: Drinking tea. Duh._

_Additional Notes: He hurt me! It's not fair! I can't continue treatments until the boo boo on my...all over heals. WAAAAHH! -tear drops on page-_

_I hope he chokes on his tea!_

**a/n: I need more therapists. They all either quit or were hospitalized! Oh, and just so you know, you can vote for ANY ATLA character. Even the cabbage man. So, here's the score: Suki-3 Yue-1 Bumi-1 Jet-1 Haru-1 Zhao-1. Oh, and I forgot who Haru is besides being an earthbender. So, could someone tell me who he is? Thanx!**


	9. Ty Lee

**Ty Lee**

"Hiya, doctor!"

"Katara told you I was smoking happy pills?! That lying bitch!"

"Of course I'm not smoking happy pills! That is _so_ five minutes ago! I totally just pop 'em!"

"But happy pills make me happy! Come on! Be happy with me!"

"What does hah-zar-dus mean? I mean, geez! Don't you know the rule?! Never use words with more than two syllables around me! Duh."

"YAY NEW SUBJECT!"

"Ya, I know I'm always hyper."

"Because sometimes I drink my coffee with my happy pills."

"Rot my stomach?! OMFG! My stomach! COME BACK! DON'T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!"

"Oh, it'll take twenty years or so. Well, what's the big deal?"

"It won't kill me, silly! I'm queen of the Happy Bunny Land."

"SHUN THE NONBELIEVER!!"

"NO! SILENCE! I SHUN YOU! SHUUUUUN!"

"Oh, you do believe? OK then."

"Ya, no one ever believes me about it. Azula said I was crazy."

"She signed me up for this?! AW! She really _does_ care!"

"YAY CHILDHOOD! Wait! My childhood was bad. AW! Poor me...now I'm sad."

"Because I had six identical sisters. It was _so_ uncool!"

"Well, I travel with Azula because she's the bestest most wonderful person EVER!"

"Doctor?! Are you OK?! Wow. She fainted from shock."

"YAY! YOU'RE ALIVE!"

"Mai? She's boring. All she ever does is drone on and on about how bored she is. And she NEVER smiles! I mean, doesn't she know? Frowning creates wrinkles!"

"Back to Happy Bunny Land? OK! Well, it's a land of happy bunnies!"

"You already know that? Wow, you must psychic or something!"

"Well, let's see...there's pretty rainbows, and butterflies, and it's all pink and pretty! And there's also-"

------------------------------------Ty Lee getting knocked out-------------------------------------

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Addicted to happy pills, stupid, perky, and EXTREMELY preppy!_

_Treatment: Excessive face punching._

_Current Status: Knocked out from "treatment."_

_Additional Notes: Her happy preppiness is annoying the shit out of me! I QUIT!!_

_I hope her "Happy Bunny Land" blows up!_

**a/n: Wow. Ty Lee got, like, five votes or so. COOL! Anyway, since Iroh came in second, and I wanted to do him, I did. NOW REVIEW OR I'LL SEND YOU TO HAPPY BUNNY LAND!!**


	10. Group Therapy

**a/n: -sigh- I'm going to actually have to describe things, and say whose talking this time. -sigh- Since so many people have voted for both Suki _and_ Yue, I've decided to do both. And Ty Lee again, 'cuz she now has permanent therapy for smoking happy pills. -sigh- Poor, poor Ty Lee...

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**Group Therapy: Suki, Yue, and Ty Lee

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**

Ty Lee, Suki, and Yue were in the waiting room outside of the therapist office with the other ATLA characters, when they heard the news...

"Wait! What do you mean group therapy?! I already went!" Ty Lee whined.

"Because you're so crazy, you need _permanent therapy_!" Suki replied.

"That's what you get for hitting on my little warrior." Yue said, smugly.

Suki and Ty Lee doubled over in laughter. "Th-that's what y-you call him?!" Suki gasped through her laughter. "Th-that's -giggle- ridi-ridicu—funny! -giggle-"

Yue blushed. "It's cute!"

"Wait! How would you know how little his warrior was?!" demanded a perverted Suki.

"Well, when a man and a woman love each other—" Ty Lee began, missing the point.

Yue ignored her and said smugly, "I'm not the type to kiss and tell."

Suki glared at her and said, "Yeah, you're the type who'd skip the kissing and jump straight to the fu—"

"The doctor will see you know." a nurse said, interrupting Suki.

"Finally. That was the most disgusting thing I've ever heard." Zuko muttered.

"Oh, you know you loved it!" Azula teased.

"Says the girl who held Suki captive and _enjoyed it_!" Zuko retorted.

Suki turned around, "Hey! He's right! The only reason why I'm here with these boyfriend stealing whores is because of _you_!"

Azula inspected her finger nails. "I'm sorry. I don't talk to peasants."

"Oh, you are _so_ dead!" Suki shouted, lunging towards her.

"Now, now. Can't we just talk this out?" Aang said, stepping between them.

"Shut up, baldy!" Suki shouted, struggling with the nurse who was holding her back.

"HELLO! It's season 3! I have hair now!" Aang said in a completely gay voice, pointing to his head.

"Hm, you know, I always thought he'd be a blonde." Yue mused.

"Hey!" shouted the therapist. "You've spent half your therapy time arguing with the other patients!"

"And?" Yue asked.

"And get your crazy asses in here!" she shouted.

"No way! I'm not through with Princess Psycho over here!" Suki shouted, still trying to hurt Azula.

"I'm happy! I'm happy! Happy, happy, happy!" Ty Lee sang, off in Lala Land.

"Make me! I'm the Lunar Goddess Person Thing! Whatever! The point is, you can't tell me what to do!" Yue shouted.

"You're right. I can't. But he can." the therapist smugly pointed to a huge guy standing behind them. Everyone turned and stared.

"Eep!" Zuko squeaked, before hiding behind Aang.

"Wow. Hard to believe we missed that." Azula mused, not scared in the least.

"Crazy people go in room." the man said, cracking his knuckles.

"This, is Bob. Now, I would suggest you come in here." the therapist said.

"No!" Suki shouted.

"You make Bob angry!" Bob shouted.

"I mean, yes!" Suki squeaked out, before she, Yue, and Ty Lee ran into the room.

"'Sup Bob. What'd they put you in for?" Toph asked, before playing a harmonica.

"Now then. Since you wasted almost all of our time just getting in the room, I'll cut right to the chase. Stop beating around the bush. Get to the point. Cut the bullsh—"

"OK! We get the point!" Suki said.

"Right. So, please stand and introduce yourselves." the therapist said.

"Hi, I'm Ty Lee, and I'm happy!" Ty Lee said.

"Hi, Ty Lee." Suki and Yue chorused.

The therapist sighed. It was going to be a _long_ day. "Just say your name."

"Hi, I'm pissed off." Suki said.

The therapist glared at her. "Real names please."

"Yue." Suki said.

"Suki." Yue said.

"Okay, you can start Suki." the therapist said.

"Well, I'm Suki, and I'm a weird, think-I-kick-ass, slutty, BOYFRIEND STEALER!!" Yue said, glaring at Suki.

"Oh yeah, well I'm the spoiled, holier-than-thou, Goddess of the Whores!" Suki said, glaring at Yue.

"MOON!! Goddess of the Moon!" Yue shouted.

"How would you know?! You're a weirdo, _remember_?!" Suki shouted back.

"WAIT!" Ty Lee yelled, making Yue and Suki stop their shouting match and stare at her, "I'm confused. If you're Suki," she pointed at Yue, "and you're Yue," she pointed at Suki, "then who am I?"

"AN IDIOT!!" Suki and Yue both shouted.

"Girls! Girls!" the therapist shouted. "Just calm down!"

Suki and Yue both glared at each other and started sulking. Ty Lee just started humming, "It's a small world after all."

"Now. I think your problem is you're misdirecting your anger. Who you're really angry at is Sokka. Sokka's the one who, erm, 'got involved' with Yue, and then went out with Suki, while he was flirting with Ty Lee. He's the bad guy! He's the one you should be mad at." the therapist said.

Yue, Suki, and Ty Lee all blinked. She was right. This _was_ all Sokka's fault.

"Hey girls!" said a _very_ untimely Sokka, as he walked in the room.

"You pimp! You just wanted some ass!" Suki shouted.

"I though what we had was special!" Yue sobbed.

"You're not a cutie! You're a meanie!" Ty Lee shouted.

"What?! Wait, girls I—" a confused Sokka started.

"Get him!" Suki shouted.

Sokka turned and ran, but Suki jumped on his back, and started hitting his head. Yue tackled them both, and started slugging him, and Ty Lee got on top of the couch, jumped, and jammed her elbow into Sokka's stomach, pro-wrestler style. Then they all started kicking, pulling, and scratching Sokka, as they rolled out the door.

"Yeah! Go Suki! Kick his ass!" Toph shouted.

"Bet ya ten gold coins Suki kills someone." Zuko said to Katara.

"You're on!" she replied.

The girls and Sokka wore themselves out, and lay there in a panting heap.

"That's what you get for dumping me!" the therapist shouted at Sokka.

"Wait! You made us be mad at Sokka!" Yue said.

"That bitch!" Suki shouted.

"Die!" shouted a now very _un_happy Ty Lee. (Her happy pills had worn off...)

"AAAH!" screamed the therapist as she ran from three pissed off woman, leaving Sokka to himself.

Zuko nudged Sokka with the side of his shoe. "I think he's dead."

Sokka groaned.

"Nope. Pay up." Katara smirked.

"Damn." Zuko muttered.

Horrible screams started echoing down the hall. Everyone looked up, stared at the hallway, shrugged, and went back to what they were doing.

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_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Crazy bitches!_

_Treatment: How the hell should I know?! I got my degree online!_

_Current Status: Beating the shit out of our therapist, Irma._

_Additional Notes: They killed Irma. Guess Zuko won the bet after all. Anyway, Irma wasn't missed. She always **was** a little psycho...Wonder why I hired her. Oh, right. She's friggin' hott!_

_Pimp daddy therapist is outta here!

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**a/n: So what'd ya think? I liked Bob. Bob is an awesome name! Anways, the current score is Bumi-3 Jet-1 Haru-1 Cabbage Man-1 Aang-0 And like I said, you can vote for ANYONE you want. Including the Cabbage Man and Aang. -hint hint-**

**Review or I'll, I'll...do something. Scary. And...mean.**


	11. Cabbage Man

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Cabbage Man

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"You're going to hurt my cabbages aren't you?!"

"Don't deny it! Everyone wants to hurt them! But I won't let them!"

---------------------------------------Talking to his cabbages---------------------------------------

"No, I won't let them hurt you. No I won't. You'll be safe. My precious."

---------------Therapist threatens the cabbage man with lettuce: his arch enemy-------------

"NOOOOOOO!! Not lettuce! It's evil! EVIL!"

"O-okay. I'll calm down. Just get it away from me!"

"My cabbages are my only friends in the world. A-and everyone keeps t-trying to-to hurt them!"

"MY OBSESSSION WITH CABBAGES IS NOT CREEPY!!!"

"So what if my obsession is why I don't have a girlfriend! I don't need a girlfriend!"

"Yeah, I had a bad relationship in the past."

"I loved her. And-and she l-left me for so-someone else!"

"She-she left m-me for...MY MOTHER!!"

----------------------------------cabbage man sobbing/therapist laughing her ass off--------------------------------------

"It's not funny!"

"You can stop laughing anytime now."

"Thank you."

"Oh. Well you see, her favorite food was—"

"How'd you know it was cabbages? You must be psychic!"

"GET OVER IT?! HOW DO YOU GET OVER YOUR GIRLFRIEND LEAVING YOU FOR YOUR **MOTHER**?!"

"I'LL SHOW YOU PATHETIC LOSER!"

-------------------------Cabbage man grabs a machine gun out of nowhere---------------------

"TAKE THIS, BITCH!!"

------------------------------------Cabbage man starts firing----------------------------------------

"**DIE**!!!"

---------------------------Cabbage man accidentally shoots his cabbages-----------------------

"**_MY CABBAGES_**!!!"

_

* * *

Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Obsessed with cabbages, bitter, and total loser._

_Treatment: IDK. Send him to a strip club or something. Either way, I get paid by the hour. As a therapist and a--never mind._

_Current Status: Sobbing uncontrollably (Big word. I'm so proud of myself!) over the loss of his cabbages._

_Additional (Wow. Another big word. I'm on a roll!) Notes: HAHAHA!! The loser got dumped for his **MOTHER**!!! HAHAHA! LMAO!_

_I hope all of his cabbages die. **DIE!!!

* * *

**_

**a/n: Ya. I shamelessly stole the Cabbage Man getting a machine gun from some other fic. Forgot which one tho. -shrugs- **

**ANYWAY. I'm so HAPPY! I had 48 reviews, and now I have 61! You do the math. I'm lazy. So, as I promised, the shoutouts: -clears throat-**

**reconrox 2**

**Zergplex 2**

**Jordana Kari 6**

**s91 1**

justicar347 8

**hop-skip-n.a.-jump 1**

**jliljj 5**

**zeratul7 4**

**This is Your Brain on Dugs. (Yes, it really is dugs, not drugs. -shrugs-) 1**

**TempleforHisGlory 2**

**Selftitled And Loving It 3**

**kataanglovr52 1**

**Kumai290 1**

**ArtemisAsh 3**

**Master of the Toys 1**

**Tang Si Ming-Yue 3**

**xxxLazyGeniusxxx 1**

**amari-of-the-funk 1**

**kataang2 2**

**potterandanimelover 3**

**PealBlue5 2**

_**fourfourfourfour 7**_

**BlackxRose19 1**

**OK. I think that's everyone. The number beside the name is how many times they reviewed. First place is normal font. Second is Italics and Bold. Third is Underlined and Bold. Bet 'cha didn't know it was a contest, did ya?! ;D**

**Sooooo...oh yeah! The current score is Aang-4 Bumi-3 Haru-3 Jet-2 Zhao-1. And the Cabbage Man had 5 votes. Remember! Your character won't get therapy unless you REVIEW!! So do it! -uses randomly weird mind control to make you review-**


	12. Aang

**

* * *

**

Aang

* * *

"Hiya doc! I'm Aang!"

"I'm twelve."

"Yeah, everyone says that they thought I'd be a blonde. Go figure."

"OK, ink blot test it is."

"Katara."

"Katara."

"Katara."

"Katara."

"Bunny."

"Katara."

"Katara."

"Katara."

"Katara."

"I don't have a crush on Katara!...OK, maybe a little."

"I can't tell her that! What if she doesn't like me?! What if she rejects me? What if I make an idiot of myself? She's too good for me! I don't deserve her! She won't like me, and it'll ruin our friendship!" -hyperventilating-

"OK. I'm calm now. I'm good."

"My arrows are awesome!"

"So what if they announce to the world that I'm the Avatar? That's the point! So what if we always get captured? I always save the day! (More or less) So what if they make me look like an idiot? It's a monk tradition! So what if I share a strange symbol with a flying cow? It's...it's...OK, yeah. That _is_ pretty stupid."

"Zuko is...scary."

"Yes, he scares me!"

"Because he's stalking me! If you had a sixteen-year-old angsty, idiotic, guy stalking _you_ you'd be pretty scared too! And those Zaang fics aren't helping!"

"Yes, I'm stressed."

"Why? WHY?! GEE, I DON'T KNOW! MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE TO SAVE THE WORLD, KILL THE MOST POWERFUL MORON EVER, MASTER ALL THE ELEMENTS IN A FEW MONTHS, ALL WHILE GOING THROUGH PUBERTY!"

"No, I haven't mastered fire bending."

"Because...because...CHICKS HATE FIRE BENDERS! They so totally dig air benders though! Oh yeah! I'm a pimp daddy straight-up-gangsta!"

"AM SO!"

"DON'T MAKE ME GO ALL GLOWY ON YOU!"

--------------------------Aang's arrows start to glow;Zuko walks in------------------------------

"**Hey guys! Couldn't we just use Aang as a Christmas tree? He's all glowy! (Is glowy even a word?)**"

"NO! I'm in the middle of being all badass! What happened to the other tree anyway?"

"**How should I know that if you spilled alcohol on it, and then started firebending, it'd explode?!**"

"...You're an idiot."

"**SHUT UP, MONK BOY!**"

"Make me, Princie!"

------------------------------Aang and Zuko being separated--------------------------------------

"OK, OK! I'll be good."

"I don't have dreams about Ozai! And I certainly don't wake up sweating and screaming! Why are you jumping on my back?! I DENY EVERYTHING!!"

"Fine. I'll tell you. Katara says I'm always moaning. And that I wake up shouting and sweating. It's just that it's so hot! He's so powerful and strong! He moves behind to make a move and...Doctor? Doctor?!"

"Oh good, you're awake."

"No, I hate him! They're nightmares, and he always ends up killing me! WAIT! WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING?! YOU PERVERT!! I LOVE KATARA!!"

-----------------------------------Katara hears him, and runs in------------------------------------

"_You do? I love you too!_"

"Oh, Katara!"

"_Oh, Aang._"

(Toph) "Oh, brother!"

--------------------------------Katara and Aang run to each other---------------------------------

----------------Katara and Aang bang their heads together, and are out cold-----------------------

* * *

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Stressed, issues with firebending, anger management, weird._

_Treatment: There is no treatment for puberty. (I bet his balls haven't even dropped yet.)_

_Current Status: Out cold._

_Additional Notes: He's friggin' **weird**! I mean, who has arrows?! Where do his arrows even **go** anyway? Do they connect..._

_I hope Katara leaves him for Zuko. (ZUTARA FOREVER!!!)

* * *

_

**a/n: WOW. Aang got like, 10 votes. Damn. Anyway, the current score is Bumi: 5 Haru: 6 Jet: 4 Zhao: 2 It's gonna be a close one. Every vote counts! Especially ones for Jet. I mean, seriously, other than Azula, he's the one with the most issues. **

**PS: Every time you don't review, a baby panda-chicken-lion-moose cub dies. SAVE THE BABY PANDA-CHICKEN-LION-MOOSE CUBS!!**


	13. Haru

**a/n: OK, I decided I needed to update, like now. 'Cuz it's been about a week...XD**

**

* * *

**

Haru

* * *

"Hiya!"

"Um, doc?"

"I'd really appreciate if you stopped staring at my mustache. It's bad for my skin."

"That did so make sense!"

"Like, what-ever!"

"I am not gay!"

"Hey, my mustache looks smexy (is that even a word? according to spell check, no. no it is not.) and I get more respect because of it!"

"No, I don't think the meaning of 'respect' has changed to 'people gawking at your gayosity'!"

"Hey! You're the one who said, 'gayosity'!"

"My finger quotes aren't gay! ...well, they're not _that_ gay."

"Finally, new subject!"

"What about Katara?"

"No, I don't like her...I like her shoes!"

"Seriously! They are like, soooo fantabulous!"

"Yes, fantabulous!"

"What do you mean I've been 'spending too much time with Jet'?!"

"MY FINGER QUOTES ARE AWESOME!!...and Jet isn't gay!"

"So what if he's stalking Zuko?! The man's damned hot! ...Get it? He's hot and he's a firebender? Nobody ever laughs at my jokes."

"THEY ARE SO FUNNY!!"

* * *

_Doctor's Note_

_Diagnosis: Gay._

_Treatment: Who cares? Either way, I get paid by the hour._

_Current Status: Ranting about how funny his gay ass jokes are. (They aren't really funny!)_

_Additional Note: OK, WTF is with that gay ass mustache of his?!_

_I hope his Zuko burns off his mustache! DIE MUSTACHE, DIE!!!!_

_

* * *

_

**a/n: OK, I dunno exactly how many votes Haru got, but it was alot! The current score though, is...-drumroll- Bumi: 6 Jet: 8 Zhao: 3 Ya, and if you're the 100th reviewer, your vote counts as two, so review!!! Or ZUKO will grow a mustache!**


	14. SORRY!

OMG!! You're probably just fainted from shock. I updated! OK, so here's my excuse: I lost my computer cord, and haven't had internet access for a month. Oops. Sooooo...I'm going to update ASAP!! or as soon as I can type everything up. I'm thinking of putting Saiyuki Remix on hold because I have four other stories and schoolwork and Dance Class and chores and...well, you get the point. My apologies for being an airhead, and I'll make it up to you, promise! I don't have school on Friday and maybe Monday, so I'll spend those days typing! Once again, SORRY! You all get cookies, chocolate, fudge, and ice cream for waiting on me! XD


	15. Appa

**a/n: OK, so here's the chap. I promised. Since a few people have voted for appa/momo I'm gonna do Appa now, and get it over with! XD PS: I had to type what the therapist is saying for this one, so he's in italics.**

Appa: Moo

Therapist: _Blah_

**

* * *

**

Appa

* * *

"_So, I've um, never had an animal client before."_

"Moo."

"_So, what was your childhood like?"_

"Moo, moo moo-mo-moo moo moo."

"_I see. Yes, yes, let it all out."_

"Moo m-moo raaah moo mmoo rah moo. M-M-MOOOO!!"

"_-sniff- You poor thing! Attacked by a rabid tree!!"_

"Moo raaaah mo moo moo ra moo raah rah mo."

"_Those horrible, horrible nuns! How could they do such a thing!?"_

"M-moo mmoooo mo moo rah moo raah MOO!!"

"_Poked by sporks?!"_

"Moo moo mo rah mo moo ra moo moo mmooo raaah!"

"_A man-eating afro!!"_

"Rah moo mo raaah mo mo ra moo RAH moo!"

"_Emo bunnies?!! AND angsty rainbows?!!"_

"Moo mo moooo rah mo..."

"_ZUKO IS REALLY BEYONCE IN DISGUISE?!!!"

* * *

_

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: chickenophobia (fear of chickens)_

_Treatment: Llamas._

_Current Status: Playing the bagpipes. _

_Additional Notes: No one knows what he's been through! No one knows Appa's pain!! NO ONE!!_

_Hey look a squirrel!

* * *

_

**a/n: OK, this was like, so random it's illegal! And yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm high right now! XD So, review and vote!! Or Azula's forehead will get bigger! (Like that's even possible...)**


	16. Group Therapy 20

**

* * *

**

Group Therapy 2.0: 

**Jet, Bumi, Zhao (Sorta)

* * *

**

Toph was still playing her harmonica, Katara was messing with her make-up like the prep she wants to be, Aang was sleeping, Zuko was doodling on his (Aang's not Zuko's!) head, Sokka was chasing Momo, Appa was licking Ty Lee, Ty Lee was enjoying it 'cuz she was high _again_, Mai was playing with her voodoo dolls, and Azula was pretending to a therapist—when she wasn't shaking hands with people and then shocking them. Everyone else was just sorta there...

"Hey." Rose0404 said. "Hello Prince Zuko." She bowed.

Zuko smirked. "Hello.

"...AHEM!" Azula said, glaring.

"..."

"...AHEM!"

"..."

"...AHEM!"

"..."

"AHEM!!!"

"OK, either get a drink of water or STFU, Bitch Queen!" Rose0404 snapped.

Zuko and Toph laughed. Azula threw one of Mai's knives at Rose0404. It missed.

"I'm the author moron! You can't kill me, and even if you could, that would mean you'd all die!" Rose0404 said smugly.

"..."

"Yo! Author girl! Since we've all had our therapy, can we go now?" Toph asked.

"No. You see, you guys are so screwed up, you need another session. As usual, the readers will vote on who goes first and so forth." Rose0404 explained.

"Wait! What about Bumi?" Aang asked. "I thought he was gonna be here."

"And Jet!" Katara added.

"Aw, shit! I forgot! Great, now I'm gonna have to do a therapy session for them too!" Rose0404 said.

"Do Zhao. He needs to meet Bob." Zuko said, grinning.

"Of course Prince Zuko." Rose0404 replied.

"See? _She_ knows how to treat me with respect!" Zuko gloated.

"No, I just think you're sexy." Rose0404 shrugged. "Other than that, you're a jackass...But I still love you" :3

"-sweatdrop- ...great."

"Now, I'm going to be gone for a while, so Prince Zuko, you're in charge." Zuko smirked. "General Iroh—" "Call me Uncle." "Uncle, please make sure that Zuko doesn't hurt himself or stalk Aang." Rose0404 said. "Oh, and Azula, you're coming with me to help capture Jet, etc."

"Don't you mean 'ask them to politely come with you'?" Aang asked.

"No."

"Why should I, _peasant_?!" Azula snapped.

"Because if you don't, I'll write a ZukoxAzula incest." Rose0404 threatened.

"Coming!"

* * *

Rose (I'm dropping the 0404) and Azula were walking down the corridors of Bumi's palace, when Rose said, "We need some theme music! Like...Mission Impossible!" 

"Idiot." Azula muttered.

"Dun dun dadun dun dun dun dadadun dadadaaaaaaa dadadaaaaaaaa dada. Dananaaaaaaaaa Dananaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Dana! Dun dun dadun dun dun dun dadadun dadundunduna." Rose sang, creeping along the wall, then rolling around the corner. Actually, it was more of a sideways somersault into a potted plant.

-CRASH-

"Oops."

"IDIOT!"

Back at the therapy office, Aang, Katara, and Sokka were plotting to overthrow Zuko, Toph, and Mai. Uncle was trying to keep Ty Lee from hurting herself with a sock. And a rabid tree was currently destroying the Cabbage Man's cabbages. Appa was attempting to eat Jin's head, Momo and Suki were fighting, Ozai was crying because Haru was cheating on him with Yue, and Yue and Haru were currently in a closet that Ozai was pouring gas over...

-BOOM!!-

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"What the hell was that?!" Zuko shouted.

"Um, I have no idea." -shifty eyes-

"OK daddy!"

Toph and Mai rolled their eyes. "Focus Zuko, focus!"

"Right."

They crept down the hallway, to where Aang, Sokka, and Katara were. Suddenly, Aang, Sokka, and Katara leapt out of a utility closet, and started shooting at Zuko, Toph, and Mai. "Prince Zuko! Look out!" Mai cried, pushing Zuko out of the way, and nearly getting hit herself. Fortunately, the shot was aimed at her chest, a very small target. (HAH!)

"Ambush!" Toph shouted.

"Take this, Fire Scum!" Sokka shouted shooting more whipped cream at Zuko. (Food fight! Lol)

But it hit Jin instead.

"AUGH! I'm hit! I'm dying! Dying!" Jin shouted.

"Launch the catapult!" Zuko shouted.

"Yes, sir!" Mai said, launching a watermelon. It flew directly towards Katara, but she held up Momo in front of her, and Momo ate it, because as we all know, lemurs love watermelons.

"CHEATER!" Toph shouted.

Katara just stuck her tongue out, and Toph lobbed a sharp slice of cheese at her. It hit her in the face, and she screamed. "AAAAAH!! I"M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!! AAAAAH!!"

"Man down! Man down!" Sokka shouted.

A vein popped in Katara's forehead. "AAAH!! What'd you call me?! AAAAH!!"

"STILL DYING!!"

* * *

Rose and Azula were in Bumi's room, facing off with Bumi. "Before you come with us, I want you to know something about me..." Rose said, in a deep voice. 

"What?"

"I'm your father!"

"_IDIOT!!_"

Rose hit Bumi over the head with a large mallet from nowhere, and then dropped him into the black hole that had suddenly appeared. "So, who's next?"

* * *

"No! Ty Lee! Step away from the sock, and no one gets hurt!" Zuko heard Uncle say. Zuko shook his heard in fake sadosity. "Poor, poor girl...CHARGE!!" He shouted, striking a pose. 

"Da na da da da dadada dun da, da na da da dadada dun da, da na da da dadada dun daaaaaaaaaaa dun dun dun!" Ty Lee sang.

Suddenly, Bumi fell out of a black hole from nowhere, right on top of a posing Zuko. "OWWW!!"

"HAH! KARMA BITCH!!" Sokka shouted.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!! OHMYGAWD MY MOTHER'S GONNA KILL ME!!" Jin shouted.

Zhao was with his wife and three kids. His middle name was Joe, and he worked part time at a button factory. Rose and Azula were in his house, under his bed, waiting.

"Ugh! I think that ham and cheese sandwich just moved." Azula muttered.

Zhao came in, and said, "Wife's gone, kids are at school, and I've got the house all to myself." He went into his closet, and when he came out he was in a dress, and singing. "I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! So pretty and witty and bright! And I pity any other girl who isn't me tonight!"

"HOLY AGNI SHIT!! MY EYES!!" Azula shouted.

Rose was wearing sunglasses, so she flipped over the bed, and shouted, "You'll never get away with this!!"

"What?" Zhao said, before Rose shot him with a tranquilizer dart.

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHA-cough cough hack wheeze-" Rose laughed, before having a coughing fit.

"_**IDIOT!!**_"

Zhao disappeared into the black hole.

* * *

Zuko and Mai were hiding behind Appa. 

"Bring out the grapples!" Zuko shouted. Mai handed him one, and he pulled off the stem with his teeth. "TAKE THIS!!"

-BOOM!-

Unfortunately, Prince Asshole had missed, and it hit Toph, who was just coming out of the bathroom.

"Oops."

"HAHAHAHA-snort-" Aang laughed, snorting really loudly.

A black hole appeared on the wall next to Zuko, and he quickly stepped to the side, smirking. But the hole just moved over two feet, and shot a monkey in a dress at him. (aka Zhao) "OWWW!!"

"HAH! KARMA BITCH!!" Toph shouted.

"I'M DYING!! OH WHY NOW!! IT'S TOO SOON! I'M TOO PRETTY TO DIE!!" Jin was still shouting.

"More like too loud!" Mai muttered.

* * *

Rose and Azula were stalking Jet. So far he'd had a busy day of spazzing out every time he saw anything even remotely Firenation and peeping in the girls' bathhouses. Azula didn't seem to mind that part...anyway, they were currently hiding behind a bush. Or at least, Azula was. Rose was holding up a stick in front of her face, and getting strange looks from people. Finally, Jet walked by, Azula jumped out of the bush, and Rose threw the stick behind her, and hit some old guy. 

"We're here to bring you to therapy!" Azula shouted, "Now you can either come now, or I can make you come!"

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!!" Rose shouted.

"_**IDIOT!!**_"

Jet looked Azula up and down. "So, was that "cum" thing a promise or a threat?" He asked, licking his lips.

"EWWWW!!"

"I'll save you!" Rose shouted, catching Jet in a huge butterfly net.

"What the hell?!" He shouted, but the net was metal, and Azula electrocuted him. Jet was sucked into the hole. (BLACK hole, not Azuala's!!! PERVERTS!!!)

* * *

Zuko was in the kitchen getting amo. Everyone else but him and Aang were out for the count. This was the big one. The motherload of all battles. He turned around dramatically, and tightened his camoflauged headband. He looked very badass. Until he saw the black hole. "SHIT!" He ran, over to the side, but the hole followed him. Uncle walked in to see Zuko spazzing out, and running around being chased by a black hole. Uncle just slowly turned around and walked back out. Jet fell on top of Zuko anyway. "Hey big boy!" "Get the fuck off me, peasant!" -firebending- "AUGH!! FIREBENDER!! FIRE-mgf!" -Jet getting gagged and stuffed into a cabnit. "KARMA BITCH!!" Sokka shouted. Zuko hit him over the head with a frying pan, resumed his battle position, and waited... 

Aang jumped out from behind the corner, and hit Mai with rapid fire watermelon seeds. She went down, and didn't come back up. He slowly started heading towards the kitchen where a lone Zuko was stocking up on amo. (Or emo.) Sokka was currently in the waiting room, covered in soda from an air attack. It was just him and Zuko.

"DYING!! I'M DYING!! IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS!!!"

Aang had only four bananas left. He cocked them, making sure they were ready to shoot. He walked in quietly, hoping to catch Zuko off guard, but Zuko was waiting for him! Zuko shot a banana at him, and Aang jumped sideways in slow motion, and shot his own bananas, hitting Zuko in the chest. But before Zuko went down, he fired once more, hitting Aang in the nads. (however small they are...) Aang went down. Suki walked in to see the boy and man laying on the floor, covered in wounds. (i.e. bananas)

"Why?! Why must it come to this? So many innocent lives, so much violence, so much hate. Why can't we all just live in peace—" Suki said, sadly.

"STILL DYING!! I'M DYING!!"

"Then either die, or STFU!!" Suki shouted. "I'M HAVING A MOMENT HERE!!"

"YOU SHUT UP!! I'M FUCKING DYING BITCH!!"

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!!"

"YOU SHUT UP!!"

"YOU SHUT UP!!"

"YOU SHUT UP!!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!" Zuko shouted.

"Hey! You're not dead!" Suki said.

"Of course not! I was hit by a _banana_! Stupid peasant." He grumbled.

Aang got up. "Hey, you wanna grab a taco?"

"Sure."

* * *

"OK, where _are_ we?!" Azula demanded. 

"How the hell should I know?!!" Rose shouted.

"Well, you're the author!!" Azula yelled.

"SO?!!"

"So you should know where we are!!"

"And you should know not to buy a map from a stoner!!"

"A _cute_ stoner!!"

"OK, ew! She was a _she_, and you're a _she_...I think."

"Hmpf. Stupid peasant."

"Stupid whatever-the-hell-you-are."

"A princess!"

"Of what?! Massive foreheads?!!"

"AUH!! Oh no you _didn't_!" -head bobble-

"...uh, yeah. I kinda did."

-catfight-

"-pant- OK, truce! -pant-"

"O-pant-K. Why don't -pant- you -pant- use that black -pant- hole to get us -pant- back?"

"Oh yeah..."

"_**IDIOT!!!!!"

* * *

**_

"We're ba-ack!" Rose sang.

"Joy." Mai said unenthusiastically. (Big word)

"So, were you guys good little children?" Azula mocked.

"Um..."

There was food everywhere, Haru and Yue had a mysterious "accident", Jin was "dying", Suki was fighting with Momo again, Appa had succeeded in eating Ty Lee, Aang had "FAG" written on his forehead, Zuko was covered in whipped cream and bananas (YUM! XD), Katara had a rash, Toph had grapple juice in her hair, Mai had watermelon seeds in her ears, Bumi was talking to a mirror, Zhao was still singing, Ozai was lighting random things on fire, Sokka was recovering, and Jet was still stuffed in the cabnit.

-sigh- "Well, at least you didn't blow each other up." Rose said.

-BOOM!!-

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"KARMA BITCH!!" Sokka shouted.

Rose had lots of little veiny things around her head. "SCREW THIS!! I'LL FINISH THIS IN ANOTHER CHAPTER!! I'M GOING HOME!!...Bye-ya Zukie-kun!"

* * *

**a/n: So, next chapter, I'll theraperize Jet, Zhao, and Bumi. Sorry for getting your hopes up, but this is already 9 pages long! Oh, and I just updated my other story, The Longest Week Ever!! and it's new chap. is 7 pages! Ya, I'm awesome! XD So, tell me what you think, and who'll be therapized first for the second time. 'Cuz I'm kinda running out of characters...**

**Review or you'll get "KARMA BITCH!!" lol**


	17. Jet

**

* * *

**

Jet

* * *

"Hey babe!"

"Aw, you _know_ you like it!"

"Fine, fine, I won't call you babe!"

"Is theraperize even a word?"

"Sure, doc."

"Aw, you _know_ you like it!"

"Well what am I supposed to call you?!"

"Mrs. Agni?"

"AUGH!! FIRENATION LOVER!!!"

"NO!! STAY AWAY!! DON'T TOUCH ME, DON'T TOUCH ME!!!"

"LIAR!! YOU WILL SO HURT ME!!! YOU'LL STAPLE ME TO A WALL AND STEAL MY SOUL!!!!"

"I AM NOT OVERREACTING!!"

"Oh, you're just an earthbender undercover. OK then."

"So, I just tell you what I see in the cards with ink on them? This isn't some sort of test is it?"

"OMFG!! I DIDN'T STUDY!!!"

"Oh, I'm not getting a grade? OK then."

"Firenation."

"Firenation."

"Firenation."

"Firenation."

"Sexy Prince."

"Firenation."

"Firenation."

"Firenation."

"Firenation."

"OMFG!! FIRENATION!!!"

"I am not obsessed!!"

------------------------------------Rose holds the card up again------------------------------------

"AUGH!! FIRENATION!!!"

-------Two hours (of convincing Jet the Firenation isn't going to staple him to a wall and steal his soul) later-----

"Th-the Firenation isn't go-go-going to staple me to a waaaaall and st-steal my soul."

"YAY!! JET'S A GOOD BOY!!!" -referring to himself in third person-

"OK! See ya later!!"

---------------------------walks out the door and turns the corner---------------------------------

-Zuko- "BOO!!"

"AAAAAH!!!" -girlish shriek-

* * *

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Firenationphobia; Obsessive; Arrogant Jerk_

_Treatment: Oh, what the hell! Lock him in a room with Zuko and Azula and see what happens...It'll build character! ...if he survives..._

_Current Status: In fetal position, rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb in a dark corner...HAHA!! This is better than cable!!_

_Additional Notes: He is one sick bitch._

_I think I'll have a dress-up-like-firenation day! -evil grin-

* * *

_

**a/n: OMFG!! I updated!! OK, yeah, I haven't updated, but I've been sick!! And I'm a wimp, so I just watched TV...but I finally did update!! -nervous laughter- Happy Valentines Day!! ...please don't kill me! I like picking on Jet and Zuko 'cuz it's so FUN!!! XD Oh, and for those who didn't get it, Agni is Zuko's last name! Oh yeah, be jealous!! XD lol**

**Review or** **Ty Lee and her (happy pill smoking) Barbie Doll minions will uh...make you fell ugly!!!**


	18. Bumi

**Bumi**

"Insane? Moi? Now what would give you that idea?"

"Well yes, I suppose I _did _try to kill Katara and Sokka..."

"Those three impossible challenges weren't _that_ hard..."

"And so what if I giggle creepily every now and then..."

"I'm not dating the Cabbage Man! (That was in high school) And his name is Sheldon!"

"Floppy? Oh, he's doing fine. Only killed three mailmen this week."

"Yes, yes I _am_ very proud."

"Actually, I've known Aang for a hundred and six years."

"I think my age is a little too personal. But I'll tell you anyway. Forty-two. Yes, yes. I know it's hard to believe. (I look much younger) But it's true!"

"As a child, I was picked on a lot. Aang was my only friend."

"That made me feel like...throwing them all in the dungeon! Oh yes, I had my revenge!"

"I did it when I was forty-six."

Erm, yes, I did say I was forty-two, but I just issued the order. And it's uh, my birthday. Right now. Wooh."

"Yes, I _can_ age four years in five minutes!"

"Don't argue with my divine logic! I threw them in the dungeon when I was forty-six!"

**Policeman: -kicks the door down- "Aha! A confession! Take him away boys!"**

"No! You'll never take me alive!" -throws smoke bomb- "-cough- Okay, that -cough- could have -cough- went better. -cough-"

"You haven't seen the last of me! Muhahahahahahaaack! -cough;choke;wheeze- Dammit."

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Insane._

_Treatment: Give him a paper beating._

_Current Condition: Trying to dig his way out of prison...with a sock._

_Additional Notes: That guy is a **maniac**! I don't want him anywhere near me! You see this?! This air around me?! **This** is my space! I need my space!_

_**NEED IT!!**_

**a/n: Okay, I updated! WHOO! Hey, I put a video on Youtube with funny pictures of Avatar, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Naruto. It's called Funny Avatar, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Naruto. I'm not good with names... --; lol anyway, check it out! My next patient is Zhao. After that, I'm going to give each character a SECOND therapy session. Just like usual, whoever gets the most votes, goes first. I think Zuko already has a vote or two, so hurry and VOTE!! **


	19. Zhao

**

* * *

**

Zhao

* * *

"That's _Commander_ Zhao to you, peasant!"

"Yes, I suppose I _was_ promoted to Admiral. In which case you should bow."

"I said bow peasant!"

"Well, yes, I am technically dead, but I can still kick your ass."

"Zuko did _not_ beat me in that Agni Kai!"

"He cheated!"

"Fire test? Okay. What do you want me to burn?"

"Oh, I look into the fire and tell you what I see? Whatever."

"I see...two birds. One bird is bigger, the other is little. Wait, the big bird is leaving! The little bird is trying to fly after it...it's gonna fall! It's..."

"I am _not_ a nut job!"

"The big bird was...Zuko. I LOVE YOU ZUKO! That's why I stalked you! And I tried to capture the Avatar to impress you! Don't leave me!!"

**Zuko: "Sorry, I'm too busy being whipped by Mai."**

"Fine! I'll just go with Azula! She's more of a man than you'll ever be anyway!"

**Cabbage Man: "Look out! Runaway cabbages!"**

---------------------------------Cabbage Man's cart hits Zhao--------------------------------------

**Cabbage Man: "No! My cabbages!"**

"-dead-" (again)

**Zuko: "Poor, poor cabbages. They will be missed."**

--------------------------------Trumpet playing in background------------------------------------

* * *

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Gay ass bitch._

_Treatment: Kill him with cabbages._

_Current Condition: Dead. (again)_

_Additional Notes: Those poor, poor cabbages!_

_Oh the humanity!_

_

* * *

_

**a/n: OK!! Book One is finished! Time for Book Two! Review and vote for your favorite character to have his/her second therapy session! WHOO! -sugar high- So R,R,&V!! (read, review, & vote) XD**


	20. Zuko and the Bunnies

Chapter 20:

Zuko (and the Bunnies)

"Would you care to explain to me, why _I'm still here_?!" Prince Zuko asked through gritted teeth.

"Because you are so screwed up, you need a second session. In fact, everyone does." The therapist explained. (We'll just call him Sheldon.)

"I am not screwed up!" Zuko protested.

"Aren't you?"

"Yes, and Sheldon is a wussy name!"

"Is it?"

"Yes, that's what I just said!!"

"Did you?"

"Just because you say it in a question, it doesn't make you right!"

"Doesn't it?"

"AUGH!! JUST SHUT UP!!" Zuko shouted.

"And how does that make you feel?" Sheldon asked, scribbling on his clipboard.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!"

"Mmhm. Mmhm. Yes, let it all out."

"OH, I'LL LET IT OUT!! I'LL LET MY FOOT OUT ON YOUR BUTT!!"

"Fantasy...about...same...sex..." Sheldon said, as he wrote it on his clipboard.

Zuko's eyes narrowed to slits. "You. Will. Die." He said, his voice deathly calm.

"Here." Sheldon said, suddenly, shoving a bunny-shaped doll at Zuko. "Take out all your anger on Mr. Snuffles."

_WTF?!_ Zuko thought, looking at the bunny. "How will that help anything?!"

"Oh, it won't. I just _really _don't like Mr. Snuffles." Sheldon said. Then he whispered, "His eyes follow you! It's EVIL!! EEEEEEVVIIIIIIILL!!"

"Riiiiiiight. And _I'm_ the one that's screwed over." Zuko said sarcastically.

"Well, according to Jet..." Sheldon began.

"According to Jet, I what?!" Zuko demanded.

"You two got it on like were-bunnies in a utility closet." Sheldon said.

"WHAT THE HECK!! HOW DOES HE EVEN _KNOW_ HOW WERE-BUNNIES "GET IT ON" ANYWAY?!" Zuko shouted.

"Well, first the male—"

"EWWW!! I DON'T WANNA KNOW!!"

**DING!**

"Oh, well that's the timer!" Sheldon said. "Your five minutes are up. NEXT!!"

"Wait, what?! Who gives a five minute therapy session?!"

"I do."

Zuko moved towards Sheldon, hands smoking.

"SECURITY!!" Sheldon shouted. Bob (the security guard, remember?) picked Zuko up, and threw him out the door, (He was wearing a heat-proof suit.) with Zuko shouting profanities about bunnies, Jet, and five minutes.

Aang looked up from his Saving the World for Dummies book. "What—" he started to ask, then stopped. _I don't even want to know..._

* * *

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: I already wrote this during the first session! -sigh- Fine. He's a jerk, idiot, has anger management issues, and lacks any and all common sense/logical thinking. There. Ya happy now?!_

_Treatment: Bunnies. Lots and lots of bunnies._

_Current Status: In a corner muttering about Jet and bunnies._

_Additional Notes: Hmm, I seem to have traumatized him even further..._

_Oh well. -shrugs-_

* * *

**The End**

**?**

_Bunnies. So many bunnies. Where am I? _Zuko thought, looking around.

"You're in Happy Bunny Land, silly!" Ty Lee giggled from somewhere. Her voice seemed to be coming from everywhere at once...

Zuko looked around. Butterflies, and bunnies, and ponies, oh my! Suddenly, a little yellow fur ball popped up in front of him. "In _my_ world, everyone's a pony, and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!" Then it gasped for air, and disappeared into a bush.

_Wow, that was really beautiful...in a creepy sort of way..._Zuko found himself thinking. All around him, as far as the eye could see, was happiness. There was even a fountain with cute little turtle ducks! And strangely enough, he started smiling. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all...

Then, just as he had thought that wondrous, happy thought, all the bunnies, ponies, and butterflies looked up and stared at him. "Well, hello cute little—" Fangs popped out of the bunnies mouths, and the ponies eyes turned red. A butterfly landed on his nose, and he looked at it. It's horrible bug eyes, and creepy, hairy, black body. "AAAAUUGH!!" he shouted, sitting up in bed. Wait! Bed! _It was just a dream..._he thought, sighing in relief. He looked up, noticing something on his bed. Mr. Snuffles. "NOOOOOOOOO!!" he shouted, jumping out of bed, and running away from it. Into a wall. He staggered back to his feet, and ran into the doorway. Then, he tripped over the rug trying to get back up again. Azula walked by, backed up, and then shook her head slowly. "Poor, delusional brother." she said, tsk-ing softly. Zuko just groaned.

**a/n: OK, I know. I haven't updated in a while, but with testing coming up, I've been super busy. I have History, Reading, Science, and Math CRT's plus the EOI AND the writing test...so yeah. But I added on an extra bonus story just for you readers! That makes up for it, right? RIGHT?!**


	21. Toph and the Spazz

**Chapter 21:**

**Toph (and the Spazz)**

"Yo."

"Actually, It's Mr. Ho." The therapist stated, without looking up from his clipboard.

"Mr...Ho?!" Toph laughed.

"Yes." He snapped. "Gung Ho. Mr. Ho. It is a perfectly acceptable name!"

"Riiiiiight."

"Well, let's get down to business." Mr. Ho said, finally looking up.

"And how does that make you feeeeeeel?" Toph asked.

"What?" Mr. Ho asked, confused.

"How does this 'business' make you feel?" She explained, using air quotes.

"I am the therapist here!"

"Oh? Or are you simply seeking to escape from your own problems through other people?" Toph asked, her legs crossed, and fingers locked, sounding very smartical.

"Um, well I..." He stuttered.

"Having indecision are we? Perhaps this could be a sign of being bipolar, hmm?" Toph said, scribbling on the clipboard.

"Hey! That's my clipboard, and wait, when did you steal that from me?!" He asked, looking around.

"Delusions...paranoia...lack of attention..." Toph muttered, still scribbling.

"Wait! It's that I..."

"Yes, yes. Let it out."

"Well, it all started when I was born..." Mr. Ho began.

_Several hours later..._

"And then when I was two I—" Mr. Ho started.

"Yes, I think that's enough for now. Your session is over. That will be 50 gold." Toph said, with her hand out.

Mr. Ho fished in his pocket, paid, and shuffled out the door.

"Sucker!" Toph whispered, smirking, before leaving herself.

It was five minutes before Mr. Ho realized that the patient had not only maneuvered her way out of therapy, but had also cheated him out of 50 gold. And then when he did, he had to deal with a certain angry Prince demanding to know why Toph got more time than he did.

_Doctor's Note: -scribbling-_

_Diagnosis: -scribbling-_

_Treatment: -scribbling-_

_Current Status: -scribbling-_

_Extra Notes: -scribbling-_

**a/n: OK, I updated late again, but I'm trying to put together a new story and stuff so yeah...excuses, excuses. Um, the notes are scribbles 'cuz yeah...Toph's blind! But anyway, thanks for sticking with me, and REVIEW!!**

**...**

**I'm not writing anymore...**

**...**

**Seriously, guys! Quit reading!**

**...**

**I said NO!!**

**...**

**-sigh- Fine.**

**CAUTION**

**Extreme Randomness**

**You have been warned**

Toph was walking down the street, just minding her own business. Okay, so actually she may have been stalking a certain idiot with a boomerang named Aangy. Suddenly, Prince Zuko stalked by muttering something about Jet, bunnies, and five minutes. He was shortly followed by a spazz we've all come to know and hate.

"I'm bored." Mai muttered.

Toph rolled her eyes. She didn't know whether to laugh at the irony, or slap her. Ironically, Mai—who complained she was bored all the time—was the most boring person in the history of ever!

"Wait! Did you just roll your eyes at me?! OH NO YOU DIDINT!!" Mai shouted, snapping her fingers in a Z formation!

Toph cocked an eyebrow, 'cuz she was cool like that. "What's your problem?"

"My parents never loved me, and I keep my feelings bottled up all the time! So since Zuko isn't here for me to abuse and yell at, I'll just spazz at you! SO BRING IT! I'LL BEAT YOU DOWN! I'LL—" Mai shouted.

Well, until she was interrupted by Toph punching her in the nose. Mai was KO'd! OHHHHH!! Toph just stood there for a second, and looked at Mai. Then she looked to the right, to the left, popped a knee with her hands on her hips, sang:

"Bow bow bow now now now! And another one bites the dust!"

**...**

**See?! That's what happens**

**...**

**When I have random thoughts**

**...**

**It gets...random. Very random.**


	22. Azula goes insane!

_Chapter 22:_

_Azula (goes insane!)_

"Nice straitjacket." Zuko said, smirking as Azula was being escorted into the therapist office.

"Nice face." Azula retorted, smirking as Zuko scowled.

She sat down in the chair, and looked coldly at the man in front of her.

"Hello. My name is Sheldon Gung Ho." He said, steepling his fingers. "You may address me as Mr. Ho."

"And you may address me as Princess Azula, peasant!" Azula sniffed.

"Ah, yes. I've heard a lot about you..."

"Oh, and what have you heard?"

"Well, according to Jet..."

"Oh him." Azula waved her hand dismissively. "He's just mad because I didn't tell him I was Firenation first."

"First?" Mr. Ho asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Mm, yes. Let's just say it involved a whip, black leather, and handcuffs and leave it at that..." Azula said, smirking.

"Wow. Even as your therapist, that was so much more than I needed to know..." Mr. Ho said, grimacing.

"Yes, well, you'd think he'd be able to recognize me, and especially Zuko. I mean, for someone so obsessed with the Firenation."

Mr. Ho started to say something, but Azula cut him off.

"I mean, Zuko has that huge scar and all, and my face is currently posted all over the world...I mean, I _did_ single-handedly take over Ba Sing Se." Azula continued, ignoring him.

"What about the soldiers, and Mai and Ty Lee." Mr. Ho pointed out.

"Whatever. I mean, I did all the real work, and how could he not recognize me?! Is it because I'm not pretty enough for him?! IS IT?!" Azula shouted.

"No, o-of course not." Mr. Ho stuttered, intimidated.

"Oh, then you're saying I'm fat?! IS THAT A FAT JOKE?!"

"N-no, y-your highness!"

"I mean, I eat granola bars and stuff! BUT NOOOOOOOOOO!! Ty Lee can stay skinny, so why can't I?! HUH?!" She ranted.

"SECURITY!!" Mr. Ho shouted, and Bob came in with his heat-proof suit on.

Azula ripped open her straitjacket in an awesome display of psychotic-ness.

"AUGH!!" She roared, and Bob took a step back.

"Ooo. Is that a heat-proof suit? Yeah, bring a heat-proof suit to a fight with a lightning bender! Real smart." Azula said sarcastically.

Bob's eyes widened, but it was too late. Azula shot a bolt of lightning at him, and he burst threw the door.

Zuko lept back, and pretended like he wasn't listening at the door...by whistling.

Toph on the other hand, "watched" Bob fly back and hit the wall.

"OOOOOOH! You just got PWNED!!" She shouted, laughing.

Then, Azula came storming out of the office, and everyone jumped back, except for Toph. 'Cuz she's just cool like that.

"Okay, who's next?!" She demanded, fists still smoking.

Zuko stepped forward, his fists smoking now too.

They had a standoff/staredown Western style.

"This office ain't big enough for the two of them..." Sokka whispered to Aang.

Zuko was about to make his move, when Ty Lee bounced up behind Azula, hit her on the shoulder, and she collapsed.

Zuko stared in shock. "What...Why'd you do that?!"

"Because. I keep trying to get her to come to Happy Bunny Land with me, and she keeps running off. Naughty, naughty little princess." Ty Lee said, wagging her finger at the unconscious Azula, before grabbing her feet and dragging her off with a scary smile.

"Creeeeeeepy." Aang said, backing away slowly.

"Yeah, just try living with them." Zuko said, shuddering.

"No wonder you're so screwed up..." Katara said, shaking her head.

"HEY!!"

**Since you've been**

**such good little readers**

**I've decided...**

**To include a short story!**

**-silence-**

**With EVERY session!!**

**-cheers and throws confetti-**

When Azula woke up, the first thing she noticed was the smell of cactus juice. She sighed.

_Great. Cactus juice. Just what Ty Lee needs..._

She slowly got up, wondering where she was.

"Am I dreaming?" She asked aloud.

Just then, the Cabbage Man danced past, doing...the cabbage patch dance. What else?

"Ooookaaaaaaay. I'll take that as a yes..."

She looked around, and saw that she was in a brown cell made out of rocks. There were no bars, just four walls, and a seemingly endless ceiling.

Other than the Cabbage Man, it wasn't really all that strange...

She glared at him. Now he had started singing!

"Go cabbage man, it's your birthday! Your cabbages are still purr-fect! WHOO!"

-ZAP!!-

"My cabbages!!" He shouted, before screaming running away...into a wall. He conked out, and didn't move.

Azula snickered evilly.

Suddenly, glowing red eyes appeared in the corners of the cell, and evil laughter rang out echoing in the cell. It sounded suspiciously like Zuko...

The eyes started moving towards her, and she scoffed. She was _soooo_ much scarier than any monster...that was growling, and had glowing red eyes, and was big, and...

She gulped, staring at the mass of red eyes slowly moving towards her.

A foot stepped out of the shadows and one of the monsters appeared. It was a... BUNNY!!

Azula screamed. _I hate bunnies!! _She thought, shooting lightning at them. Or, trying to. But the lightning just wouldn't come!

The first bunny picked up a plunger, and whacked it into his free hand, slowly walking towards her.

"What are you doing?!" She demanded, managing to keep from whimpering.

The bunny just gave an evil, fang-toothed smile, and then they attacked. Azula disappeared beneath a mass of bunnies as they whacked her on the head, and plunger'd her face.

She screamed, but it was cut off by the plunger as she slowly sank down into the sea of plunger-wielding bunnies, until a single hand was left, groping for the ceiling, and soon even that was gone.

--

Zuko snuck into Azula's room as quietly as possible. He grinned evilly, before waving a vile of cactus juice under her nose, the smell quickly intoxicating her.

She tossed a bit, and frowned. He chuckled evilly, before disappearing back into the shadows to watch.

She soon started to toss and turn even more, and then she whimpered, and her hand started groping in the air, before falling limply to her side.

Zuko laughed silently, and grinned.

Azula gasped, and bolted up. Zuko subtly lit the candle next to her bed. She slowly turned around.

Only to see...MR. SNUFFLES!! She screamed, and ran into Uncle's room, only to see him flexing in front of a mirror. Naked. (ew!!)

She screaming, again, and ran back out of the room, clawing at her eyes.

"KARMA!!" Zuko shouted.

**a/n: So, review and tell me if you liked it or not. I realize this was probably a little too random and stupid, but...I'm currently on a 6-hour drive to Arkansas, so sue me.**

**PS: Review!! **

**Or Karma will get you! D**


	23. Katara and her Plans

_Chapter 23:_

_Katara and her Plans_

"NEXT!!" Mr. Ho shouted, sticking his head out the door.

Zuko winced and cleaned out his ear. "That was my _ear_!"

"That was my ear!" Mr. Ho mocked in a high, girly voice.

Zuko growled, and his hand lit on fire.

"NO!" Katara shouted, squirting him with a spray bottle. "Bad Zuko, bad!"

Zuko hissed, and clawed at the water, before reluctantly sitting back down.

"I'm not getting paid enough to do this." Mr. Ho muttered.

Katara lay down on the couch while Mr. Ho fiddled with his paperwork.

"Now, Katara I—are you asleep?!"

Katara just snored, before snorting and drooling a little.

Mr. Ho sighed, and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life."

Katara continued to snore, before rolling off the couch. "Whaaa?" She looked around, confused.

"You fell asleep." Mr. Ho pointed out.

"Oh, sorry. I was up all night threatening Zuko."

"'Threatening'?" Mr. Ho raised his eyebrows and waggled them.

"Oh yes! Don't think I don't know about his plans, because I know about his plans. But he doesn't know about my plans, because I don't have plans, but I _do _have plans! And I know he knows that I know that he knows that I know that he knows that I know that he knows that I know about his plans! And I will have plans to destroy his plans that I know about, that he knows I know about, that he knows about. Oh yes...I know..."

"Riiiiiiiiiight."

"Yes! He plans to destroy my plans to destroy his plans because he has plans that I know he knows I know about, which are really my plans, because my plans have become his plans! And I planned it all." Katara finished smugly.

"Yes, but what about Azula's plans?" Mr. Ho pointed out.

"Shoot."

"What if Azula's plans are to destroy Zuko's plans which are really your plans, because she knows that you know that he knows that you know about your/his plans, and she plans to know about your plans because she already knows about his plans that you know about, so she needs to know about your plans, which are really your plans, which she already knows about!" Mr. Ho said, triumphantly grinning.

"That makes no sense whatsoever." Katara said, scooting towards the door.

"Of course it makes sense! It's your plans!" Mr. Ho snapped.

"But I don't have any plans."

"What?!"

"What?"

"What!"

"Whaaaat?"

"No, I said what first!"

"And I said it second."

"WHAT?!"

"Wait...what?"

"I don't even know what you're talking about anymore!" Mr. Ho shouted.

"Well, I don't know what you're talking about either!" Katara shouted back.

"Of course you know I'm talking about, but I don't know what you're talking about!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I just know what I'm talking, which definitely isn't what you're talking about!"

"So you do know what I'm talking about!"

"YES! Yes, I know what you're talking about, okay!" Katara shouted exasperatedly.

"I knew it! But wait, what are _you _talking about?" Mr. Ho asked, suspiciously.

"I thought you knew what I was talking about!"

"Of course I don't know what you're talking about! I just know that you know that I know what I'm talking about, which isn't what you're talking, which I don't know what that is, I just know that you know what I'm talking about!" Mr. Ho shouted, losing his patience.

"What?"

"AUGH!! OUT! GET OUT!!" Mr. Ho shouted, pointing furiously towards the door.

Katara ran out the door, nervously looking over her shoulder.

"Hey Katara, what were you guys talking about?" Aang asked innocently.

"I don't even know."

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Crazy!_

_Treatment: I don't know...but she does!_

_Current Status: Chasing Zuko with a spray gun..._

_Additional Notes: I know about her plans, which are really Zuko's plans, that she knows he knows she knows about! But Azula knows about Zuko's plans, which are really her plans, only she doesn't know about Katara's plans, but she knows that Katara knows that Zuko knows that Katara knows about his plans which Azula knows about!_

_But do _YOU_ know about the plans?_

**a/n: LOL! Okay, okay. I know. I never update...I'M SORRY!! I just switched computers, and started Highschool (yep, I'm a Freshman XP) and, and...I've got nothin. **

**But to reward you for loyalty, here's a double update!! :)**

**Oh, and here's your story:**

Azula laid in her silk canopy bed and smirked. Mr. Ho was right, she really did know about Katara's plans-which were really Zuko's.

But what Katara _didn't_ know about was that Zuko's plans were really her plans, which had become Katara's plans!

Oh yes, and she had _truly_ planned it all...

--

Zuko laid in his cot and chuckled quietly. Katara _thought_ she knew about his plans, but really he knew about her plans, which had actually become his plans, which were to destroy Azula's plans. And he knew that Azula thought she knew about Katara's plans, which were acutally his plans, but really it was the other way around!

And no one knew any different...

--

Katara lay in her sleeping bag, and grinned a surprisingly evil grin. For she knew that Zuko had plans to become her plans, so he could destroy Azula's plans. But she knew about Azula's plans, and she planned to destroy them _and_ Zuko's plans, which really weren't her plans, because she knew about Zuko's plans!

And she would get away with it too...

--

And you sit in your seat, and read all about Azula's plans to use Zuko's plans to destroy Katara's plans, which she thought were Zuko's plans, which Zuko thought were Katara's plans, but really they weren't Katara's plans because Katara's plans were to destroy both Zuko's _and_ Azula's plans!

And as you sit there, you plan, and plot, and scheme. And do you know what you plan to do? You plan to...

**REVIEW!!**


	24. Ty Lee and the Aliens

_Chapter 24:_

_Ty Lee and the Aliens_

"Okay, gaang. Get it? G**aang**?" Mr. Ho chuckled nervously. "Ahem, well then. Let me introduce you to your new therapist and my sister, Ms. Galore."

Jet slid up to her. "Hi, I'm Jet!"

"And I'm Not Interested." Ms. Galore said, glaring at him.

"Hiya! I'm Aang." Aang said, smiling as usual.

Zuko smirked at Ms. Galore, and slowly looked her up and down. He casually leaned back against the wall, missed, and fell.

Sokka laughed and shouted, "It's true! He really can't hit the front side of a wall!"

Zuko glared at him, and Katara raised her spray gun threateningly. He backed down pretty quick.

"Okay then," Ms. Galore said, attempting to diffuse the tension. "Jet, how about you go first?"

Jet just grinned, and mouthed 'SCORE!' to Zuko as he walked in.

"WHEEEE! WHEEEE! WHEEEEEEE!" Ty Lee shouted, spinning around in Ms. Galore's rolling chair.

"On second thought, this girl obviously requires my immediate attention. Maybe next time." Ms. Galore said, shooing Jet back out the door, while glancing at Ty Lee who was currently wobbling around the room.

Zuko watched Jet come out, and mouthed, "REJECTED!"

--

Meanwhile, Ty Lee continued to wobble around the room before collapsing on the couch in a fit of giggles.

"Oh! Hi there!" Ty Lee said, finally noticing Ms. Galore. "I'm Ty Lee! What's your name?"

"Ms. Posse Galore."

"Posse?"

"Yes, like a group of outlaws: Posse." Ms. Galore said curtly.

"Sooooo it's Mr. Ho and Ms. Posse Galore?" Ty Lee asked.

"Yes."

"Neat-o!"

"Right. So, my files say this is your third session."

"Yep! Azula says I've been a very bad girl." Ty Lee said, smiling happily.

"Oooooookay then."

"So, what's up doc?" Ty Lee asked, before erupting into another fit of giggles.

"Well, I hear that you are a frequent ah, 'visitor' to a so called, 'Happy Bunny Land'." Ms. Galore said, using air quotes.

"You know, Haru uses air quotes. He's gay."

"Thank you for that lovely information." Ms. Galore ground out.

"You're welcome!" Ty Lee chirped, smiling...again.

Zuko walked in, shirtless and dripping wet. "I need some staples."

"O-of course." Ms. Galore stuttered, feeling a little light-headed at the magnificent sight before her.

"Why are you shirtless?" Ty Lee asked.

Zuko looked down, and feigned surprise. "Oh, silly me! I just took a shower, and I must have forgot to put my shirt back on."

"We have showers in here?" Ty Lee blinked, confused.

"Yes, Ty Lee. We have showers." Zuko said, still smiling, albeit through gritted theeth.

Ty Lee shrugged. "Okay, sure."

"Here's your staples." Ms. Galore said, fluttering her eyelashes at Zuko.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" Ty Lee asked. "You know, I used to have a diseased ostrich-horse with the same problem."

Zuko and Ms. Galore both glared at Ty Lee.

Zuko turned back to Ms. Galore and said in a low voice, "Thanks, I owe you one."

"Why do you need staples?" Ty Lee interrupted.

"Because I just do!" Zuko shouted, before storming out.

Ty Lee turned to Ms. Galore. "What's his problem?"

Ms. Galore briefly contemplated stapling her head, before sitting back down, and reading her files again.

"I'm boooooored-duh!" Ty Lee whined.

Ms. Galore gritted her teeth, and was silent.

"Are we done yet?"

"No."

"Are we done yet?"

"NO."

"Are we done yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we done y—"

"**NO!** We are not done yet, and if you keep asking, we never will be done!" Ms. Galore shouted, gripping the stapler.

Ty Lee eyed the stapler nervously. "Um, Ms. Galore, I think maybe you should calm down..."

Ms. Galore blinked, and sat down. "Right. Of course." She slowly let go of the stapler, and Ty Lee relaxed.

That is, until the fire alarm went off.

Ty Lee jumped and shrieked.

"It's okay. It's just a drill." Ms. Galore soothed.

"It's not a drill!" Ty Lee wailed. "They're here to get me!"

"Who are?"

"Don't let them take me away!!" Ty Lee shouted, running over, and clinging to Ms. Galore.

"Now, Ty Lee I know it's loud, but...Ty Lee please stop crying...It's just a drill! Oh, shut up Ty Lee!" Ms. Galore shouted, removing Ty Lee and stomping out the door.

Ty Lee crawled under the desk and began to frantically shout, "Aliens! Aliens! Alieeeeens!!"

_Doctor's Note:_

_Diagnosis: Crazy psycho weirdo._

_Treatment: Staaaaapleeeeer..._

_Current Status: Under the desk yelling about aliens._

_Additional Notes: Zuko Prince Zuko Zuko Agni Mr. Agni Mrs. Galore-Agni Mrs. Agni Zuko & Possse _

_I heart Zuko!_

**a/n: And here's the second part of the double feature! I hope you all enjoyed, and remember! REVIEW!!**

**Or the aliens will get you! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

Mai groaned, and slowly opened her eyes. "Whaaa...Where am I?"

"You idiot!" Someone shouted in a strangely altered voice. "You grabbed the wrong girl! You were supposed to get the Happy One!"

"But I _did _get the Happy One!" Another equally strange voice protested.

Her vision slowly swam into focus until she could see three identical, little green men surrounding her. And she realized that she was strapped to a dissection table.

"Oh dear Agni, I'm gonna die!" She moaned.

"Does that look like happy to you?!" The first voice demanded, gesturing wildly and making little hm-ing noises.

"It's not his fault!" The third one protested, "All humans look the same!"

"Yeah! It's not my fault!"

The first one sighed, and said, "Well, did you at least leave a replacement clone?"

"Yes!" Voice number two declared proudly. "I left a cow."

--

Meanwhile, back on Earth...

The gaang all gathered around a cow with a 'Hello, my name is Mai' sticker on it.

Zuko was the first to speak. "I say it's an improvement."

They all agreed, and carried about their business as usual.

Except for Ty Lee. She was still shouting about aliens under the desk.


	25. Aang Ain't White!

**a/n: Okay, before we start out here, I want to apologize for my habitual lateness...and for my shameless stealing.**

**Yeah, I just want to go ahead, and put a disclaimer out: I do NOT own Avatar: TLA, , or Whitest Kids U Know. I just thought WKUK would go great with this story!**

**Speaking of which, AANG AIN'T WHITE!! Even though he has large eyes, he's still not white! I mean, he's practically a Buddhist monk, fights in an Asian style, and is still ultimately Asian!**

**AND NEITHER IS ZUKO!! Did you know that in the live action movie of Avatar, Zuko will be played by...JESSE MCCARTNEY?!! WTF?!!**

**So yeah, if you think whitewashing the entire Avatar cast is **_**wrong**_**, go to ****.com****.**

**One last thing, this is my version of what would happen if the Avatar gaang was white.**

"Aang! Aang! Come look! _Quick_!!" Katara shouted.

"Yeah?"

"They're about to announce the three main roles for our movie!" Katara said, smiling happily.

"And now, Nickelodeon has finally released the names of the actors playing the leading roles in the live action movie, Avatar: The Last Airbender!" The announcer said over the television screen.

"Come on! Hurry!" Katara said, dragging Aang into the waiting area/living room.

"Sokka of the Water Tribe will be played by...Jackson Rathbone. Katara of the Water Tribe will be played by...Nicole Peltz. AND the final and leading role will be played by Jesse McCartney..."

"Well, that's not too bad." Aang said. "I mean, he kinda looks like me, and he's really cute and sweet like—"

"...as Zuko Agni, Prince of the Fire Nation!"

"WHAT?!!" Aang shouted. "Where's my actor?! Zuko's not a leading role!!"

"WHAT?!!" Zuko shouted. "My actor is some white pretty boy?!!"

Katara and Sokka just stared at the screen, slack jawed. "Katara?"

"Yeah?"

"We're...We...Him...WHITE?!!"

"Those racist bastards! Those sexist, racist bastards!! Those...those...THOSE ISTS!!!" Katara shouted, jumping to her feet, and pointing at the TV screen acusingly.

"Katara, calm down." Aang said. "I mean, it's not _all_ bad..."

"Oh yeah?!" Katara shouted. "Name one good thing! _ONE_!!"

"Zuko's gonna look like a pansy." Aang said, completely serious.

"True. But still! This is just totally WRONG!" Sokka said.

"What's the big deal? I mean, it's just a movie." Aang said, shrugging.

"Yeah, I mean, all the actors can just paint their faces brown, and use eyeliner, and fake martial arts!" Toph said sarcastically.

"Exactly!" Aang said. "And besides, it's not like we can change anything."

"What do you mean we can't change anything?!" Sokka demanded.

"I say we jump Jesse McCartney! Stupid pretty boy pansy playing _my _boyfriend..." Mai muttered.

"Well, for all intents and purposes we _are_ fictional. How can there be Asian people in a made-up world?" Aang asked.

"Yeah, but it's _my_ made-up world!" Zuko argued.

Everyone stared at him.

"What?!" He demanded. "I'm the Prince, and I'm gonna rule the Fire Nation, and that's pretty much the entire world anyhow!"

Sokka glared at him. "Keep dreaming, _princess_!"

"Guys! Guys!" Katara shouted. "The point here is, we have to _do_ something!"

"Pfft. Whatever." Aang said, walking away, muttering: "Save the world Aang! Unlock the Avatar State Aang! Always do the right thing Aang! Defeat the Fire Lord Aang! Defeat _Nickelodeon Movies_ Aang!"

Aang stormed into his dorm room, and flopped down on his bed. "This is so stupid! It's not even a big deal anyway! I mean, what _if_ everyone was white?! So what?! How bad could it be?"

Slowly he drifted of to sleep..._How bad could it be? ..........How bad could it be? ...........How bad?...._

"Aang...Aang...Aang!!"

Aang woke up with a start. "What? Who's there?"

A mysterious voice from the heavens drifted down. "I'm your Christmas Aang-gel..."

"...that was lame."

The voice ignored him. "I'm here to make your wish come true..."

"What wish?" Aang asked, confused.

The voice giggled a surprisingly mean giggle. "After all..._How bad could it be?!_"

A sudden wind blasted him, and the room flashed bright for a second, and then all was calm.

"What the..." Aang muttered. Then shook his head as if to forget what just happened, and walked out of the room.

"Guys?" Aang called.

"Aang! Aang! Come look! _Quick_!!" Katara shouted.

"Yeah?"

"I took a pregnancy test!" Katara said, smilingly happily.

Aang's eyes widened. "A what?!"

Just then, a white Zuko walked up. Actually...they were all...WHITE?! "Let me see that!" White Zuko demanded. "That's my iPod shuffle...You peed on my iPod Shuffle. You stupid bitch!"

"What did you just call her?" A white Sokka demanded.

"You heard me!" wZuko shouted.

"You want a face full of fist?!" wSokka shouted.

"You want an ass full of kick?!"

"Bring it!"

"Oh, I'll bring it!"

"Oh yeah, well I've already brought it!"

"Oh yeah, well...yeah!"

"Bitch, bring it!" wSokka yelled.

"That's it!" wZuko shouted. Aang moved to stop him, standing between him and Sokka. "Hold me back Aang, hold me back!"

Aang just stared at him. wZuko wasn't even trying!

"Katara!" wSokka shouted. "Hold me back, or I swear I'll..."

"No, Sokka, no!" Katara shouted, holding wSokka back.

_What is going on here?! Aang thought. Zuko and Sokka in a...__**hold me back fight**__?!!_

"I challenge you..." wZuko shouted.

_Finally! I never thought I'd be happy to see an Agni Kai but..._

"...to Tomb Raiders!"

_WHAT?!_

"You're on!" wSokka shouted, already running towards the TV.

"Guys! What are you doing?! Shouldn't you be in like, an Agni Kai or something?!" Aang demanded.

"Agnih-whaty?" Zuko asked.

"He _said_, Ahgnih Kay." wSokka said.

"No, it was Aaahg-knee Kigh." wZuko said, drawing out the syllables.

Aang just stared as the argued about the pronunciation. A loud pop drew his attention over to where wAzula, wMai, and wTy Lee were. Strangely enough, wAzula now had _huge_, obviously fake boobs.

wAzula was chewed gum, and popping it obnoxiously loud. "What do you want, Loser!" She said, making an 'L' with her fingers and putting it on her ginormous forehead.

"Azula?!"

"It's Allie. Gawd." wAzula said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah!" Ty Lee sneered.

"Ty?!"

"It's Tay. Like, Taylor."

"...M-Mai?" Aang asked, almost afraid to.

"May. As in the month, dipstick." wMai answered.

"Hey, um...Tay? You wanna do some Yoga with me?" Aang asked, hoping to bring the old Ty back.

"I don't do Yoga." wTy said.

"But—"

wTy smirked. "The only bending I do is 'round a pole."

"Uh...right. May? You wanna do target practice with me?" Aang asked.

"With what?"

"Your um, knives and stuff. They're sharp as nails!" Aang said, still trying to get back some of his normal life.

"Honey, I don't do nails...I _get_ nailed! Yoo hoo! Zuzu!" wMai called.

"Ttyl, Aang..." wAzula said, walking off with wTy and wMai. "..._not_!" They all laughed meanly.

_There has to be __**someone**__ that wasn't affected by my wish...TOPH!_

Aang ran over to where wToph, wSuki, wYue, and wKatara were sitting.

"Omg you guys! Sokka's being really weird to me! He just got back from his comic book convention, and it's just been really strange!" wToph was saying. "And I don't know, we've been together for a few months, and maybe it's just getting old. Or maybe I'm just over-analyzing everything 'cuz, you know, it's that time of the month..."

"Oh! You're on your period!" All the girls chorused.

wToph nodded. "It's hard being tough all the time, and it just really sucks!"

"Hey, you know, I'm on my period too!" Katara said.

"Oh! She's on her period!"

"Her period!"

"Ohhh!"

"And when I'm on it, my boobs get really sore." Katara continued, and Aang's eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

"Oh! You're boobs get sore!"

"And you're on your period!"

"Ohhh!"

"My boobs get really sore when I'm on my period too. And I get really moody! It's like an emotional roller coaster!" Suki chimed in.

"Oh! Emotional roller coaster!" They chorused, making wavy motions.

"Dips and valleys!"

"And your boobs!"

"And you're on your period!"

"And I get really upset when I'm on my period, because my boyfriend will only talk to me for a half an hour!" Yue said, pouting.

"Only a half an hour!" They all said.

"Ohhh!"

"And you're on your period!"

"Emotional roller coaster!"

"And your boobs...your boobs get sore!"

"And you're on your period!"

"And my boyfriend only talks to me for a half an hour!"

"Half an hour!"

"Because he has better things to do with his life!" Aang finally shouted, fed up. "You know what?! Where's Appa and Momo?!"

"Over here!" wJet called.

Aang ran over there, happy to finally have something _normal_...like a giant flying bison/cow.

Aang pulled up short. "Jet...this is a goldfish."

"Yeah. We call it Freddie." wJet said.

Aang turned towards the heavens and shouted, "A _goldfish_?! AW, COME ON!"

"Hey, watch it, crazy! I swear these people are crazier than a bunch of dykes!" wJet said.

A football hit him in his back.

"Ow! Oh god! Who's playing football indoors, huh?! Now I know what it's like to get tagged by a bunch of gooks!" wJet shouted.

A door opens, hits him in the face, and a harried beta runs out.

"Oh! Did you see that?! I just got hit by that Jew beta!" wJet said, grimacing in pain.

wKatara is attempting to dance, trying to do the running man, and her platform shoe flies across the room, and hits wJet in the stomach.

"Ooof! What the hell, shoe?! Who's that dancing?! Some greasy spic?!" wJet demanded.

Just then, a lightning bolt goes through the skylight, and hit wJet, effectively electrocuting him.

"Yeah!" wSokka shouted, "That's instant karma for you, bigot!"

Aang just stared at the people around him. "Okay!" He finally shouted. "I get it! It would be _really bad_ if we were all white!" He fell to his knees, and begged the heavens (ceiling). "Just please change us back! Please!"

"Please...please." Aang muttered, twisting in his bed. "PLEASE!"

He sat up, breathing heavily.

"Sounds like someone's having a, ahem..._nice_ dream." Jet said, smirking, and creepily sitting on Aang's bedside. "You're sweating like some kind of dago."

Aang whacked him with his staff. "Shut up."

Aang ran out the door, and into the living room. "Guys?" He called.

Two black-looking Inuits, and several Asians looked up at him.

"Guys!" Aang shouted.

"Oh Zuko," Aang said, hugging him. "I love you, and your violent customs!"

"Azula!" Aang shouted, running to her, "You don't have boobs anymore!"

Azula snarled, and lightning appeared in her hands. Aang quickly turned to Mai and Ty Lee. "You aren't sluts anymore!"

"Well...uh yeah...ahem..." Ty Lee began, but Aang had already moved on to Katara.

"Katara! You aren't a stupid bi—you're not stupid anymore!" Aang said, hugging her and moving on to Jet, who was staggering out of Aang's room.

"Jet! You're...um, you...you're exactly the same." Aang paused then turned to Toph. "Toph! You're not whining and annoying anymore!"

"Oh guys! You were right. Whitewashing our movie is totally wrong...and disturbing." Aang said.

"Yeah, but you were right too." Sokka admitted. "We really can't do anything about it."

Rose0404 walked out of her room. "But the readers can!"

"Hey! It's the author!" Katara shouted.

"Yep. And while you guys can't do anything, all the nice people that are reading this _can_! Just go to .com. Then, following their advice, you can write and mail a letter to the producers. If we all make enough of a fuss about it, and threaten to boycott, we might be able to change this!" Rose said.

"Yeah, you guys!" Aang said, "Please don't let my nightmare before Christmas come true!"

Iroh snorted. "What? That was punny! Get it? Funny...punny?"

Rose ignored him. "Please! It'll only take a few minutes, and it will totally be worth it!"

**a/n: Like I said, my apologizes for my lateness, and extra apologizes for anyone who might have been offended by the "instant karma bigot" thing (Whitest Kids U Know). The period thing also goes to WKUK.**

**Thank you so much for sticking with me, and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!**

**PS: Aang Ain't White!!**


	26. Mai the Emo Kid

**Mai the Emo Kid**

"Enter!" A deep, commanding voice...erm, _commanded_.

Jet shrugged, and walked in.

"Not you!" The Voice shouted, rising a few octaves in pitch.

Jet swore, and grumpily stalked away.

"A-hem." The Voice cleared his...her..._its_ throat. "Enter!" It commanded again.

Mai looked up.

"_Enter!_"

Mai stared blankly at the door.

"I said enter!" A decidedly female voice shouted.

Mai blinked, stood, and slowly walked into the therapy room.

The back of a tall black chair faced her from behind a wooden desk. A black rimmed, slightly nerdy looking woman with a clipboard stood beside the desk. The chair ominously turned around.

"Hello." A creepy looking man addressed her, steepling his fingers with an intense look. "I am Dr. Al K. Holic, and this is my assistant, Ms. Liz B. Anne."

Ms. Liz briefly looked up from her clipboard, then quickly looked back and began scribbling fiercely.

Mai continued to stare wordlessly.

"Well, sit down." He said, impatiently.

Mai did so, still not speaking.

"You are going to take a simple Rorschach Test. I'm going to hold up inkblots, and you're going to tell me what you see." Dr. Holic said, holding up the first blot. "What do you see?"

"Charcoal." Mai droned.

Dr. Holic frowned, and held up a second one.

"Midnight."

The third.

"Onyx."

Fourth.

"Twilight."

And fifth.

"Dusk."

"Doctor! Doctor, I think..." Ms. Liz said, staring at Mai. "I think she's naming the different _shades_ of the black ink"

Dr. Holic frowned. "Oh my. This could be bad..."

Ms. Liz furiously scribbled on her clipboard, then whispered, "Dr. Holic, you that this could mean she has...you know."

"Oh yes. She could indeed." Dr. Holic agreed, looking Mai over critically.

"Have what?" Mai asked, vaguely curious.

"Tell me...have you ever had the sudden urge to write depressing poetry?" Dr. Holic asked.

"I have a diary for it." Mai answered.

"Oooo." Ms. Liz looked at Mai sadly before scribbling some more.

"Has your voice always been so monotonous, or is it a recent development?" Dr. Holic asked, leaning forward slightly.

"It's my natural voice." Mai said, sighing and flicking her head to the side.

Ms. Liz gasped, and pointed. "Did you see? Did you see that?! She did..._the hair flick_!"

"Yes...this is definitely bad..." Dr. Holic mused.

"What?" Mai asked, her voice only changing in tone slightly. "My hair was getting in the way of my eyeliner."

"Oh dear. A very serious case in deed. Yes, 'raccoon eyes' is a very common symptom." Dr. Holic said, pointing to her heavily lined eyes.

Mai scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Hm...eye rolling. Another common symptom. Note the black coloring of her make-up." Dr. Holic told Ms. Liz, nodding in Mai's direction.

Mai glared at them.

"Yes, well. The final test...have you ever tried to commit suicide? This is a very crucial sign, so please answer honestly." Dr. Holic said, with an air of life-or-death finality.

Mai gulped. "Um...well, there was this one time..."

"Yes?"

"I tried to OD on pills..." Mai admitted.

"Oh dear. Oh my. Oh my dear." Ms. Liz gasped.

"What did you take?" Dr. Holic inquired.

"...vitamins."

Dr. Holic and Ms. Liz stared at her.

Mai nervously explained, finally showing _some_ emotion. "You know, those little Flintstone vitamins? Well, I didn't see the label, and accidentally gulped ten of those instead..."

"...you tried to OD on Flintstone vitamins."

"Um, yes?"

Dr. Holic sighed exasperatedly, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "She has it alright. In fact, this could be the worst case I've seen so far."

"Oh, most definitely." Ms. Liz agreed, nodding furiously.

"Have what? What do I have?!" Mai demanded.

"Emo-itis."

"..." Mai just stared at them.

"..." They stared back.

"..._I _could have told you _that_!" Mai finally said. "In fact, any idiot could have told you that! I told my last therapist that!"

Dr. Holic ignored her completely. "Yes, I know...I'm brilliant. Please, try to contain your awe."

"Oh, you're amazing, doctor!" Ms. Liz agreed.

Mai stared at them, a vein bulging slightly. Finally, she got up, and stormed out the door.

"Ms. Liz, charge her to her account." Dr. Holic ordered.

"Of course, doctor."

"I think I'll celebrate with some...ahhhh...'medicine water.'" Dr. Holic said, taking out a bottle of scotch.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-; _Meanwhile..._-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-;

"So, what's the verdict?" Ty Lee asked, smiling creepily.

Mai's angry vein bulged. "They told me I had emo-itis, then charged me Uncle's weight in gold."

Uncle grinned good naturedly.

Ty Lee frowned. "Didn't we already know that?"

"Yes. Yes we did." Mai said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a poetry diary to write in."

**Mai's Poetry Diary**

Dear Diary:

My life...

My life is dark...

Darker than dark...

Like, midnight dark, but with a touch of charcoal. That dark.

Here in the darkness of my life...

(The midnight/charcoal darkness)

I cannot see...

(Of course, that _could_ be the bangs)

I cry alone...

Alone in the dark...

(My light bulb went out, and if I'm gonna change it, I'll need 1,000 more emo kids to write about how the shattered pieces reflect our _broken lives_!)

Still crying...

The dark...

Is comforting...

It wraps around me...

Tighter and tighter...

(Tighter than my skinny jeans)

I'm staring at the ceiling...

Numbly staring...

Blankly staring...

The ceiling is black too...

(It used to be red, but my new emo boyfriend, Dexter, jumped on my bed while listening to screamo, and his black hair dye rubbed off on the ceiling)

Oh...

The horror...

I listen to the music washing over me...

(Love me to Death by Sobbing Kittens)

Crying again...

Farewell cruel world!

-several inkblots and a small puke stain-

Stupid gummy vitamins! I'm allergic!!

(I really have to start reading the label on these things)

**a/n: Lawlz. Okay, I'm trying really hard to get back into the writing habit, so this is the first of my pre-written chapters. I still have two more already written, just to help give me a head start, and I want to know...do you want me to update every Friday, or every other Friday?**

**If it was just once a week, I'm afraid I might fall behind again, especially since right now is Finals/EOI time at school. But I also want you to stay happy, and update as soon as possible. So review, and tell me your opinion/yell at me for not updating. (I understand, and I really do deserve it...) **

**PS: I apologize if anyone who is seriously emo took this offensively. This was for humor only.**

**WARNING: DO _NOT_ ATTEMPT TO OD AT HOME!! **(Even on vitamins!)


	27. Jet Gets Raped!

Jet Gets Raped!

Ms. Liz B. Anne stuck her head out of the door, looked back and forth, and stuck a "Kissing Booth" sign on the door.

She went back inside, and waited...

_Five Seconds Later..._

"Hello? Is this the kissing booth?" Jet asked, walking through the door.

Ms. Liz was standing behind the door, and now she shut it with an ominous click.

Jet whipped around. "Wait...who are you? What happened to Ms. Galore?"

Ms. Liz smiled creepily. "She had to...go away for a while."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight." Jet said, slowly backing away. He hit the couch, and fell back.

Dr. Al K. Holic spun around in his evil mastermind chair, grinning just as creepily as Ms. Liz. "Good evening."

Jet scooted farther back on the couch. "Who ARE you people?!"

"We are your new therapists." Dr. Holic said, still smiling.

Jet frowned. "Didn't we already go through this?"

"Yes, but apparently you all are so screwed up, you're getting two sessions, possibly more." Ms. Liz said, sniffing slightly.

Jet smirked. "I'll screw you up, baby."

Ms. Liz gagged slightly before scribbling on her ever-present clipboard.

"Yes, well." Dr. Holic began. "I'm going to show you a series of images, and you're going to tell me what you see."

Jet shrugged. "Sure, okay."

"Now it says here that you already took this test in your first session, so this should show us how much you've improved."

Dr. Holic held up the first slide.

"Boobies."

Dr. Holic frowned and held up the second slide.

"Boobies."

He held up the third.

"Boobies."

Fourth.

"Boobies."

And fifth.

"Boobies."

"How can you possibly see 'boobies'?!" Dr. Holic demanded. "It's a picture of a black _square_! A perfect square!"

Jet looked at the doctor with wide eyes. "I see boobies. They're _everywhere_!"

Ms. Liz clucked softly and wrote some more.

Jet looked at Ms. Liz, smirked and mouthed 'OH YEAH!'

Ms. Liz took a step back, and pressed the clipboard to her chest.

Dr. Holic snapped his fingers. "Look over here please. Now, I'm going to ask you some questions...Do you use hair gel?"

Jet ran his fingers through his hair, and gave an Abercrombie pose. "Yeah."

"Have you ever spray tanned before?"

"Of course. Gotta look my best for the ladies." He nodded towards Ms. Liz.

"Do you admire your reflection on a regular basis?"

Jet looked up from admiring himself in the mirror across the room. "What?"

Dr. Holic sighed. "I'll write that down as a 'yes'."

"Have you ever pushed, punched, shoved, wedgied, etc. someone with a higher intellectual understanding than your own?" Dr. Holic asked.

Jet blinked. "Uh..."

Dr. Holic sighed again, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "A nerd."

Jet grinned. "Oh! Yeah, I usually just go with swirlies though."

"Do you consider most three-syllable words taboo?"

"What?" Jet asked, looking confused.

Both Dr. Holic and Ms. Liz blinked. "Oh dear, it's worse than I thought." Dr. Holic whispered.

"Do you tend to wear brands like Aeropostal, American Eagle, and/or Abercrombie and Fitch?"

"Of course. Like I said, I have to look good for the _ladies_."

"You do know that Abercrombie and Fitch are _two separate _stores right?"

"No way! Wow, that's deep." Jet said, completely serious.

"Oh this is bad, this is very bad." Ms. Liz said.

Dr. Holic nodded. "Quite possibly the worst case I've seen yet."

Jet was too busy using his pocket comb to perfect his hair to care.

"Jet." Dr. Holic announced. "I have reviewed your test and Q/A, and my verdict is...you are no longer crazy."

Jet grinned. "Sweet."

"You're just a dick."

_Meanwhile..._

Back in the waiting room, Katara looked up as Jet stormed out the door.

"So what did they say?" She asked.

"They told me I was a dick!" Jet shouted.

Katara snorted. "Well I could have told you that."

Jet looked at her and grinned. He opened his mouth, "Yeah, well baby—"

"Don't make me freeze you to the wall." Katara threatened.

"Kinky." Jet said, still grinning.

Katara frowned, then brightened. With a wave of her hand, and a little water bending, Jet's eyes widened.

"Mmmm. Mmfph. MMFPH!"

Zuko walked up, and noticed Jet tugging at his jaw. "What's his problem?"

"I froze the spit in his mouth. Not really all that hard when he drools over anything in a skirt." Katara said.

Zuko looked at Jet and laughed. "Dude, you just got pwned by a _girl!_"

Katara's eyes narrowed.

_Five Seconds Later..._

"Mmmm. Mmfph. MMFPH!"

"Mmmm. Mmfph. MMFPH!"

Katara merely kept walking, ignoring the two boys behind her trying desperately to unfreeze their jaws.

"Sexist pigs."

**a/n: Okay, well I wrote another chapter. I actually tried to write about Aang first, but I had a HUGE case of writers block, so I went through and listed all of the remaining characters, and thought of funny situations for them to get into.**

**And SOOO...here's your end of chapter, sorry I never update, short story.**

"_I froze the spit in his mouth. Not really all that hard when he drools over anything in a skirt." Katara said._

Little did Katara know as she said that, Haru was listening from around the corner. He had been stalking Jet for days, and now he had come up with the _perfect_ plan!

_Meanwhile..._

Jet was still trying to unfreeze his mouth. He had tried everything! Blow driers, saunas, kicking Zuko, _everything_!

Of course, after about five minutes of acting stupid, Zuko had finally remembered he was a fire bender, and unfroze himself, but did he unfreeze Jet? NOOOOOO!

And the worst part was, he hadn't been able to hit on anyone _all day_! No cheesy one liners, come ons, or crude jokes! NONE!

Jet grumpily stalked back to his room, and stopped short.

There, lying on his bed, was Haru...in a _dress._ Yes, mustache, unshaved legs, drag make-up and all, lay Haru.

Jet started to back away, but the metal door knob pushed the door shut, and as the last crack of light disappeared, he saw a _very_ amused Toph wave good bye. The knob locked itself with an eerie snap.

"Hello..._Jet._" Haru whispered.

Jet turned, and clawed at the door.

Haru frowned, "Now, now there's no need for that." He grinned. "You naughty, naughty boy."

Jet's eyes grew wide, and he threw himself at the door with renewed effort.

Haru got up, and slowly walked towards Jet, his man hips swaying. "Come here, _big boy_."

Haru spun Jet around, and ran his finger along Jet's jaw. Jet gulped, and back up until his back hit the door. He looked frantically from side to side, but there was no escape.

Haru leaned in, lips puckered like a fish. Jet pushed himself against the door, as far back as he could go, but it was no use.

Haru's lips met Jet's, and the heat of the kiss melted the ice around Jet's lips.

"RAPE!! RAPE!!! **RAAAAAA--"**

Jet was cut off by Haru, who leaped on top of him, lips ablaze.

_Back at the waiting room..._

Toph heard Jet's scream and chuckled. She had set up a video camera hidden in the room and already had several bets from Ebay.

"Did you hear something?" Sokka asked.

"No. Now how do you throw the boomerang again?" Toph asked, snuggling back into Sokka's arms.

Jet wasn't being annoying, she was making a ton of money, and Sokka was hugging her-er, teaching her how to "throw a boomerang." (Who cares if she's blind, and can't see the boomerang?)

Life was good.

**a/n: Okay, so this is my second pre-written chappie! Yay for me! So yeah, um...please review even though I'm sure you're still pissed at me...um...**

**Oh yeah! Do you want me to update every Friday or every other Friday? For now, I'll just be every Friday, but I'll talk about it some more in the next chappie! :)**


	28. Haru and Jet: Couples Therapy

**a/n: Oh, crap! I know it's not Friday, but I have been SOOO busy!! I'm trying to get my summer schedule together between working at a spa, working at The Wild Frontier (Computer Arts Summer Camp go to its website at . biz), volunteering at the local library, drivers ed, going to Denver, UGH!! So I hope it's not TOO late, and thank you so much for sticking with me!! :)**

**Haru and Jet:**

**Couple's Therapy**

Haru stared at the wall. He didn't blink, eyes wide open, staring at the wall. He'd been like that for the past few hours. Of course, the wall _was_ covered with television screens. Television screens that were cyber-stalking Jet.

He'd managed to hack into the security cameras in the building, including those in the holding facilities, or dorm rooms.

And yes, that included the bathrooms, which he was currently watching. Jet was humming softly, scrubbing himself, as the steam swirled around him.

"I kissed a girl, and I liked iiiiiit!" Jet sang, completely off key.

Haru stared, eyes wide open. He hadn't blinked for half an hour now.

Jet rubbed the soap over his chest, still singing and humming. Suddenly, the soap slipped out of his hands, slid along the floor, up the other end of the tub, and back behind him.

Jet turned around, and oh so slowly started to bend over...

**WHIRRRRRUHHMMM**

All the lights went off, including the TV screens, as the power shut off.

"Azula!" Zuko shouted.

"What?! I'm _trying_ sleep!" Azula shouted back.

"What's going on? What's wrong?!" Toph demanded.

"Turn the power back on, I'm trying to watch America's Next Top Model!" Zuko shouted.

"Make me!" Azula screamed.

"Oh, that's it! That was the last straw, Azula!" Zuko yelled.

"Do something!"

"Oh, I'll do something, alright!"

"Bring it!"

"You won't hit her!" Toph shouted. "You won't hit her!"

Haru's eye twitched. He was watching his Fairy Princess, and _they ruined it_!

"SILENCE!! ALL YOU SHUT UP!!" Haru shouted. "Azula, turn the power back on, or I will never be your torture bunny ever again!"

Azula paled at the thought of losing her best bunny, and she quickly amped up the electricity again.

Haru turned back to the TV screens. _Jet was gone!_

Haru quickly scanned the rest of them, trying to find his Fairy Princess. But Jet was nowhere to be found!

Suddenly, a fishnet-covered leg in stiletto heels wrapped around Haru's door frame. Haru whipped around, and stared. He'd know that leg anywhere!

"Pr-Princess?" Haru asked.

The leg simply disappeared. Haru dashed towards the door only to see said leg—and dear **gods**! was that a miniskirt?!—disappear around the corner. Haru ran around the corner, and saw a door cracked open, and swinging slightly. He burst through the door.

_Jet!_ Haru's heart sang. _...and Ms. Liz B. Anne?! Dr. Al K. Holic...**oh gods!!**_

Jet was sitting in a chair next to the therapy couch, in normal, non-drag clothing.

Ms. Liz was standing in her usual attire, a white blouse, with ruffles across the chest, and a black pencil skirt that came up to just above her breasts. It would have looked sexy on anyone else, but her snooty scowl ruined the effect.

_So whose leg...?_

Dr. Al K. Holic was in his evil-genius chair, and swiveled around.

Haru gagged. He thought he just might throw up! Dr. Al was dressed completely in drag including a tube top, miniskirt, and silver stilettos.

"Hello Haru. I thought my current outfit might help us understand each other better." Dr. Al said in his monotonous drone.

"Uh, no. And that tube top is _so_ last season!" Haru said, making a grimace of disgust. He turned to Ms. Liz. "And honey, you cannot pull that off!"

Haru snapped, did the head bobble thing, and turned to walk out.

"Haru!" Jet called.

Haru immediately stopped. "Yes, Princess?"

Jet blushed slightly at the nickname. "I think we should do this. I mean, we really need to talk about...you, and uh...me."

Haru grinned. "So you admit there's an 'us'."

"I never said that!" Jet argued. "I just think we need to talk."

"As you wish, Princess." Haru said, and sat down on the couch, lounging sexily.

"Well, Jet. Perhaps you should start it off." Dr. Al droned.

"I just feel like we went too fast you know? I mean, you never took me out to dinner, or bought me pretty things, or held my hand or anything!" Jet said, pouting cutely.

"Aw, Princess! I'm sorry, you're just so beautiful I just couldn't help myself!" Haru purred.

"Really?" Jet asked hopefully.

"Of course. You're my Princess, remember?" Haru asked, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Oh Haru!" Jet cried, glomping Haru on the couch. Jet buried his face into Haru's chest, hugging him.

Haru pulled Jet closer, and ran his fingers through his hair. "Shh. Shh." Haru crooned, comforting his Princess.

A sobbing sound came from the door. "It's just-sniff-so beautiful!" Sokka cried.

"They're so sweet!" Aang bawled. "So touching!"

Zuko ran up to Aang. "Hey, the bitchy one got kicked off—what's with you two?"

"It's so romantic!" Aang and Sokka both cried.

Zuko looked into the therapy room to see Ms. Liz looking at Jet and Haru in mild disgust, Jet crying on Haru, Haru coping a feel on Jet's ass, and _**dear Agni!**_ Dr. Al in dressed in drag.

"What the hell?!" Zuko demanded.

"Don't judge me." Dr. Al said, crossing his legs.

A gagging sound came from his left, and Zuko looked over to see Mai choking. "Too...much...fluff! Need...**angst**!!"

"Rose!" Zuko shouted.

A mini mushroom cloud appeared, and Rose0404 stepped out of it. "Yes, Zuzu?"

"I told you not to call me that!" He muttered.

"Sorry, Zuzu."

Zuko scowled at her, and then pointed accusingly to Jet and Haru. "Just what is _**that**_?!" He demanded.

"Well...that is me making up to the readers for my horrible writer's block/laziness. Besides, everyone loves hot gay sex!" She chirped.

"You do realize this is based off of a _children's show_, right?!" Zuko demanded.

"Tell that to the Zutarians." Rose retorted, before eyeing Zuko. "Yum."

Zuko quickly stepped back a pace. "Why are you looking at me like that?!"

Rose looked at Zuko, then at Aang, then back at Zuko again. "Sorry, gotta go! I just got the inspiration for our next chappie! Tootles!" She called, before disappearing into another mini mushroom cloud.

"Wait! What's that supposed to mean?! ROSE!!" Zuko shouted.

**To Be Continued...**

**(tbc)**

**A/N: So, if I haven't forgotten to update yet, this should be the third one of my pre-written chapters. YAY! I already have an idea for the next chapter, as well as a common theme for the next few chappies! COUPLE THERAPY.**

**Now, I know I've already done it between Sokka, Yue, Ty Lee, and Suki, but I really like the idea!**

**So, in honor of the voting tradition (which no one seems to do anymore!) just vote to tell me who you want to be theraperized next! Aang and Katara? Sokka and Toph? Azula and Mai/Ty Lee? Zuko and Mai/Katara? Appa and Momo?**

**Anyway, I know this chappie is short, but I do have a story for you, so never fear!**

**The Honeymoon**

"Oh Haru! This is going to be the best date ever!" Jet cried, gazing in awe at the white horse prancing on the beach.

"Anything for my Princess." Haru said, smiling.

He lifted Jet up onto the stallion, and climbed up himself.

They rode down the beach, laughing and carefree.

Jet clung to Haru, burying his face in Haru's back, inhaling his scent. "You smell amazing!" He whispered into the other man's ear.

Haru smirked. "You want to stop for our picnic Princess?"

"Mmhm." Jet nodded, still sniffing Haru.

Haru pulled on the reins to try to get the stallion to turn around. But the horse just rearing instead, throwing Jet onto the ground.

Haru leaped off the horse. "Jet! Jet! Are you alright, Princess?"

"Oww..." Jet moaned. "I think I sprained my uh...my ass."

Haru grinned somewhat evilly. "Well, maybe a massage will help..."

"Oi!" Toph called. "This is a public beach, _with children!_"

Jet and Haru turned around to see Zuko and Mai gagging—overcome by the fluff, Toph giving her creepy blind glare, Aang and Sokka smiling and sniffling slightly, and Katara screaming something about hot guys always being gay.

Undeterred, Haru asked, "So does that mean we can't borrow someone's sunscreen?"

"YES!"


	29. Sokka vs Zuko

Sokka vs. Zuko

It was a dark and stormy night...(actually it was bright and sunny with happy butterflies flitting around, but it was certainly dark in Zuko's room, and he _did_ have his pet raincloud in there with him SO...)

It was a dark and stormy night...lightning flashed, briefly illuminating the room. Zuko lay on his bed, ankles crossed, brooding as per usual.

_Daddy never loved me...Why didn't Daddy love me?! I'm just as good as Azula!! ...maybe...ish...Why? Who did I tick off in another life to deserve **this**? Did I eat a baby or something?! Did I punch a nun?! Did I listen to...oh spirits!...**Miley Cyrus**?!_

He shuddered briefly at the terrifying thought before returning to his brooding thoughts.

Suddenly, the door flew open, having been kicked down. Zuko screamed, throwing an arm in front of his eyes.

"The light!" He shouted. "It _burrrrrrns_!"

"Prepare to die!" Sokka shouted, charging at Zuko.

"What? Why are you—"

Zuko was abruptly cut off as Sokka attempted to behead him. Zuko ducked, and backed toward the window.

"Sokka, just calm—"

"EEEEEE-IIIIIII-EEEEEE-IIIIIII-OOOOOO!" Sokka screamed, shouting the ancient war cry of the Water Tribe.

Zuko stopped. "What was _that_?!" He demanded.

Sokka stopped too. "Well, uh...that was my tribe's you know, war cry."

"_That's_ your war cry?!"

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Prepare to die!" Sokka shouted again.

"What are you even talking about—"

Zuko spun away from Sokka's attack, turning around, and grabbing Sokka's wrist. There was a pause, and then Zuko's topknot fell to the ground, sliced off by Sokka's sword.

They both turned to stare at the chunk of Zuko's hair, and Zuko slowly, murderously, turned back to face Sokka.

"You. Will. Pay." He snarled.

Sokka's eyes widened, and Zuko twisted Sokka's arm around behind his back. Sokka backed up, slamming Zuko into the wall, making him release his grip.

Sokka spun around, facing Zuko, and Zuko stood up, hands smoking. They both glared at each other, their eyes narrowed.

**WOOOWOOOWOOO WOOOW WOOOW WOOOW WOOOWOOOWOOO WOOW WOOW WOOOOOOW**

Ty Lee sang, imitating an old Western movie. Sokka and Zuko both turned to stare at her.

Ty Lee smiled happily/crazily. "Nice raincloud!" She said, pointing to Zuko's pet rain cloud sulking in the corner. It thundered (happily?) at the attention.

"What do you want, Ty Lee?!" Zuko demanded.

"Oh, I want a tail. And a pony. And a demon kitty. And a stick. And OH! I wanna walk through walls!" She shouted excitedly. "I can almost do it too!"

Ty Lee backed up, and then ran into the wall, face first. "Oh..." She said, smiling dizzily. "THERE'S my pony." She collapsed on the floor, and didn't move.

Sokka and Zuko stared at her limp body for a few seconds, then completely ignored her and went back to their fight.

"You stole my cuddle-poo!" Sokka accused.

"Your _what_?!" Zuko demanded.

"My honey-bear!"

"WHAT?!"

"Snuggle-puss!"

"Huh?"

"Sugar-buns!"

"Will you just shut up, and tell me what you're talking about?!" Zuko shouted.

"I'm talking about the _love of my life_!!" Sokka shouted, nearly in tears now.

"Oh..." Zuko muttered. He blushed, and scratched the back of his head. "I'm really sorry about that man. We tried to stay away, but the couple name is the cutest thing since Brangelina."

"You stole my boyfriend for a couple name?!" Sokka demanded.

"Well, if you put Toph and Zuko together, you get Toko. Get it? _TACO_?! Hehehehe—Wait what?! BOYFRIEND?!!" Zuko shouted.

"Yeah, my Aangy-Waangy." Sokka said, shrugging slightly.

"You think...I like...AANG." Zuko growled, glaring at Sokka. "You think I'm GAY?!!"

"Well, yeah." Sokka shrugged. "You watch America's Next Top Model and you know what Brangelina is."

"So! That doesn't make me gay!" Zuko shouted.

"_Well_, you did stalk him across the world, obsess over him constantly, and kidnap him multiple times...remember that time in the North Pole? You two spent the night in a cave...in the middle of nowhere...in an ice storm that you might not survive..." Sokka pointed out.

"So...I-I didn't...We never...Nothing..." Zuko stammered, blushing.

"Sokka!" Aang called, wandering past Zuko's room.

"Aang!" Sokka shouted.

Aang ran back, skidding to a stop at the doorway. "Sokka!"

"Aang!"

"Sokka!"

"Aang!"

"Manfred!" Ty Lee suddenly shouted, sitting up, then falling over dizzily. "Why are you purple Mr. Squirrel?" She murmured, before passing out again.

"Zuko?" Mr. Holic asked, appearing at the doorway next to Aang.

Zuko turned to look, then let out a high pitched shriek. "AIEEEEE!"

Mr. Holic frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Oh gods, my eyes! I can never have sex again!" Zuko moaned, curling up on the floor in the fetal position, and clawing at his eyes.

Aang turned to Mr. Holic. "Nice shoes. They really compliment your tube top."

"Yeah, where'd you get that?" Sokka asked, walking out the door, and wrapping his arm around Aang's waist.

"Well, I was in Limited Too and..." Mr. Holic's voice trailed off as they rounded the corner, leaving Zuko still twitched spasmodically on the floor.

Toph walked in, and "looked" at Zuko writhing in pain. She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Oh man up. It's just yaoi. You wouldn't be freaking out if it was me and Katara doing Yuri."

Zuko's head snapped up. "Really?" He asked hopefully, drooling slightly at the thought.

Toph rolled her eyes again. "Shut up, and get on the bed."

"Can I be on top this time?"

"No. And no talking or eye contact either."

"Yes ma'am."

**a/n:** **Okay, I know I waited three weeks instead of two, but I just got a new job and started driver's ed classes, so I was busy doing that instead. SOOO I decided to skip one week, then reward you with a new update this week and another one the next week. After that, I'll start updating every other Friday again.**

**I also realize that this chapter didn't have any therapy, but it also helps pave the way for more couples therapy. And, as I've already demonstrated, it doesn't necessarily have to be plausible, possible, canon, or hetero (straight). So, just review (PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE) and tell me _all about_ your crazy crack pairings! I'll do four couples therapy sessions, then back to normal sessions.**

**I need:**

**ONE HETERO PAIRING: Man and woman, aka Zutara or Kataang. Please tell me why (insert pairing here) would make a _funny_ couple.**

**ONE YAOI PAIRING: Man and man, aka JetxZuko or JetxHaru. Please suggest who would be the Seme ("man") and who would be the Yuke ("woman").**

**ONE YURI PAIRING: Woman and woman, aka AzulaxMai or AzulaxTy Lee. Possibly all three if everyone votes for that...;D**

**ONE CRACK PAIRING: Threesomes, incest, yaoi, yuri, hetero, appa or momo (for humor ONLY no actual bestiality—I'm accepting, but not quite THAT accepting) aka AzulaxAang OzaixAang ZukoxAzula AppaxMomo, etc.**

**You don't necessarily have to use the couples provided, they are only examples. Also, I know I've kinda been switching back and forth with Zuko being Seme/Yuke (On top/on bottom) but sometimes it's funny for him to manly and HAWT and sometimes it's funny for him to be meek and girly. And if any of my spelling is off, please, PLEASE let me know! Okay, page long author's note is over now! XD**

"Hey Aang, guess what?" Sokka shouted excitedly.

"What?" Aang asked, looking up from his issue of Vogue.

"Jet and Haru want to double date. Movie at the mall sound good?" Sokka grinned, already pulling Aang toward the door.

"Um, okay..."

_One Hour Later..._

"Let's go to Suncoast!" Jet said, already drooling over the thought of all the play boy/play girl/anything that moves, and a few things don't videos.

"No, Abercrombie!" Aang shouted, grinning widely.

Jet started to argue, then remembered all the gay employees, shirtless male model pictures, and snobbishness that is Abercrombie. "Okay, sure!"

"Sounds good to me!" Sokka said.

They turned into the store, laughing, Sokka swinging his handbag that matched his belt perfectly.

Suddenly, Jet stopped, gasping loudly. "Look!" He shouted, pointing at all the collapsed and passed out people on the floor, surrounding the nude male model picture.

There was a notice strategically placed over the picture of the nude male model. Haru leaned forward, pretending to read the notice.

Aang rolled his eyes, pulled Haru back, and read the notice out loud.

_This is a notice to all the truly COOL people: It is now considered uncool to breathe! So Abercrombie says, so it shall be!!_

Aang, Sokka, Jet, and Haru all stared at the notice for a few seconds before they started to hold their breathe. Two and a half minutes later they were all passed out on the floor, next to all the "COOL" people.

Toph, Mai, and Zuko stepped out from behind the pillar, and grinned evilly. "That's what you get, you preppy idiots!" Toph shouted, grinning triumphantly.

"Shall we?" Zuko asked, grinning as well, linking arms with the two girls.

"To Hot Topic?" Mai asked.

"To Hot Topic!" Toph shouted, they all cheered, (well, Zuko and Toph cheered, but Mai may or may not have smiled slightly—it was gone too quick to tell) and they walked off into the gloomy darkness, screamo music, and rabid Twilight fans that is Hot Topic.


	30. Zutara: The Epic Journey

**Zutara:**

**The Epic Journey of Fire, Ice, and Evil Ninja Plot Bunnies**

_Once upon a time...there lived a Prince of Emo Darkness, and a beautiful maiden. That beautiful maiden was cursed by her Fairy Goth Mother and turned into an evil nagging dragon every night. _

_So, the prissy white knight and his court jester went on a quest upon their trusty white bison to rescue her. _

_But alas! The Emo Prince had got there first and ahem..."slain" the dragon with his er, noble staff of fiery passion, and the dragon turned into a beautiful maiden again._

_Consumed by jealousy, Sir Kull sent his jester Sir Casm to spy on the Prince and his maiden._

_Sir Casm returned, saying it was worse than they had thought! There was so much mindless smut, pointless fluff, and ridiculous clichés it looked like a bad romance novel had thrown up on Prince Emo and his Lady Knag A. Lot!_

_So, Sir Kull went into a hell—a tavern full of the worst of the worst. There, he met and hired a ninja named IcyMysticWarrior that had been turned into an evilly convenient ninja plot bunny by a crazy witch and her crack addicted apprentice. Paid to tear the sickeningly happy couple apart, IcyMysticWarrior the evil ninja plot bunny set out to complete his mission...._

**llamallamallamallamasheepllamallamallamallamasheepllamallamallamallamasheepllamallamallamallama**

Mr. Holic sat behind his desk, and stared at the four teenagers in front of him. "Would anyone like to explain what happened?"

"_SHE _was the one with the kinky dragon costume—"

"I can't believe you didn't even trust me—"

"I'm her brother, it's my _DUTY_ to spy on her—"

"So I hired a ninja to kill Zuko, he did the same to me—"

"SILENCE!" Mr. Holic roared. "Now let me get this straight...there was a costume party at Prince Zuko's palace..."

**chickenchickenchickenchickeneggchickenchickenchickenchickeneggchickenchickenchickenchicken**

_But before the once upon a time, there was a kingdom far, far away...and in that kingdom lived the Prince of Emo Darkness, or Prince Emo for short. Lonely and sad, he decided to through a costume party to find a maiden worthy of his emo love._

_And on the **other** side of the kingdom lived a maiden. She slaved away all day long at an insurance company ruled by the most evil man on earth—Jed I. Night. The poor young lady was constantly abused by her two coworkers, a crazy lady who had a part time job as a witch, and her apprentice who used magic potions for ahhh..."recreational" purposes._

_But one day, a messenger toad arrived with invitations to the royal costume party. The toad promised to give one of the invites to the lovely young maiden for a kiss. But the apprentice who had been listening at the door snatched up the toad, and gave it an extremely wet kiss—with tongue! In fact, it almost looked like she was just plain licking the toad..._

_The invitations fell to the ground, and the young maiden snatched one up before her crazy coworker could see._

_Lying on her bed, late that night, she sighed. She might have the invitations, but she had nothing to wear!_

_She stared out the window at the full moon, wishing someone would come to her rescue...and lo and behold! Her Fairy Goth Mother appeared! In the blink of a heavily lined and mascara-ed eye, the Fairy Goth Mother whisked her to Hot Topic, where she was changed into a terribly realistic dragon costume!_

_The maiden cried, thinking she looked terrible, and tore at her outfit, trying desperately to get the costume off! But alas, it was stuck on there until midnight, when the full moon shone the brightest..._

**tomatotomatotomatotomatopotatotomatotomatotomatotomatopotatotomatotomatotomatotomato**

"And at that costume party," Mr. Holic continued, "Sokka caught Zuko and Katara in the bedroom—"

"Only because he was _spying_ on us!" Katara shouted.

"And thank La I did spy on you! That sicko had you _chained to the bed_!" Sokka shouted back.

Katara blushed, and Zuko snickered.

"You're hardly one to judge about sexual preferences." Katara sniffed.

"_Sexual preferences_?! That was rape!" Sokka yelled.

"It's not rape if she's !" Zuko yelled back.

Everyone turned to stare at him. Katara blushed even more, and slapped her forehead.

"SO!" Mr. Holic yelled loudly, "So Sokka catches Katara and Zuko together, and tells Aang..."

**futsfutsfutsfutsfutsnuckingfutsfutsfutsfutsfutsnuckingfutsfutsfutsfutsfutsnuckingfutsfutsfutsfutsfuts**

_The court jester, afraid for his maidenly sister's virginity, sent a messenger to the witch. Angry that the messenger dared to interrupt her Yuri movie, the witch turned him into an evil ninja plot bunny._

_So, the jester went to the apprentice instead. In exchange for all the frozen messenger toads she could lick, the apprentice gave the jester a magical invisibility cloak._

_The jester donned the cloak and sneaked into the costume party..._

_Meanwhile the maiden was hiding in the shadows, afraid to let anyone see her. The Prince of Emo Darkness however, spotted her in all her dark, emo glory._

_Silently, he approached her from behind, before spinning her around. She started to scream, but he silenced her with a kiss blessed by the bishonen emo gods._

_He pulled away, and his glowing golden eyes pierced through to her very soul, melting the ice around her heart...She swooned into his arms, and he carried his kinky dragon princess up to his room..._

_After sneaking his way past the guards, the jester climbed all 26,278 steps up to the Prince's room. And then promptly tripped and fell back down all 26,278 steps. By the time he got back up, he was already too late!_

_Consumed with rage, the jester ran towards Prince Emo, who was staring moodily out the window. Unfortunately for the jester, he tripped over his pointy bell shoes just as Prince Emo turned to look at his newly transformed princess._

_The jester fell out the window, invisible and unnoticed. Slowly, he picked himself back up, and hurried back to report to Sir Kull..._

**berryberryberryberrycherryberryberryberryberrycherryberryberryberryberrycherryberryberryberryberry**

"And after Sokka spies on you, he then tells Aang about it who..._hires a ninja_?!" Mr. Holic demanded.

"Zuko doesn't deserve a girl like Katara! She's amazing, special, and the most beautiful woman in the world!" Aang ranted.

"Aww, Aang." Katara crooned.

"Why don't you just be a man and fight me now!" Zuko yelled.

"I thought you said _I_ was beautiful!" Sokka wailed.

"Yeah, but Katara..." Aang trailed off, giving Katara puppy eyes.

"You need to pick a team, Aang!" Sokka yelled, storming out.

"Sokka, wait!" Aang cried, running after him.

"Oh you're not going anywhere!" Zuko shouted, chasing after Aang.

"Zuko, don't hurt him!" Katara called, running out as well.

Ms. Liz blinked. "So what ever happened to the ninja?"

An ear-piercing scream pierced their eyes. Piercingly.

Mr. Holic and Ms. Liz both ran out into the waiting room, expecting to see an injured or dead Zuko.

Instead Zuko stood, hands smoking slightly, shirt burned completely off, and glorious ab muscles flexing slightly. There was a slight burn mark on the floor, and the ninja was nowhere to be seen...

"Oh Zuko!" Katara gasped, overcome with desire for the sexy bad Prince.

Zuko turned to Katara. "Bedroom. Now." He growled.

She blushed, but nodded, and they both ran off...

**kisskisskisskisskisskisshugkisskisskisskiskissskisshugkisskisskisskisskisskisshugkisskisskisskisskisskiss**

_It was a dark and stormy night...IcyMysticWarrior crept closer to Prince Emo. The Prince whirled around, and threw a flash of fire at the evil ninja plot bunny. IcyMysticWarrior threw a smoke bomb on the ground, and ninja poofed away, faking its death._

_The slightly stupid Lady Knag A. Lot gasped, and swooned into the Prince's arms again, telling him he was her hero as they disappeared back into the royal bedroom..._

_Meanwhile, in a dark Gothic castle with creepy dead trees, storming rainclouds with thunder and lighting hovering over it, IcyMysticWarrior poofed into the highest room in the tallest tower._

"_Well?" A beautiful young sorceress inquired. "Did you complete your mission my evil ninja plot bunny?"_

"_Yes, I have." IcyMysticWarrior replied._

"_Gooood." Rosaline purred._

"_We have completed our tasks too." Fairy Goth Mother reported._

"_Yep!" The Apprentice happily chirped._

"_Yeah." The Crazy Witch muttered. "And I want the torture bunny you promised."_

_Rosaline waved her wand, and a muscled French man complete with mustache appeared._

"_Huh? What?" The French man stuttered._

_Crazy Witch just smiled evilly, grabbed him, and drug him down to the dungeon..._

**a/n: So, here is your chapter as promised, ON TIME! But, now I will be back to updating every other Friday. However, I still need votes on which couples you want next. Obviously the Hetero couple is taken...**

**I kinda combined the story and the therapy into one. I'm not really sure how it worked out, so PLEASE review and tell me!**

**Special thanks to:**

_**IcyMysticWarrior**_**: For being the Evil Ninja Plot Bunny, and giving me the idea for the Sokka spying, Aang hiring a ninja, Zutara thing. I hope you like the Fairy Tale element!**

**Zuko: Prince of Emo Darkness**

**Katara: Slightly Stupid Maiden/Lady Knag A. Lot**

**Aang: Sir Kull**

**Sokka: Court Jester/Sir Casm**

**Mai: Fairy Goth Mother**

**Azula: Crazy Witch**

**Ty Lee: The Apprentice**

**Ozai: Jed I. Night**

**Haru: French Man**

**Rosaline: ME!! XD**

**You: Reviewers! (HINT)**

**I also know that a lot of the story was VERY clichéd! I intended it to be as a message to please, please DO NOT make your Zutara stories, stupid, pointless, or ridiculously fluffy!**

_Meanwhile..._

Toph snorted awake to the sound of an ear piercing scream. "Waaahh...?"

She stumbled out into the waiting room. "What'd I miss?"


	31. How Nobiliy REALLY Works!

How Nobility REALLY Works!

"How _dare_ you insult the Commander of..." Zhao shouted.

Katara yawned. Aang sighed. Sokka snored lightly on the couch. Azula rolled her eyes and continued inspecting her nails. Zuko snorted.

Zhao was ranting, for what had to be the twenty-seventh time that day, about his noble status.

Toph frowned. Normally she had the patience of a rock, but this was ridiculous!

"Oh, tell it to your Uncle Daddy!" Toph snapped.

Dr. Holic and Ms. Liz looked up from their clipboards, mouths practically drooling over the thought of a patient with an "Uncle Daddy."

"Commander Zhao, please have a seat." Dr. Holic said, motioning Sokka off the couch.

"Yes," Ms. Liz said, "Do tell us about your 'Uncle Daddy'."

"I do _not_ have an Uncle Daddy!" Commander Zhao shouted.

"Actually," Toph interrupted. "You have a cleft chin."

"So, I take after my Uncle." Commander Zhao shrugged.

"Both your parents had normal chins."

Zhao crossed his arms. "Get to the point, little girl.

Toph just smirked at the insult. "It's genetically impossible for two people with smooth chins to have a child with a cleft chin, regardless of your uncle. That is, unless he's your _real_ father, but that would mean your mom's a whore so..."

Everyone turned to stare at Toph.

Toph shrugged. "What? My parents hired me a lot of tutors to keep me busy and out of sight."

"And how does knowing your mother is a whore make you feeeeeeeeel?" Dr. Holic inquired.

"What?! She is not..." Zhao ranted.

Katara ignored his rantings, and smirked. "Oh! So _that's_ how nobility works! They just inbreed." Her eyes widened in false innocence. "Is that what happened to Azula?" She stage whispered to Zuko.

Zuko just nodded wisely. "Yup."

"Wait, so if your her brother, then that would make you inbred too, idiot!" Sokka shouted, laughing.

"Would not!" Zuko shouted.

Zhao smirked. "Looks like your mom's a whore too."

Zuko snarled, and the next second Zhao hit the wall, a hole burned through his chest.

"Don't. Talk about. My. MOTHER!!" Zuko roared, arms flaming.

Everyone backed away slowly.

Rose appeared, and looked at Zhao's lifeless body. She glared at Zuko, hands on her hips. "What did I tell you about randomly killing people?!"

Zuko sighed, and mumbled. "That it was your job, and to never do it."

"That's right!" Rose snapped.

Pink sparkles appeared around Zhao, and the hole in his chest healed.

Zhao opened his eyes, and looked at himself. "Why do I have pink sparkles on me?!"

Rose shrugged. "I was bored. Now stop being stupid and ticking off my Zuzu-kins."

Azula raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Zuzu-kins?"

Rose glared at her. "Don't make me turn you into a man. Oh wait, _you already are_! Oh snap!" Rose shouted, snapping her fingers over her head, bobbling her head, and disappearing.

"Okaaaaay." Dr. Holic said. "I think everyone except Azula, Zuko, Ozai, Mai, Ty Lee, and Zhao should leave the room."

"Why do we have to stay?" Ozai whined as everyone obediently walked out.

"We would like to hear more about this 'nobility' erm...mating." Ms. Liz said.

"Mating?!" Zuko scoffed. "It's _called_ fu—d"

"This is a children's show, young man." Dr. Holic interrupted, frowning.

"We could cuss before." Azula pointed out.

"Yeah, but those chapters also sucked." Ms. Liz pointed out.

Zhao frowned. "Chapters? What are talking about?"

Ms. Liz and Dr. Holic looked at each other. "Uh...nothing. Forget I ever said anything." Ms. Liz stuttered.

The characters stared suspiciously at the therapists.

"Sooooo, inbreeding." Dr. Holic interrupted, distracting them.

"We don't inbreed." Zuko growled.

"But if we did, I'd totally be on top." Azula said, smirking.

Zuko snorted. "In your wet dreams."

"Zuko, please! I remind you, this is a _children's show_!" Dr. Holic lectured.

"No, it's _based_ off a kid's show. After all, why do you think I never got to hook up with Katara? Because it would be too smexy hawt. Duh." Zuko said, grinning at the thought.

"Hey!" Mai shouted, coming out from her emo corner of woe and misery.

Dr. Holic frowned. "Where's Ty Lee?"

"Under your desk." Mai promptly answered.

Dr. Holic looked under his desk. "Why are you under my desk?"

"The _aliens_!" Ty Lee whispered.

Ms. Liz rolled her eyes. "There are no aliens Ty Lee."

"That's because you're one of _them_!" Ty Lee shrieked.

Azula glared at Ty Lee. "Ty Lee!" She shouted. "Come."

Ty Lee reluctantly crawled out from underneath the desk.

"Sit." Azula demanded, pointing at the couch.

Ty Lee meekly sat.

"Stay." Azula commanded, pushing her hand at Ty Lee. "Stay. Staaaaaaaay."

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Good bi—er, doggie."

"You're just jealous because I have more 'doggies' than you." Azula sniffed.

Zuko scoffed. "Yeah right. I have Katara, Mai, Song, Jin, and a crap load of fangirls. Everyone hates you."

Azula snorted. "Fan_boys_ maybe. Everyone might hate me, but you're still gay."

"And you're not?!" Zuko demanded, gesturing towards Mai and Ty Lee.

"You didn't even deny it!" Azula laughed.

Zuko frowned, missed a beat, and then loudly shouted, "Am not!"

"Are too!" Azula laughed.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am _not_!"

"Are _too_!"

They glared at each other.

"Prove it." Azula demanded, smirking.

With a low, sexy growl, Zuko pulled Azula to him, kissing her soundly. She moaned, and straddled his lap.

They broke apart, gasping for air.

"Hey no fair!" Ty Lee shouted. "I thought I was your favorite!"

"Yeah, Zuzu." Mai purred, walking towards them.

Zuko smirked. "The more, the merrier." He quoted.

Mai and Ty Lee jumped him, pushing Azula off.

Azula pouted. "Daaaaddy." She whined.

Ozai just walked over to the couch, and pulled her chin up. "Who's your daddy, princess?"

"You." She whispered.

They started making out, falling back on the couch.

Zhao looked around for a partner. "But who's gonna be _my_ partner?!" He whined.

Iroh walked in, grinning happily, thinking of Pai Sho partners. "I'll be your partner!"

Zhao looked at Iroh.

Iroh looked at what the rest were doing.

Zhao fainted from disgust.

Iroh fainted from shock.

Dr. Holic stormed towards the door, then turned around. "Aren't you coming Ms. Liz?!"

Ms. Liz looked at the unconscious and vulnerable Commander Zhao and licked her lips. "Not yet."

Dr. Holic's jaw dropped. "Why I never!" He stuttered, before stomping out.

"ROSE!!" He shouted, flinging open the door to the main control room.

Rose was sitting at the chair, observing the security cameras. She flicked a switch, and rave lights came on in the therapy room. She flicked two more and music came on over the intercom.

_Push me. Then just touch me. Till I can get my. Satisfaction._

_Push me. Then just hurt me. Till I can get my. Satisfaction._

_Satisfaction._

_Satisfaction._

_Satisfaction._

"ROSE!!" Dr. Holic shouted again.

Rose jumped, then guiltily turned to look at him. "What?"

"This isn't therapy, this is an orgy!" He shouted. "What have you done?!"

lovelovelovelovelovelovelustlovelovelovelovelovelovelustlovelovelovelovelovelovelustlovelovelovelovelovelovelust

_Two hours earlier..._

"Come and get it!" Rose shouted, handing out bowls of cereal.

The gaang slowly ambled into the kitchen, blinking the sleep out of their eyes. Yawning, they took their bowls, and sat at the table.

Zuko looked at his suspiciously. "This isn't going to be like the last time is it?"

"Why Zuzu, whatever do you mean?" Rose asked, eyes wide with innocence.

"I mean, where you went off to crazy fairytale LaLa land, and tricked us into doing things (and people) we didn't want to do!" Zuko growled.

"Nooooooo."

Zuko's eyes narrowed. "Did you poison the cereal or something?"

"No, I did not!" Rose replied indignantly. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with the cereal!"

"Swear on Yaoi."

Rose gasped. _Not the sacred Yaoi..._ "Fine. I swear on Yaoi."

"_THAT..._" Zuko demanded, arms crossed.

Rose sighed. "_That_ there is absolutely nothing wrong with the cereal, and it has not been poisoned or drugged in any way or form."

Zuko nodded, satisfied. "Good."

_At least, not **yet**... _Rose thought, smiling evilly as they poured mounds of sugar on their cereal...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxokissesxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxhugsxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

_Half an hour later....(Or one and a half hours earlier...)_

"Come, my minion!" Rose commanded.

Ty Lee stepped forth.

"Did you do as I bid you to?"

"Yepperoonies!" She chirped.

Rose sweat dropped. "And you're sure no one saw you switch the sugar with crack, right?"

"Yepperoonies!"

Rose sighed. "You had some yourself, didn't you?"

"Yepperoonies mister flying octopus." Ty Lee smiled, her gaze unfocused.

Rose sighed again. "Oi."

saxophonesaxophonesaxophonephonesexsaxophonesaxophonesaxophonephonesexsaxophonesaxophonesaxophonephonesex

_Present time..._

Katara frowned. _Why do I hear rave music...?_

She turned to Aang. "Do you hear that?" She asked.

Aang frowned too. "Yeah I do, I think it's coming from that way."

She looked around, and finding the source, stuck her ear to the door of the therapy room.

Hearing screams and moans of pain, they burst through the door.

The sight that greeted them made Aang's virgin eyes roll up in the back of his head as he fainted next to Iroh.

Katara looked at Zuko, Zhao, and Ozai, who had, by that time, been joined by Jet and Haru. She smirked, and licked her lips.

"You've been a _very _naughty boy, Zuko." She purred.

"Oh really." He growled, looking her up and down.

"Really. In fact, I might even have to punish you." She whispered as the door swung shut...

**a/n: Okay, so Dr. Holic was right. This really was less of therapy, and more of one big orgy, buuuuut...can you _really_ blame me?**

**Due to the fact that this is almost eight pages long already, and deliciously smutty, there is no added story. Sorry... :(**

**Also, I updated so late in the night because I had horrible writer's block. This was actually a combination of boredom, my own fantasies (giggle), and other random ideas I've had throughout the day. Of course, all that could be avoided if you would REVIEW!! (hint hint) ...subtlety isn't my forte.**

**I do not own Avatar: TLA or the song Satisfaction by Benny Benassi. All I own is myself and my herd of abused plot bunnies...**


	32. Girls Do It Better!

Girls Do It Better!

"Guys!" Sokka shouted, bursting into the boy's dormitory.

Zuko sighed. "What'd you do now?"

"I didn't do anything!" Sokka protested. "Honestly! But more importantly: the girl's are having a slumber party...tonight!"

Zuko stared blankly at him, unimpressed. "So...?"

"SO?! They're going to be having pillow fights, and truth or dare games, and be in teeny tiny booty shorts and tank tops!" Sokka shouted.

Zuko's eyes widened. "I'll get Haru to set up the video cameras."

"S-Sokka!" Aang sobbed. "How could you do this to me?! I picked my team, but now maybe you need to pick yours!!"

Aang ran out of the room, and hid in his pink Hello Kitty room, clutching his stuffed bison, and writing in his Girl Tech journal.

Sokka stared at where Aang had ran off to, paused, thought about the slumber party, shrugged, and turned back to Zuko. "So are we going to bug the girl's dormitory too?"

"Yup." Zuko agreed. "Now then, let's go find Jet and Haru."

As they walked out, Sokka frowned. "Wait, I thought Haru and Jet were gay..."

Zuko looked at Sokka and raised an eyebrow. "I could say the same for you."

Sokka blushed, and shrugged.

peacepeacepeacepeacepieceofpiepeacepeacepeacepeacepieceofpiepeacepeacepeacepeacepieceofpie

"Girls!" Katara shouted.

Mai sighed. "What'd you screw up now? Or rather...who?"

"I didn't do anything!" Katara protested.

Mai raised an eyebrow. "Or any_one_?!"

"Nooooooooo." Katara said, unconvincingly.

"Yeeeeeeeeeees." Mai imitated.

Katara blushed. "Shut up! Wait, why are you even asking?! You were _there_! ...I just heard the sexy rave music, and Zuko, and everyone..." She sighed happily.

Mai rolled her eyes. Mai liked Zuko, but at least she wasn't fangirly about it!

"ANYWAY!!" Katara announced. "We're having a slumber party!"

"So...?" Mai asked, bored.

"SO?!" Katara demanded. "We can have pillow fights, and play truth or dare, and wear sexy lingerie!"

Mai's eyes widened ever so slightly. It _had_ been forever since they had any real fun (not counting earlier...). Believe it or not, being cooped up in one building for a month or so and having incompetent "doctors" poke and prod at your mind all day long was most definitely _not_ fun!

"I'll get Azula to set up the music." Mai said, feigning indifference.

"Mai! Oh Mayflower!" Ty Lee called, skipping in happily. (Zaaa!)

Mai groaned. "What do you want Ty Lee?!" She demanded, somehow managing to stay emotionless even then.

"Oh, I want a tail. And a pony. And a demon kitty. And a stick. And OH!" Ty Lee said happily, before being cut off by Mai.

"Yes, yes. And you want to walk through walls...I KNOW. This is the exactly the sixty-eighth time you've told me." Mai droned.

"Yeah, but I can really do it this time! Watch!" Ty Lee shouted, before running head first into the wall.

Mai stared at Ty Lee's body, paused, thought about the slumber party, shrugged, and turned back to Katara.

"So what kind of music do you like?" She asked.

livelivelivelivelivelivelovelivelivelivelivelivelivelovelivelivelivelivelivelivelovelivelivelivelivelivelivelove

The boys were in the main control room, staring at the screens, watching the girls giggle and dance around the room.

Jet was staring at Katara, robotically shoving popcorn into his mouth.

"_Soooo," Ty Lee began. "What was that with you and Aang, hmmm?"_

_Katara blushed. "What do you mean, 'me and Aang'?"_

_Azula snorted. "Please. I heard about that "therapeutic yoga" crap you pulled." She mimicked Katara in a high voice. "Now let's take off most of our clothes, go into a volcano, get hot and sweaty, and try out various positions!"_

"_Shut up!" Katara muttered. "It wasn't like that!"_

"_I wonder how far Twinkle Toes' tattoos go, anyway?" Toph mused._

_They all laughed at that, and in the main control room, Aang blushed._

"_What about you and Sokka?" Katara asked slyly, eying Ty Lee. "You thought he was super cute!"_

_Ty Lee sighed. "Yeah...but after that group therapy session with Yue and Suki, I realized that he was just a playboy...and he was cute. He just wasn't...you know, sexy!"_

"Hey!" Sokka yelled at the screen. "I am too sexy!"

Zuko snorted. "You wouldn't know sexy if it tied you to the bed."

Jet immediately looked up, hopefully glancing back and forth between the two men, practically drooling at the thought.

"No! Bad Jet! Bad!" Aang yelled, whacking him with his staff...er, beating him with his humongous stick...wait! No! You know what I mean! (perverted otaku -_-;)

Jet whimpered and slunk into his seat.

"_What about you Mai?" Katara asked. "You still into our beloved Prince of all Emo Darkness?"_

"That's Prince Zuko of the Firenation, not Emo Darkness!" Zuko muttered.

"Shut up! I'm trying to listen!" Haru grumbled.

"_Oh, I wouldn't say that..." Azula said coyly, smirking slightly. "More like, he's into **her**!"_

_Mai blushed ever so slightly. "Shut up." She muttered._

_Toph frowned. "Why don't you just leave him, Mai?"_

"_Yeah, Mai! Just go, he's a jerk anyway!" Katara agreed, secretly wanting him all to herself._

"_It's not that simple!" Mai protested. "I can't just leave! All my knives are in his room! I can't just walk away from thirty or forty good knives! It's gonna take at least two more years of abuse, and then we can end it violently! It's a Firenation tradition."_

"You didn't think it was abuse last night!" Zuko yelled, jabbing his finger at the screen.

"Don't touch that!" Haru said.

"That's what your mom said!" Zuko yelled.

Sokka and Jet looked at each other and grinned. "In bed!" They chorused.

"Stop it!" Aang shouted. "We'll miss what they're saying!"

The rest of the boys reluctantly settled down, and turned back to the screen.

Only to have the power flicker out, and the screens go black.

"Rose!" Zuko shouted.

Rose appeared, complete with kitten ears and a tail.

Jet smirked. "Me_ow_!"

Rose sniffed. "I don't flirt with fictional characters!"

Jet frowned. "What do you mean, we're fictional."

"Uh..." Rose sweat dropped. "Um...I have pockey!"

"Yay, pockey!" Aang and Sokka shouted, and Rose dutifully handed out the conveniently distracting pockey.

"Forget the pockey!" Zuko shouted.

"Awww!"

Zuko turned to Rose. "Why did the power shut off?!"

"Well, we don't have sufficient funding--" Rose started to say.

Zuko pulled Rose off to the side. "Unlike those idiots, I know exactly what you're up to. I know you're the author, and I know we're all from a children's show, but right now, _I don't care_! And don't give that funding crap, either! Just write the power back on!"

Rose just smiled, and snuggled closer into Zuko's arms. "Whaaaaa...?" She asked, not paying attention to a single word he just said.

"Power. NOW!" Zuko ground out between gritted teeth.

"Okay!" Rose chirped, the power magically whirring back to life.

Zuko snorted in approval, and stalked over to his chair in front of the screen. He eyed Rose, still standing there, smiling at him.

"Shouldn't you finish writing this so you can work on your chibi drawings or your para para dancing or something?" He asked.

Rose blinked. "Oh! Right!"

She disappeared in a cloud of smoke, and the boys went back to staring at the screen. And promptly passed out from blood loss, as their blood rushed from one head to another, and what blood was left in their face/head started spurting out their noses.

Dr. Holic and Ms. Liz walked in, took one look at the boys, another look at the screen, one last look at each other, before sighing, and carting them out to the medical ward.

"I don't see how this counts as therapy!" Ms. Liz grunted, trying to lift Sokka.

"Well...now they're going to need physical therapy!" Dr. Holic joked, lifting Sokka's legs.

Ms. Liz rolled her eyes, and accidentally dropping Sokka's head on the floor. His forehead banged against the floor, and the floor cracked. Ms. Liz stared at him, uncaring, and nudged him over with her foot. His thick skull wasn't even scratched.

"Remarkable..." Dr. Holic mused, before shrugging, and hefting him up again.

**a/n: Okay, so once again, I have updated on time! YAY!! Now, I still need a Yaoi couple, so feel free to give me ideas! (HINT) PS: Nothing Fight is by Dane Cook!**

**This chapter is dedicated to my friend...? Aaron, because he has been threatening to kill me for all the Yaoi...-_-; SOOO, I have finally written you a Yuri chapter! YAY! -throws confetti-**

***angry mob of reviewers (HINT)* We want to know what happened!**

***me* What? O.O (bambi eyes)**

***mob* Why they all passed out from nose bleeds!**

***me* Ohhhhh, _that_!**

***mob* Yes, _that_!**

***me* Welllllll...**

"It's not that simple!" Mai protested. "I can't just leave! All my knives are in his room! I can't just walk away from thirty or forty good knives! It's gonna take at least two more years of abuse, and then we can end it violently! It's a Firenation tradition."

Suddenly, the power whirred off.

Ty Lee and Katara screamed, and started aimlessly running around. Ty Lee tripped over Azula, and fell onto Mai, and Katara ran into Toph, pushing them into the pile as well.

"Everyone, stop!" Toph shouted. "Now if you can just hold still, I'll tell you where to go!"

She closed her eyes and concentrated, sensing all of the girls. Suddenly, she frowned. She had just "saw" the boys in the main control room.

"Why are the boys in the main control room?" She asked. Normally, if they all got together in one room, they were at each other's throats.

Katara frowned in the dark. "I don't know. Speaking of the boys, I caught Haru in here earlier."

Azula frowned too. "And Jet's been happy lately. I hate it when other people are happy, especially him! Normally I go out of my way to make him miserable, but nothing phased him today."

"And when Jet's happy, you _know _it's bad!" Mai agreed.

"Pervert!" Katara muttered.

"Hey, doesn't Haru do all of his hacking and stuff in the main control room? You know that there's a security camera right over there, don't you?" Ty Lee asked, swinging her arm wildly to point, and hitting Katara in the face.

"Ow!" Katara shouted.

"Wait, shut up Katara!" Toph said. "How do you know there's a security camera in here?"

"Oh, the therapists installed it so me, Azula, and Mai won't hurt anyone...or at least if we do, we get caught." Ty Lee explained.

"Stupid cameras." Azula muttered.

"...what if Haru hacked into the camera, and the boys are in the main control room watching us?" Toph asked, quietly. 

All of the girls stopped moving.

"They wouldn't dare!" Katara breathed, but they all knew they would!

"Well..." Azula said, smirking evilly. "If they want to watch, let's put on a show!"

"_Power. NOW!" Zuko ground out between gritted teeth, back in the main control room._

"_Okay!" Rose chirped, the power magically whirring back to life._

_Zuko snorted in approval, and stalked over to his chair in front of the screen. He eyed Rose, still standing there, smiling at him._

"_Shouldn't you finish writing this so you can work on your chibi drawings or your para para dancing or something?" He asked._

_Rose blinked. "Oh! Right!"_

_She disappeared in a cloud of smoke, and the boys went back to staring at the screen. And promptly passed out from blood loss, as their blood rushed from one head to another, and what blood was left in their face/head started spurting out their noses._

_**I kissed a girl, and I liked it! **_Katy Perry sang. 

Azula had on a red and black corset, complete with tiny underwear and garter belt.

_**The taste of her cherry chap stick!**_

Mai had on a wicked looking black leather outfit, and four inch high platform boots.

_**I kissed a girl, just to try it!**_

Ty Lee was wearing a black and pink cat outfit, with black spandex hugging her body.

_**I hope my boyfriend don't mind it!**_

Katara was wearing a dark blue and black miniskirt in a "naughty school girl" outfit.

_**It felt so wrong, it felt so right!**_

Toph had low rise baggy cargo pants with chains, and a ridiculously tight skull teeshirt.

_**Don't mean I'm in love tonight!**_

And they were all dancing to the music, twisting around each other.

_**I kissed a girl, and I liked it!**_

As the music ended, they all posed, hips jutting out, lips centimeters from each other.

_**And I liked it...**_


	33. Aang and Sokka: The Breakup!

Aang and Sokka:

The Breakup!

"Next couple!" Dr. Al K. Holic called.

Aang and Sokka stood as one, and walked into the therapy room.

"Now, what seems to be the problem?" Dr. Holic asked.

"He never listens to me, he just--"

"--just nags, nags, nags all the time--"

"--time we used to spend together, but now--"

"--now he just wants more, more, more! I have needs too--"

"--too much arguing! He never pays attention to me, and my feelings--"

"--feel like I'm being blue-balled, and--"

"--and I work all day long, slaving over a hot stove, just so--"

"--just so annoying that he doesn't even trust me--"

"--me and _my_ needs, because all we ever do is--"

"--is having sex so wrong?! Do we always have to talk about--"

"--about how our issues keep growing, and I just don't think I can take the--"

"--sometimes I just want to have some relaxing me time with absolute--"

"SILENCE!!" Ms. Liz B. Anne yelled.

Aang and Sokka both stopped their ranting, and stared at her.

"First of all," Ms. Liz snapped, "I do NOT want to hear about what color your balls are! Second of all, you all agreed to this therapy in exchange to having all your food, shelter, clothing and other needs provided for you, so no, Aang! You have NOT been slaving over ANY stove! And thirdly, your little 'psychic sentence finishing thing' is _annoying_!"

By the end of her rant Ms. Liz was glaring at them, and breathing heavily, face red from yelling.

Aang and Sokka slowly scooted to the other end of the couch, as far away from her as possible.

Unfazed, Dr. Holic asked, "Aang, why don't you go first?"

"Thank you!" Aang cried. "It's just that he never _listens_! I mean, we used to be so close, and now everything's changed!"

"I do too listen to you!" Sokka argued.

"Oh yeah?! What's my favorite color? Favorite animal? Am I right handed or left? Do I like sushi?" Aang demanded.

"Aang..."

"Whom do I prefer: Hugh Jackman or Johnny Depp? Do I like chartreuse or periwinkle better? If I was reincarnated, what animal would I be?"

"Aang."

"How do I like my skittles served? Have I ever been to Turkey? Do I like white meat or dark?"

"Aang!"

"How many Michael Jackson posters do I have? Where exactly is my third nipple? _What color are my eyes_? No, don't look!"

"AANG!!" Sokka roared, cutting him off.

Aang stopped, and stared at Sokka, eyes wide and chibi-fied. Sokka sighed. "Listen, Aang. We need to talk."

"That's what I've been saying, and—" Aang started.

"No, Aang. Not like that." Sokka said sadly. "It's just...okay, before we start, I just want you to know...it's not you, it's me."

"Wh...what are you saying?" Aang asked.

"Well, Aang...I don't feel the same way about you, as you do about me. I mean, I just, _I love you_**, **I'm just not _in love_ with you."

"I can't believe you're breaking up with me!" Aang cried.

"Aang, don't cry! I'd just end up hurting you, and you deserve better, you really do!" Sokka said, frantically trying to stop the tears.

"You're just saying that!" Aang wailed.

"No, no really! It's what's best for you, and I just think we're meant to be great friends!" Sokka soothed.

"But _why_?!" Aang wailed even louder, and both Sokka and the therapists winced.

"I'm just not ready for a relationship right now, and you want more than I can give!" Sokka tried to explain.

"Bu-Bu-But you said it wasn't me!" Aang sobbed.

"It isn't, there just isn't a spark anymore!" Sokka said, frustrated.

"I-I can firebend n-now, and w-we could--" Aang stuttered through the tears.

Desperate, Sokka shouted. "I, uh...I'm being sent out of the country! Yeah, and it's um, a super top secret mission, and I wasn't supposed to tell you, but I did because now I won't be able to contact you for the next uh...five to seven years, and, and...I love you!"

"Really?" Aang asked hopefully.

"...yes?"

"Oh Sokka! I love you too!" Aang shouted, and glomped Sokka.

_Aw, crap! What'd I get myself into?!_ Sokka desperately wondered.

**a/n: Okay, so it's seven thirty right now, and if I can just next the next few pages for the story (yay story time!), I'll hopefully have this published, and you'll have read this by a little after eight! :)**

**I used every clichéd, lame, horrible breakup lines I could think of and/or find on the Internet! (Such a useful thing, that Internet!) XD**

**But, if you have ever used, or ever have had horribly lame breakup, or even pickup lines used on you, PLEASE! Review and tell me about them! I would love to hear about them, and talk to you guys! Also, if you're from another country other than America...YOU'RE AMAZING!! I was checking the stats for this story, and I was totally psyched to see all the different places people are reading this from! :) So if you, review, PM, or e-mail me (Readermonkey aol . com) and tell me about yourself, and your home! XD**

_Somewhere deep in the heart of the Amazon..._

"I just _had_ to say Brazil! Why couldn't I have said Japan, or Canada?! But nooooo, I just had to go for Brazil!" Sokka grumbled, army crawling in the mud. "I thought Zuko said there were beaches, and sun and surf, and hot women in bikinis!"

**-------rustle-------**

Sokka paused, and looked around. Seeing nothing, he continued crawling, mumbling all the while.

"Stupid, lying, traitorous Zuko! Stupid, whiny, needy Aang! Stupid, unhelpful, evil therapists!" Sokka muttered.

**-------rustle rustle-------**

Sokka paused, and looked up again. "Hello?" He called. "Is anybody there?" He looked around nervously. "Must've just been a bird..."

"Now where was I?" He asked himself. "Oh right! Stupid, cunning, treacherous authoress! ...treacherous...authoress...hehe, that rhymes! Treacherous authoress, treacherous authoress, trea--"

**-------rustle rustle rustle-------**

Sokka abruptly stopped at the noise.

"Hehe...nice...birdyyyyyyyyyy!" He yelped in terror just before everything went black.

…

…...

….........

…................_whaaaaaa? What happened? Ohhhhh, my head!_

Sokka thought, slowly opening his eyes, his vision blurring over, before clearing everything into focus.

"Whaaa..." His first attempts at speaking yielded nothing. He licked his dry and cracked lips, and tried again. "Where am I?"

"_Estas en nosotros casa._" Growled an unseen voice.

"Who...?" Sokka started ask, looking left and right, before something caught his eye. He looked down to see that he was on a throne, and some very peculiar looking natives had gathered around him...very _small_ natives, with strange masks and face paintings.

"Who are you?" Sokka asked.

"_!El joven es un regalo de Dios!_" One of the oldest, and shortest, men proclaimed.

"I don't speak Spanish! No Espanol! No comprende!" Sokka desperately shouted.

"_!Vamos a celebralo!_" He declared, raising his hands to the sky.

"Celebralo? Wait...does that mean celebrate? Are we celebrating?" Sokka asked. "Are there going to be women?! Um...chicas?"

The natives stopped cheering, and the old man shouted, "_El joven quiere chicas_!"

"Yeah! Si!" Sokka shouted. "Chicas! Bring on the chicas!"

"_!T__u!_" The man shouted, pointing at a nearby native. "!_Va, y trae el joven un ofrecimiento_!"

The native warrior quickly scurried away. "Si, go get me chicas!" Sokka shouted after him.

Sokka smirked. _They must think I'm some gift from God...wait! Maybe they think I __**am**__ a god!_

The warrior returned, leading along a veiled maiden. He lead her up to the throne where a smirking Sokka was sitting, and knelt down, slowly shuffling away.

"_!Hoy, tenemos un regalo de Dios! Ofertamos a `el, el holocausto, a tu._" The man declared, backing away slowly as well.

"Wait!" Sokka shouted. "El holocausto?! That does _not_ sound good!"

The woman drew closer, swaying her hips slightly. Sokka smirked. _Then again..._

She drew up close to him, face to face, and then reached behind her, and undid her veil. Sokka's eyes slowly followed it to the ground, and when he looked back up, he saw a mouth full of razor sharp teeth, and evil eyes.

"Wrong chica!" He shouted, scooting backwards. "Wrong chica!"

"Sokka..." She purred.

"No, stay back! You ugly monster!"

"Sokka."

"No, you'll never take me alive!" Sokka screeched.

"Sokka!" She shouted.

When Sokka slowly opened his eyes, wincing slightly as he did so. But all he saw was Aang, and Katara glaring murderously at him.

"Now what was that about me being an ugly monster?!" She demanded.

"No, no, no!" Sokka quickly assured her. "It wasn't you! I just, there was Aang, and we were a couple, and I had blue balls, and Aang wanted skittles! And then, I told him I was a super secret spy, and Zuko made me go to Brazil, and I was captured by Spanish speaking midgets! And I told them to get me chicas, but they brought me this horrible monster woman instead, and she was going to eat me!!"

"Riiiiiiight." Katara said, entirely unconvinced. "All right, that's it. No more cactus juice before bedtime. Come on, Aang. Let's leave the mad man to his madness."

"Sure thing Katara!" Aang chirped. But as they walked out, Aang looked back at Sokka, and mouhted, _Call me!_

**Fin. PS: Please excuse the Spanish! I've only been taking classes for two years now, and my school SUCKS!! (and I've forgotten most of it because it's summer...) So some of that is purely Internet translators!**


	34. Sokka Starts A Revolution!

Sokka Starts A Revolution!

"So, Sokka. I heard you had a rather..._interesting_ dream yesterday. Tell us about it." Dr. Holic demanded.

Sokka was lying face up on the couch, staring at the ceiling. "It was horrible! I dreamed Aang and I were going out, but I didn't love him, and he started talking about Truces with some guy named Char, and Perri's winkle, and then I had to pretend to be a spy! So Zuko sent me to Brazil, but it was the jungle part, not the beach part, and I was attacked by Spanish midgets, and I was nearly eaten alive by a really hot ugly woman!"

Ms. Anne just stared at Sokka, hand over her mouth, trying very hard not to laugh at his stupidity. She failed miserably though, and ended up letting out a very large, unlady-like snort.

Sokka glared at her. "I'm serious! It's all true!"

He huffed, and angrily looked back towards the ceiling, grumbling, "No one ever believes me! They all think I never have anything to say, or have intelligent thoughts!"

"Hm, very interesting indeed...you know, dreams are a direct link to your subconscious. Is it possible that you have repressed feelings for Aang?" Dr. Holic questioned.

Sokka snorted. "Look, if you want to talk about repressed feelings, go find Mai."

"You're avoiding the question." Ms. Anne noted.

"Will you shut up! I'm trying to talk here!" Sokka yelled angrily.

"Hmm, it seems you have some repressed anger issues as well." Dr. Holic mused, writing absently on his clipboard.

"That's because no one ever pays attention to me--" Sokka shouted, sitting up, and glaring at them.

At that moment, Zuko slammed the door open, making a dramatic—and rather angry—appearance.

Unfortunately, he slammed the door straight into Sokka's face.

"And just where have I been the last few chapters?!" Zuko demanded.

"Owwwww..." Sokka groaned, as everyone completely ignored him.

Ms. Liz frowned. "Well, you were in the last chapter...you spied on the girls, remember?"

Zuko snorted. "I was merely mentioned in passing."

"Well, you _did_ have an entire chapter dedicated to you at the very start of the 'Couples Therapy' gig." Ms. Liz reminded him.

"That was a _long time ago_!" Zuko whined.

"You got to be a sexy emo prince!" Ms. Liz argued.

"I'm a sexy emo prince anyhow!" Zuko argued back, crossing his muscled arms over his oh-so-perfect chest.

Sokka looked up, rubbing his bloody nose, completely confused. "What are you guys talking about?! Oh! Wait, is this like in my dream where I dreamt we were all being held hostage by an evil authoress intent on shamelessly exploiting us for cheap laughs every two weeks?"

"Noooooooooo...." Zuko answered. "You...uh, you're just confused from being hit in the head. Now shut up, and let me finish my temper tantrum!"

Sokka stood up, glaring at them and holding his nose. "NO! No one ever pays attention to _me_, because I'm just the lowly 'comic relief' guy! BUT NO MORE!!"

By now the rest of the cast had started curiously peering through the open door. The minor characters staring in awe at Sokka.

"I QUIT!! From now on, I will _not_ cater to your selfish whims! I will _not_ injure myself just so you can have a cheap laugh! I will _not_ pretend to be stupid just to make you feel better! And I will _not_, I repeat will _not_ be anybodies little 'sidekick' ever again!" Sokka shouted dramatically.

"Yeah!" Ty Lee shouted, "I quit too! I don't have to be your lapdog!" She shouted at Azula.

"Stick it to the man!" Bumi cheered.

"Dude, where did you come from?" Jet asked.

"Hey...you're right!" Katara shouted. She turned to Aang. "That's it! I refuse to be your cute little 'girlfriend' just because canon demands it! From now on, I'm going to be a liberated woman, and follow my heart!"

She turned, and the Blue Spirit appeared at the doorway. "Katara!" He shouted.

"Oh, Blue!" She gasped.

He strode across the floor, picked her up bridal style, and they dramatically walked out of the room.

"What was that?!" Zuko demanded. "That shouldn't even be _possible_!"

"You know what, Sokka and Katara are right!" Jet shouted. "I'm tired of being forced into 'The Todd' stereotype! I'm not just a jerk, I'm a human being with real feelings, and it would be nice, if just for once, I could express those feelings you know?"

Jet started to tear up a bit, and Haru hugged him. "Why should we have to endure this torture? That's right! We shouldn't! Did anyone ever _ask _me if I wanted to be a gay creeper?! NO! Did anyone ever _ask_ me if I wanted to endorse 'Sexy Fine'? NO! And did _anyone, _anyone at all, ever ask _me_ if I wanted this...this _thing_ on my lip they have the audacity to call a mustache?! HECK NO!"

With the conclusion of that dramatic speech, Haru reached up, and **ripped** his "mustache" off!

The rest of the cast cheered, minus Aang—because he's the hero, Zuko—because he's the angsty hero, Azula—because she's the villianess, and Toph—well, she's just way too awesome to be a "minor" character.

As the cheers died down, an awkward silence took its place.

"...so what now?" Song asked.

"Oh, I'll tell you what now!" Sokka shouted. "We go on strike! See how well you snobs can get along without _us_!"

And with that, Sokka lead the crowd of under appreciated characters out the door, and into the metaphorical sunset!

**a/n: Okay, so I know it's kinda late, but at least I technically got it updated on a Friday...with only one hour to spare...-_-;**

**BUT! I _have_ been hard at work sketching and drawing for Deviantart . com under the username Rose0404. Although I currently don't have any Avatar sketches up yet, I do have plans to draw some, although right now I've mostly been working on Fullmetal Alchemist drawings, as well as some Saiyuki and Naruto. :)**

**So, just go to . com (remove the spaces, and you'll have the URL address EXACTLY) to check them out, and hopefully comment on them as well as review!**

_Meanwhile...._

Zuko, Aang, Azula, Toph, and Ozai tried to cope without their supporting characters. Unfortunately, it wasn't going very well.

You see, with Iroh gone, Zuko had no one to love him, or fix him tea, or take his teenage angst out upon. Slowly, his need for attention got worse and worse, until finally, he snapped.

So now, the normally "sane" sibling is currently sitting in his windowless room, with all the lights off, storm cloud a-storming, talking to an Iroh sock puppet.

Aang hasn't been doing much better. Because without Katara, he has no one to talk to about random, useless things. No one to look at him with big, trusting eyes, and say, "Mah He-roh!" No one to tuck him into bed, or read him stories, or go penguin sledding with.

The feelings of abandonment grew and grew, and now, convinced that nobody loves him, Aang...has gone emo. He's in his room, listening to screamo, watching Twilight, and ruining all of his carefully applied black mascara because, Edward left and now Bella's suicidal, and Jacob is the only one who truly cares, but Bella is still in love with Edward, and is totally just using Jacob, but then again, Jacob may or may not be playing Bella for cheap sex, while Edward is off in God knows where, doing God knows whom, and Bella is a ditzy Mary-Sue who is completely stereotypical and unbelievable but we all love her anyway because we wish we could be her!

Azula, meanwhile, is having a bit of a mental breakdown. Okay, a _lot_ of a mental breakdown! Without Mai and Ty Lee, she no longer has any playthings to play with, or boss around, or put down. And without that precious control, she just keeps slipping further and further...

Finally, having hit rock bottom, she had an epiphany! She was only using Mai and Ty Lee to make her feel better about herself! Which, obviously, she didn't need to do because she was a Princess, and was therefore naturally amazing. So why should she be mean to those so very far beneath her? It really was pointless and cruel.

And with that frame of mind, she has now turned over a new leaf! She's currently volunteering at a soup kitchen, to help all of the poor needy hobos that should be just oh-so-grateful...

And Toph, well...when Sokka left, he effectively broke her heart. And after being rejected by her parents, her teachers, and even hidden away from the public in general, that was the last straw! Screw being individual! Being individual just meant that you were alone! And there was no _way_ she was going to end up being the forty-year-old lady with twenty seven lemurs, no sir!

And now, Toph is in Aeropostale, shopping for the latest—and girliest—clothing she can find to win back her man! That's right, she's getting a complete make over, and she looks UH-MA-ZING baby! Like, totally!

And as for Ozai, well...what's the point in being king, if you have no subjects to rule over? Besides, being king was far too much work! He didn't realize how much he truly hated it until he finally got some down time...and you know what? It was nice. It was really, truly nice to finally be able to sit back, and let some other person handle it!

But he wasn't ready to give up being royalty just yet, oh no! So, he got a sex change, became a drag queen, and is currently getting married to Zhao in Vegas.

**THE END**

_BUUUUUT....Meanwhile..._

"Soooo...now what?" Jet asked Sokka.

"Now we sit, and wait for them to come crawling back to us." Sokka answered.

"Yeah, but Zuko went insane, Aang is still stalking Taylor Lautner, Azula became a Saint (sorta) and is working at a soup kitchen, Toph joined and took over a sorority, and Ozai is somewhere in Vegas! So what are we supposed to do now huh?" Song demanded, apparently the voice of reason.

"Umm, go to Vegas?"


	35. Ozai and the Pink Miniskirt of DOOM!

Chapter 35:

Ozai and the Sparkly Pink Miniskirt of DOOM

"Do you know why you're here?" Dr. Al K. Holic questioned.

"Because you mere mortals are attempting to understand my power and glory." Ozai retorted.

"More like arrogance and stupidity." Ms. Liz B. Anne snapped.

"SILENCE!" Ozai commanded.

Dr. Holic sighed. It was going to be a _loooong_ day...

"Your files here say that your previous therapist discussed your power and control issues?" Dr. Holic asked.

"What do you mean 'issues'?!" Ozai demanded, using finger quotes. "The only issue is that instead of being in the Fire Nation, claiming my rightful title as Phoenix King, I'm stuck here!"

"Hmmm. And how does that make you feel?"

"Like punching babies, raping nuns, killing therapists, and listening to the Jonas Brothers." Ozai said, shuddering slightly at that last one. Not even he was _that_ demented!

"Hey! The Jonas Brothers is a great band!" Ms. Liz shouted.

"No they aren't!" Ozai scoffed. "I mean, come on! The only one that's cute is Nick!"

Ms. Liz gasped. "You take that back!"

"Why? You know it's true! Kevin looks like a total creeper!" Ozai argued.

"Wait, which one is Kevin?" Dr. Holic asked, confused.

"The one with the hideous sideburns." Ozai clarified.

"I thought he was the one with the caterpillar eyebrows."

"No, that's Joe Jonas. He's the one that looks like a pedophile."

"You would know!" Ms. Liz sniffed.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Ozai said. "Zuko is the one that was stalking Aang, not me! If anyone is a pedophile it's him! ...or Zhao."

"Ah, yes!" Dr. Holic said, getting back on track. "Tell us about your relationship with your son, Zuko."

"I'm going to ask you the same thing I asked Ursa." Ozai said.

Dr. Holic leaned forward. Perhaps they were making a breakthrough? "What?"

"......how do you know it's mine?"

"That's what you asked her?!" Ms. Liz cried. "You sick son of a lemur!"

Ozai frowned, unsure of how that was wrong, or why she was upset. "Calm down. Who jizzed in your coffee?"

Dr. Holic, who had at that precise moment, taken a drink of his coffee, immediately spewed it out.

"It's okay, you get used to the taste after a while. Azula makes my coffee all the time." Ty Lee whispered from under the desk.

"Wait, what? TY LEE!" Dr. Holic shouted. "For the last time, get out from underneath my desk! There is no such thing as aliens!"

"Oh yeah, then how do you explain Michael Jackson, huh?!" Ty Lee demanded.

"Michael Jackson was one of the best—no, he was _the_ best singer of all time! He invented pop! Now GET OUT!" Dr. Holic shouted.

Ty Lee pouted, and sulked outside.

Dr. Holic gave an annoyed sigh. "Kids these days."

Ozai snorted. "Tell me about it."

"So...where were we?" Dr. Holic muttered, shuffling around files and papers. "Ah! Here we are! We were talking about your power and control issues."

Ozai scowled and crossed his arms. "I don't have any issues!"

"Oh, but you do." Ms. Liz answered cryptically.

"Yes, well. Let's talk about _why_ you want so much power and control." Dr. Holic said, trying to break the tension.

"I already told you. For _bowchickawowwow_!" Ozai said, smirking. "You want me to do the dance too?"

"Oh god, please no!" Ms. Liz muttered.

"Please, call me Phoenix Kind Ozai."

Ms. Liz frowned and rolled her eyes.

"Are there any other reasons?" Dr. Holic pried.

"Well...there is one." Ozai admitted.

"Yes?"

"I have a dream..." Ozai began. "...that all the women in the kingdom will be forced to... wear miniskirts!"

Ms. Liz scoffed. "You are such and animal!"

"Yeah, I know. I'm a sexy beast." Ozai retorted.

"Wait a minute! You invaded another Kingdom, enslaved millions, and attempted world domination...for miniskirts?!" Ms. Liz demanded incredulously. "What kind of man does that?!"

Ozai snorted. "Any man who can. Isn't that right, Dr. Holic."

Dr. Holic blushed. If he could make every woman in the world wear miniskirts....

"Wait!" He said. "What about the ugly women? I don't want to see their fat butts hanging out of miniskirts!"

"Oh, that's easy." Ozai shrugged. "I'd just kill all of the ugly ones."

"Oh." Dr. Holic said, thinking it over.

"Dr. Holic!" Ms. Liz shouted, outraged. "I can't believe you're even considering the possibility!"

"What about all of the nagging ones?" Dr. Holic asked.

"Them too." Ozai agreed.

They both turned to stare at Ms. Liz.

"Wait, what are you looking at me for?! Guys...uh...guys?"

**a/n: Hooray! Once again, I have updated on time! Sorta. I know I always update at like, ten-eleven o' clock at night, but technically it still counts as Friday. ;D**

**Oh, and super double times a million kudos to whoever caught the FMA reference! YES!! Edward Elric is the only Edward with golden eyes I will ever love! WHOO!**

**LOL. Anyway, so the story that comes next is...kinda trippy. Okay, it's very trippy. I need to lay off the acid or something, geez! I actually wrote it in school, which kind of explains why it's so weird...XD**

**And I know I'm kinda bashing on the Jonas Brothers, Michael Jackson, and Edward Cullen, but I just can't help it, lol!**

_**Six Months Later...**_

_**Somewhere in Mexico...**_

_**At 3:14 PM...**_

_**(Pi time, lol...nerd humor)**_

Now that he finally had the feds off of his case for murdering Ms. Liz, and converting Dr. Holic to the dark side, he finally had time to carry out his TRUE plan.

You see, while making all of the women in the kingdom wear miniskirts might have been nice, he had ulterior motives.

The REAL reason why he wanted absolute power is so that no one could laugh, make fun of, or challenge him when he...

WORE A PINK MINISKIRT!!

He'd always wanted one, ever since he was a little boy! Of course, THEY had all laughed at him, but now, with Ms. Liz dead, Dr. Holic in jail, and him in Mexico all by himself, he was free to finally fulfill his life long dream!

And so, he went out and bought a pink leather miniskirt that looked more like a belt than a skirt, and matching pink pumps. But what about the top? Hmmm, spandex was good. Spandex was very good...especially in neon green.

So Ozai and his pink leather belt skirt, his bright pink stilettos, and neon green spandex tube top went out to buy some shampoo. The Radiant Ribbons kind, not the cheap motel kind. The ribbons kind made you sparkle!

Ozai was SO happy, because now, not only did he have a pink leather belt skirt, but he also sparkled just like Edward Cullen, the world's only gay super hero!

After that, he bought some crazy breadsticks from Azula, and ate it, thinking of Edward the entire time! :3


	36. Appa and TWAT

Appa's Wild Dreams

and Ty Lee's Wild Adventures

"I'm not going back in there!" Suki shouted!

The Avatar gaang were gathered in the waiting room, anxiously...well, _waiting_ to see who was the next victim—er _patient_.

Sokka shrugged. "I've already gone."

"Yeah, me too." Katara agreed.

"The only ones who haven't gone are Bumi, Haru, Uncle, Suki, and Zhao." Aang said.

The remaining five characters all glared at each other, none of them wanting to go.

"Somebody's got to go." Haru pointed out.

Zhao snorted. "Not me."

"You'll never take me alive!" Bumi shouted.

"I uh...I have to um...spend...oh! I have to spend 'quality family time' with Zuko!" Iroh said, grabbing Zuko's arm. "Isn't that right, nephew?"

"Um..."

Iroh squeezed harder. "Isn't that _right_, nephew."

"Yes, Uncle!" Zuko squeaked.

"Then who's going to go?!" Suki shouted.

"Mwuuaaaa." Appa roared, ambling in.

The five characters looked at Appa, looked at each other, and then back at Appa again.

Suki grinned.

"Moo."

"Hello, Appa. And how are you today?" Dr. Al K. Holic asked.

"Moo, moooo, mwuaaa."

"Oh that's terrible! And what happened in these 'nightmares' of yours?" Dr. Holic asked, leaning forward.

"Moooo, moo moooo moo mwuaaaaa moooo."

"So you were a giant frog?"

"_Moo _mwuaaaaa."

"Oh, I see. A giant _Zelda_ frog. My mistake. But then what happened?"

"Moo moooo mwuaa mwuooo moo moooo."

"I see. You rode your 'magic carpet' to the mall. What did you do at the mall?"

"Mwuaa moo mmmmmoooooooo roaaaaaaar."

"A _harlot_?!"

"Moo."

"That _is _concerning. What, or rather, _whom _were you doing?"

"Moomooo Mwuuaaa."

"Sherlock Holmes?!"

"Moo!"

"Well...what did he do?"

"Mwuaaa mooo moo _roaaaar_!"

"He assaultedyou?! What a jerk!"

"Roaaar moo muaaaa mooooo mooomooo."

"And you sold your soul to clown demons! Well, whatever for?!"

"Moooo."

"Well, chocolate frogs _are_ pretty amazing. Were they good?"

"Moo! Mwuaa moo mooooo roooooaar!"

"Oh! I hate that! Why do they even _have_ that waxy chocolate?!"

"Moo, rooaaaaaaar moooooo mooo mooomoo."

"Haha, yeah! If I were you, I'd have used my magical Zelda frog powers on them too!"

"Mwwwaaaaa mooo moo mooooo roaaaar."

"I didn't even know that move was physically possible! How did you do it?!"

"Mooo, moo moooo mwwuaaaaa."

"With your harlot flexibility powers? I thought that was Ty Lee's shtick."

"Moo?"

"Oh, a shtick is derived from the Yiddish word, shtik, meaning 'piece.' But shtick itself means 'comic theme' or 'gimmick'."

"Moo."

"So what happened next?"

"Mooo moo mwuaaaaa rooaaaaar mooo."

"Lucky! I wish I dreamed about the Ouran boys! They are so sexy!"

"Moo moo!"

"Well! I need _details_!"

"Mwwuuuuaaa moo moooooomoo roooaaar mooo!

"Haninozuka was on _top_?!"

"Moo!"

"Where were Mori-sempai and Kaoru-kun?!"

"Mooo moo mwuua."

"How come _they_ got to watch?!"

Ms. Liz B. Anne just stared in shock. "Dr. Holic! You can't seriously be pretending to _talk _to it?!"

"Appa is not an it!" Dr. Holic cried. "Appa is a _he_!"

"You're both crazy!" Ms. Liz shouted, running from the room.

"Mooo, mwuaa roooar?"

"Oh, it's just her time of the month again." Dr. Holic said dismissively.

"Mwwuuuaaa....moo mooomooo roaaar?"

"Oh yes! I would _love_ to hear more about the Ouran dream!"

**a/n: Okay, I know I missed my update deadline, but I have a reason! Actually, I have three.**

**I was sick.**

**This week was Home Coming (we lost 18-0)**

**Personal issues I'd rather not go into.**

**So, anyway. There are my excuses. You can stop hurting my voodoo doll now.**

**I think I might continue my stories at the end as a series. I don't think I'll publish it separately just yet, but I'll probably continue The Wild Adventures of Ty Lee in my next couple of updates.**

**PS: All the stuff that happened in Appa's dream are all things that I have actually dreamed about...-_-; (The Ouran stuff however is merely wishful thinking!) ;D**

**The Wild Adventures of:**

**Ty Lee! (TWAT)**

Ever since Azula's latest psychotic breakdown, Ty Lee had been feeling very lonely...

Normally, that would mean she would go bug Mai, but Mai and Zuko were kinda sorta maybe ish back together again in their own Nothing Couple way.

Still...Mai might tolerate her for at least a little while, right?

So Ty Lee went in search of Mai.

"Nuhzzz...I don't even care...Mmmphn...don't care...Mummuzzz...care..."

Yes! That was Mai's monotone, mumbling voice!

She crept closer, like a tiger stalking its prey...or a platypus.

"Yeah, yeah, uh huh. Yeah, uh huh, yeah...huh uh. Yeah, yeah, uh huh..."

"Don't care, don't even care...Mmnzzzz...whatever...Zzzzmmm...don't care."

She was almost to the corner...now if she could just make those last two feet...

"Yeah, oh yeah?! Uh uh, yeah, care?! Yeah...yeah, huh? Care! Huh, yeah, yeah!"

She peeked around the corner, preparing to glomp Mai like the giant platager she was...

Crap.

Ty Lee sighed. They were getting into one of their nothing fights again. Must be their time of the month.

She slumped down against the wall and tried to tune out the sound of their fighting. What was she going to do now?

She could vaguely hear Zuko throwing a tantrum about jelly, and Mai being her usual uncaring, emo self, but she still couldn't come up with any good ideas!

"I will break your neck and pour jelly all over your body, and pray to the _gods_ of jelly to burn your soul in a jelly-like hell!" He shouted.

Ty Lee sat up straight. _I know what I'm going to do today!_


	37. Suki the Aggressive Amazon!

Suki the Aggressive Amazon!

"Earth...Fire...Air...Water!" Suki shouted.

Earth was represented by a fist. Air was a flat hand, palm down. Fire was the first two fingers pointed out, with the other two and the thumb curled in. And water was a flat hand, with the palm facing up.

Bumi, Zhao, Haru, Iroh, and Suki all made the signs with their hands, and then chose a sign for themselves.

"Ha! Fire beats earth!" Zhao cried.

Bumi sulked, he had made the earth sign. "But earth beats air!"

"Yeah, and air beats water!" Haru shouted.

"But water beats fire." Iroh argued. He had gone for the strategical approach, and had chosen water instead of fire.

"How does air beat water?!" Suki demanded.

"It just does!" Haru snapped.

"Yeah, but fire beats all of you!" Zhao boasted.

"You're crazy!" Bumi shouted.

"Oh, _I'm_ crazy?! You're the crazy one, old man!" Zhao retorted.

"Hey, respect your elders!" Iroh chided.

"Order, order!" Aang yelled, banging a gravel against his desk.

"Hey, since when does he have a desk?" Katara asked.

"Yeah! How come he gets a desk?!" Sokka whined.

"What desk?" Toph popped up, looking around, confused.

"It's an ugly desk!" Azula sneered.

"Yeah, an ugly desk!" Ty Lee echoed.

"It's just a desk, who cares?" Mai muttered.

"I should have a desk! I'm a Prince, I deserve a desk!" Zuko reasoned.

"Will you shut up about the desk!" Jet shouted.

"Order, order!" Aang yelled again, banging his gravel.

Slowly everyone settled down and sat in the waiting room chairs.

"I still think I should have a desk." Sokka muttered.

"Oh shut up!" Zuko snapped. If he couldn't have a desk, then by Agni, Sokka couldn't have a desk either!

"First of all," Aang continued, talking over Sokka and Zuko. "Fire beats Earth. Earth beats Air. Air beats Water. Water beats Fire. And Avatar pwns you all!"

"What?!"

"Does not!"

"I want a desk!"

"Fire Nation forever!"

"Boo!"

"Order, or I'll glow! I'll do it, I swear!" Aang shouted. "I mean it guys, sparkly vampires ain't got nothing on _my _glowing arrow!"

"Yeah, well I have a broadsword that shoots fire!" Zuko shouted, laughing.

"Hey Katara! Did you hear?! Aang's arrow glows in the dark!" Sokka yelled, doubling over with laughter.

"ORDER!" Aang threw his gravel, and it hit Sokka in the head.

Finally everyone was quiet again, aside from the occasional snicker from Zuko.

"Now," Aang said. "Bumi beat Haru and Zhao beat Bumi. So that means Zhao was the winner. Since Earth doesn't beat Water and vice versa, Suki and Iroh tied. So Zhao, Suki, and Iroh are going to have a rematch."

With some grumbling, everyone accepted Aang's verdict. Iroh, Zhao, and Suki got up and stood in a circle, staring each other down.

_I chose Earth last time because I'm from the Earth Kingdom. _Suki thought. _But that's predictable. So I won't choose Earth this time...but wait! That's what they're expecting me to do! So I **will** choose earth! But wait! If I choose Earth, and Zhao chooses Fire again, he'll beat me. So I **won't **choose Earth. But what will I choose? Water! But then Iroh might choose Air to be different and beat me. So I'll choose Earth and beat him! And Zhao won't choose Fire because that's predictable! So I'll beat them all!_

_**Hm...what to choose, what to choose. **_Iroh thought. **_I think I'll choose...Earth. That's nice and unpredictable. But if that monkey Zhao chooses Fire again, I'll lose! So perhaps I should choose Water. Or is that too predictable? Perhaps I should choose Air...that would certainly be different. But then Suki could choose Earth and beat me. So I'll choose Fire. But if monkey boy grows a brain and chooses Water, then I'll lose too. Hmmm...that's quite a conundrum. In that case, I think I'll go with Air..._**

**I'll choose Fire! **Zhao thought. **But wait...what if that traitor Iroh chooses Water again? Then I'll choose Air...wait! Then that Earth Kingdom wench could choose Earth and beat me! So I'll choose Water, and let Iroh beat her for me...**

(**a/n:** Notice how Zhao's thoughts are _waaaaaay_ shorter than everyone else's, lol)

"Earth..." Aang yelled.

_Oh yeah, I'm **so**__to win!_ Suki thought, grinning.

"...Air..."

_**Hehe...glowing arrow...**_ Iroh snickered. Whaaaaat? An old man can't have a sense of humor?!

"...Fire..."

**I'm _so_ clever! A real genius!** Zhao thought, his brain almost overheating with the effort.

"Water!"

Suki threw down Earth. Iroh played Air. And Zhao did Water.

"Suki wins!" Aang announced.

"YEAH! Take that, _looooooosers!_ Girls rule!" Suki shouted.

"Congratulations. Now step through this door to receive your prize!" Aang said, holding the door open for her.

"Thank you, Aang I—wait what!" Suki whipped around, realizing her fate only seconds too late.

"Have fun in therapy, wench!" Zhao shouted.

The door slammed shut with ominous finality.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Suki screamed.

"Welcome." Ms. Liz said, grinning creepily.

"Take a seat." Dr. Holic said, motioning to the couch.

Glowering at them, Suki slowly walked over, and sat stiffly on the couch.

"Now, I hear you were...ahem, 'captured' by Azula?" Dr. Holic asked.

"What's your point?!" Suki snarled.

"Well, we think that perhaps if you could come to terms with it, perhaps then you could come to terms with your own sexuality." Ms. Liz explained, still smiling creepily at Suki.

"With my _what_?!" Suki shrieked.

"Well, we're merely saying..." Dr. Holic began.

"That I'm gay?! Why don't you say that to my face!" Suki shouted.

"You're a bit of a lesbian." Dr. Holic said bluntly. "You're aggressive. You have a group of all women 'warriors'." **cough**Amazons**cough** "And you beat Zuko in arm wrestling."

"I am not aggressive!" Suki yelled, getting up and slamming her hands down on Dr. Holic's desk.

Dr. Holic leaned back. "Riiiiiiight. Well, ahem."

"It's okay, Suki. You're in a safe place now." Ms. Liz soothed, putting her hand on Suki's shoulder.

"Oh, I may be in a safe place, but you're about to die!" Suki hissed.

Ms. Liz quickly snatched her hand back, and exchanged a look with Dr. Holic. "You know what, you're absolutely right. In fact, I think this session is over. How about you, Dr. Holic."

"Yes, yes!" He quickly agreed, looking at Suki fearfully.

Suki smirked. "Smart man."

She then walked out of the room, representing for strong willed aggressive women all around the world!

**a/n: Before I go any farther, I'd like to say something I forgot to in the last chapter: I do not own Dane Cook, The Nothing Fight, nor anything else! I also don't own Avatar. If I did, the Avatar movie would be different, I assure you! ...Jesse McCartney=Zuko Agni...?! Yeah, let me just say I want double whatever the producers are smoking.**

**Once again, I apologize for the last chapter's lateness! I'm just happy I got this one out on time, as I've been drabbling a bit on a new story. No, I don't think I'll post it on fanfiction. In fact, I'm not even sure if there's a place to post it! It's about Sir Mordred, Elaine of Astolat (I believe that's the correct spelling), Sir Caradoc, Sir Turquine, and an OC of my own, Sir Percival.**

**Obviously, it's set in the Medieval Ages, so if I accidentally say something like, "fortnight" or "prithee" that would be why, lol.**

**On a side note, I've been listening to The Beatles lately, so I might include some of their work in this...I don't know. These chapters aren't planned _at all_, lol. I just look up on "Update Fridays" (as I call them) at eight o' clock and go, _Oh crap!_ And start typing!**

**But enough with the half page author's note! Time to hear the thoughts of Ty Lee...this should be interesting! (That means this short story will be in Ty Lee's POV)**

The Wild Adventures of Ty Lee (T.W.A.T.):

The Beatles Edition!

I was just sitting in the waiting room, minding my own business...playing with a water bottle...filled with water...

"Earth...Air...Fire...Water!" The Amazon chick shouted.

Hmmm...she would make a great addition to Azula, Mai, and I's "team." If the aliens didn't get her first...

The rest of the peoples (I didn't care about them—the only important people are Azula and Mai) gathered in a circle and started shouting.

Aang started banging on a desk...I frowned. The only person that should have a desk is Azula, and that creepy therapist dude.

"It's an ugly desk!" Azula sneered.

"Yeah!" I shouted. "An ugly desk."

But Azula wasn't paying attention. I sighed. Azula never paid attention to me anymore. Looks like I would have to entertain myself today...

I wandered off in search of entertainment...hmmm...what to do, what to do...

I know! The kitchen!

I rummaged through the cabinets, trying to find the Snickers bars I knew Katara kept, for those once a month times...although she seems to have those time _a lot_ more than once a month! Oh well.

I really wasn't supposed to have sugar—it made me a bit loopy, but I was bored!

As I munched on the Snickers everything seemed brighter and happier. I smiled, and started walking around, searching for something interesting...

Hey! What's that? Hmmm...it has a bunch of legs...and it's big...I poked it, and my finger disappeared into it's fur...it's squishy...it must be an octopus!

"MWAAUUUR!" The octopus roared.

"Hi Mister Octopus!" I said cheerfully. I noticed the plants it was eating. Hmmm...those plants look suspiciously like flowers...then I noticed the overturned flowerpots.

"It's really green in here! I guess I'm in the greenhouse." I frowned. "I don't think octopus's are allowed to eat the flowers in the greenhouse. Come on, Mister Octopus."

I grabbed some flowers, and held them out in front of me, luring the octopus out of the greenhouse. Once it was out, I gave it the flowers. "Good octopus." I murmured.

I wandered off again in search of more entertainment. Soon I stumbled across Yue, Jun, Song, and Mai! YAY MAI!! Hey, that rhymes...

"Hey." Jun greeted.

"Hiya! Whatcha doin'?" I asked.

Yue sighed. "Men suck."

"Yeah..." Song agreed.

"You look lonely." I said.

"We are, all our men left us." Yue said.

"Our hearts are black and broken." Mai muttered.

Song sighed, and strummed a bit on her guitar. Mai tapped her pencil in time with Song, having writers block from her depressing poetry. Jun hummed along softly, and Yue played a bit on her piano.

"Wow, you guys are really good! You should like, totally start a band!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, whatever." Mai muttered.

I sighed, they were good, but too lonely to be any fun. Oh well. Onward!

I left, and soon I spotted a small monkey looking thing. "Lucy!" I shouted. Lucy was the first name that came to my mind, so her name would be Lucy!

Then I saw that Lucy had some of Azula's diamonds! "No, bad Lucy!" I yelled, chasing after her.

But Lucy spread her monkey wings and flew away. "Luuuuucy! You have some 'splainin' to do!" I shouted after her.

But alas! She was gone. Oh well. There was nothing to do now but keep going. But by now, I was thoroughly lost—I had chased Lucy outside of the therapy building!

I turned around, but somehow I couldn't find how I had gotten outside. I sighed, and wandered around, trying to find a way back in.

Finally I found a small window. I managed to pry it open, and squeeze through it. I fell headfirst through it, and when I looked up, I saw that I was in the bathroom. I shrugged, got up, and walked out.

"Ow." I looked up to see I had run into Azula, and fallen down. "Azual! You'll never believe what happened! First I visited an octopus's garden, then I started a lonely hearts club band, and there was Lucy in the sky with your diamonds, and I just came through a bathroom window!"

"You really need to stop listening to The Beatles." Azula muttered, walking on.

"Wait, Azula!" But she was already gone.

...what does Beatles have to do with anything? I didn't know they could talk.


	38. The Super Crossover Special

The Super Crossover Special!

Trumpets blared, banners unfurled, a red carpet rolled down the hallway, and a messenger boy ran after it shouting, "Hear ye, hear ye!"

Finally he stopped when the entourage arrived at the waiting room. Gasping for breath, he doubled over and panted. "Hark...-gasp-...the great sorceress...-pant-...Morgan Le Fay!" Rose0404 walked haughtily down the carpet, amidst the trumpets, bugles, and French horns.

"Hey, you aren't Morgan Le Fay!" Sokka shouted.

But Rose just laughed. "Silly peasant. Of course I'm not actually Morgan Le Fay, I'm just cosplaying her...getting ready for Halloween you know."

"What are you doing here, Rose?" Katara demanded, pouting because she was no longer the most beautiful girl in the room.

"I'm here to announce that for this and the three other remaining chapters, there will be a contest of some sort to see who has to go to therapy first." Rose told her, smirking in evil anticipation. "And this chapter the competition will be...GAY CHICKEN!"

"We have to find a gay chicken?" Aang asked.

Rose slapped her forehead. "No Aang, you do not find gay chickens. It's a _game—_you act like you're gay, and whoever chickens out and quits first loses and has to go to therapy."

"You can't do that!" Zhao shouted.

"Oh, but I can!" Rose said, grinning evilly. "Now...go forth and get some!"

Haru squealed with joy—it was like a wet dream come true! Zhao immediately backed away from Haru and made plans to hide away for the week. Bumi just chuckled crazily—whether he understood the game or not was a mystery. And Iroh winked at Haru. Whaaaat? Iroh deserves lemons too!

Her mission complete, Rose, the band, carpet, banners, and messenger boy all disappeared with a poof and mushroom cloud of smoke.

"Hey, how did she do that? Is that even physically possible?!" Sokka asked, staring after Rose in confusion. "And did she say chapters?"

"Shut up and get the popcorn, Sokka." Katara commanded, before giving a tragic sigh. "Too bad we didn't have some better competitors. I mean, Bumi, Iroh, and Zhao?! Ew."

Suddenly Rose poofed back. "That reminds me: although Bumi, Zhao, Iroh, and Haru are the only ones at risk of therapy, there will be other competitors that I have captured—I mean, 'brought of their own free will in a polite and nonviolent manner' will be playing the game as well." Rose turned and shouted to the messenger boy. "Release the prisoner—I mean, 'guests'!"

The messenger boy turned a crank, and the steel barred door slowly lifted, revealing an pitch black tunnel.

"Since when do we have a tunnel?! That wasn't here yesterday!" Sokka yelled, but it was lost amidst the cheers of thousands of screaming fangirls.

From within the depths something stirred...suddenly Tamaki emerged! Behind him were Hikaru and Kaoru.

Last but not least was Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Orochimaru.

"Wait, what's Orochimaru doing here?!" Rose demanded.

"Hiya, I'm Aang!" Aang said, smiling at Orochi-tan.

"Oi, stay away from him!" Naruto shouted, pulling Aang out of the way. "That one's a real creeper." He whispered to Aang.

Suddenly, a hand burst through the floor.

"Aiiieeeee!" Sasuke screeched, jumping away.

Slowly the hand pulled the rest of the body out of the hole...

"Michael Jackson?!" Everyone shouted.

"Little...boys..." The zombie Jackson groaned. But then it caught sight of Orochi-tan. It was like looking into a mirror!

Jackson waved his arm at the same time Orochi-tan did. They both gasped and stepped back. Jackson snapped his fingers to the side, and so did Orochi-tan. Jackson shuffled to the side, and clapped his hands over his head, but so did Orochi-tan!

They both stopped and thought for a moment, before spinning around, striking a disco pose, and shouting, "Ow!"

But when they both started doing obscene hip thrusts, Rose shouted, "Okay, that's enough! Now you're both dead, so go back from whence you came!"

They both poofed away with glittering sparkles and a cry of _Thriller_!

"Wait, this isn't right! You can't just bring back the dead like that, and isn't Zhao supposed to be dead?!" Sokka demanded.

But Naru-kun and Aang ignored him, like everyone else. "So you're destined to save the world, and you're an orphan too?" Naru-kun asked.

"Yep, I was raised by monks." Aang said. "And I can airbend. Watch!" Aang made a ball of wind appear in his hand.

"Oh yeah, I can do that! I call it, Rasengan." Naru-kun said, grinning and making one himself. "Hey you would happen to have a tattoo that seals in your powers would you?"

"Well, I have an arrow on my head, and it allows me to unleash unlimited power." Aang pointed at his arrow.

"Wow, that's funny, because I have this seal on my stomach, and it does the exact same thing!" Naruto shouted.

"So you mean you can breathe fire too?" Zuko asked Sasuke.

"It's called the Fire No Jutsu, and it it's been passed down in the family for generations." Sasuke said.

"Really, so is mine! Hey, did you leave your girlfriend by any chance?" Zuko wondered.

"Yeah, I left her on a bench." Sasuke admitted.

"Hey, I did the same thing, only I left a letter." Zuko said. "Did you also betray your one and only friend?"

"Yup. Naruto over there." Sasuke said, jerking his head in Naru-kun's direction.

"Wow, I betrayed my Uncle and he was my only friend too!" Zuko admitted.

"You look lazy and skeptic." Sokka said, poking Shikamaru.

"So do you." Shika-kun retorted.

"Are you a genius too?" Sokka asked.

"Yeah, I'm just too lazy to show it, so everyone uses me as cheap comic relief." Shika-kun said.

"Oh Em Gee! Me too!" Sokka shouted.

"Alright! Alright! Enough with the introductions!" Rose shouted. "Let the games...BEGIN!"

Haru immediately grabbed Tamaki and started kissing him. The twins grinned and ran after Zhao, who immediately turned and ran. Naruto, Sasuke, and Shikamaru just stood there, until the shock collars around their necks started buzzing ominously.

Shika-kun sighed. "What a drag." And walked over to Bumi. "Hey."

"What's up, doc?" Bumi laughed, crazy as ever.

Naru-kun and Sasuke both looked at Iroh, looked at each other, and then looked at Iroh.

Iroh grinned, and waved.

They looked back at each other, and took off in the direction Zhao and the twins ran off to. "Wait for us!"

Iroh turned to Zuko with big, chibi, tear-filled eyes. "I've lost my game, haven't I?"

"It's okay, Uncle." Zuko said, putting a comforting hand on Iroh's shoulder. "You never had game in the first place, anyway."

**TWO HOURS LATER...**

"Stop!" Haru shouted from the next room. He ran out, shuddered, and turned to Rose. "I quit! You hear me, I LOSE GAY CHICKEN!"

Rose blinked. The gay man had lost gay chicken? "Uh...okay. There's the therapy office."

Haru gladly went in, shut the door, and sat down on the couch.

"Ahem, well first off...**_oh my god!_** Does your mustache have eyes?!" Dr. Holic shouted.

"I told you last time: don't stare at my mustache, it's bad for my skin!" Haru yelled.

"But...but...it's **_alive_**!" Dr. Holic gasped.

"HISSSSSSS!" The mustache hissed, the hair sticking up.

"Shhh, it's okay, 'stachey. I won't let the bad man hurt you." Haru soothed, stroking his mustache.

"Well, okay. I uh...where were we? Um, oh! That's right. Katara." Dr. Holic stammered before regaining his composure.

"Yeah, she has great shoes." Haru said, nodding sagely.

"I know!" Ms. Anne agreed. "I wish she would lend me some!"

"Psh, why do you think I dated her?! Free shoes, _hellooooo_!" Haru said, smiling happily at the thought of all those shoes.

"Oh, I know! I would _so_ date her for those pumps!" Ms. Liz gushed.

"The black ones with the red heels?" Haru asked.

"Yes!"

"I wore those once, but they hurt like a Katara!" Haru said, wincing slightly at the memory.

"Like a Katara?" Dr. Holic asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, Rose gets mad when we cuss now, so we all started using names instead. Like, That hurt like a Katara! Or, Ain't that about an Azula and a half! My favorite is, What the Happy Bunny Land?!"

"Ohhhh. Wait! Don't try to change the subject! We have therapy to do." Dr. Holic said, sternly.

Ms. Liz and Haru both sighed. "Fine."

"Now, why did you end the game?" Dr. Holic asked.

Haru shuddered. "Well...Naruto...he did this thing..."

"Yes?"

"He did this Sexy No Jutsu and...he..._he turned into a girl_! Do you know how many girl cooties I probably have on me right now?! I need a shower!" Haru yelled, waving his hands in front of his face. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Look! There's one now!" Ty Lee shouted, pointing at Haru. (Where she came from, we'll never know...)

Haru's eyes rolled back up in his head, and with a cry of disgust, he immediately fainted.

"Where did you come from?!" Dr. Holic demanded.

"Oh, don't be such a Katara!" Ty Lee snapped, before skipping off.

**a/n: I swear, life hates me. It's a conspiracy, I'm telling you guys! Sigh...well, all off my friends are sick, my school is infected with Swine Flu, I have a terrible cough, all my plans to have fun were canceled, my Internet wouldn't work, and now I have a late chapter. So yeah, life hates me.**

**Also, I don't own Ouran, Naruto, Avatar, etc. Yeah, I know I usually forget to do the disclaimer, but it's pretty obvious that I don't, so please don't sue me. (Is it really someone's job to search through Fanfiction to find a story without a disclaimer? Can I meet this person? Kudos to you, mystery person.)**

**And yes, there really are only three more chapters after this. Unless of course, I decide to do a Halloween special or a Goodbye special, in which case there might be four or five. But other than that, this story will be ending within a two months or so. Just giving everyone the heads up.**

**No, I will not take the story down. Yes, I have my reasons. (I'm busy, I need to work on my other fics, I'm writing a new story that I hope to actually get published, etc.) But that's still a long way away from now, so in the mean time, read, enjoy, review!**

**No, there will not be a Ty Lee story since I don't have the time or space...sorry. -_-;**


End file.
